ED Community Weekly Forum Discussion: Motivation and Eating Disorders 3/27/20
*Disclaimer - my original post got flagged and could not be retrieved so I apologize that this rewritten one is late and less comprehensive - there is also an activity called motivational chairs that I can explain if anyone is interested*
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If your motivation has taken a hit the past couple of weeks, I hear you! Motivation ebbs and flows. If you are in a valley right now, you will not be there forever. Eating disorders are complex illnesses that trick us and keep us stuck--they tell us we're not sick, and even if we ARE sick that we don't "want" to get better. If you are conflicted right now, you are not alone. You might be wondering whether recovery is worth it, if it's even possible, you might be tired of fighting, you might be afraid to change.
In this particularly stressful time that we are in, you may be wondering "Well why should I even bother? The whole world is uncertain and chaotic so why should I recover?"
These are valid questions.
I think NEDA said it best yesterday when they posted: RECOVERY IS NOT CANCELED.
Yes, we are facing a pandemic--but our struggles still matter, our recovery still matters, we still matter. We will come out of this on the other side.
If you're in the midst of a lack of motivation, I invite you to consider the following activities.
1) Decisional Balance
Divide a piece of paper into two halves. On one half, write "reasons to change" and on the other write "reasons not to change." Sit with yourself and try to be very honest, do not write what you think your answers SHOULD be, but what they truly are for you in this moment. Consider the short and long term consequences of your decisions and behaviors. Often times, things that feel safe or comfortable in the short term (such as eating disorder behaviors) can lead to more distress and harm in the long term, while things that feel scary or uncomfortable in the short term (such as recovery-oriented behaviors) can be very beneficial and rewarding in the long term.
Examples of reasons to change: being able to finish school, less trips to doctors or hospitals, having more energy, being able to maintain social relationships, regaining trust that was lost due to lying and hiding behaviors, not being plagued by food and body thoughts every second of the day....
Examples of reasons not to change: change is hard, potential changes in appearance, loss of control, not being able to numb out difficult emotions with ED behaviors...
Once you've finished, take a look at your list. What feelings are coming up for you? Is one side more full than the other? What are you losing or gaining by staying where you are? If possible, share this list with your treatment team, friends, or family and reflect together.
Finally, pick one aspect of the list that you really care about, and set a small 24 hour goal that would lead you towards it.
Example: If your goal is to be able to maintain social relationships, a 24 hour goal could be to reach out to someone you've been isolating yourself from to let them know that you're struggling, but still thinking of them and wanting to stay in touch
Example: If your goal is to improve your physical health, a 24 hour goal could be to wake up and feed your body with whatever feels managable to you regardless of what behaviors you did or did not use the day before--maybe this means having two pieces of toast at breakfast instead of 1, maybe this means eating a snack if you'd normally skip, maybe this means choosing to eat dinner even if you binged at lunch.
We are much more likely to build confidence and momentum if we set small, achievable goals for ourselves than we are if we continue to set unrealistic expectations and shame ourselves for being unable to meet them.
Repeat this activity periodically. Notice what has changed. Has your motivated shifted more towards one side than the other? Are you motivated by something you never were before? Did you let go of a negative motivator that you never thought you could? Reflect and use this information to your advantage! Set small goals and see how far you can get.
If you are feeling energized and motivated, that's great--I am so happy for you! If your motivation has fallen into a slump, I understand--I am sending so much compassion your way. Wherever you are in your eating disorder journey, I am rooting for you, and invite you to answer the discussion questions below.
Discussion questions
On a scale from 1-10, what is your current motivation to change?On a scale from 1-10, what is your current motivation not to change?What are some of your current reasons to change?What are some of your current reasons not to change?What is your 24 hour goal?
BONUS: Check back in tomorrow and let us know how it went, whether you were able to achieve it or notWhat are some strategies you use to increase your motivation?BONUS: Share any other thoughts or questions you have about motivation and how it relates to your eating disorder, share what you are struggling with, let us know if you'd like suggestions or support, share whatever else is on your mind.
Thanks for reading! In order to keep this discussion safe and comfortable for all users, please refrain from any mentions of specific weights or calorie counts.
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Taglist: @24Help1 @AddictedTealover98 @azuladragon34 @Blessedboy @charmingSky1384 @FunkyFlamingo @Goldcherry2113 @Happy900 @Lexloveslife @parisayano @PotatoSoup @resourcefulPond1641 @SammyLouise @Shanna @SharpiePen @Tazzie @Traveller8 @turquoiseFriend2396 @youandmesohappily
I really love the decision balance idea! Coincidentally, one of my goals is to be physically healthier (and emotionally). I love the idea of listening to your body regardless of how other meals went or may go. I also love making lists of pros and cons about my eating disorder (or listing ED thoughts and then going back through and debunking each one with a more balanced truth),
On a scale from 1-10, what is your current motivation to change?
My current motivation is an 8.5On a scale from 1-10, what is your current motivation not to change?
Gotta be a 3. I know it doesn't add up :)What are some of your current reasons to change?
Want to feel in touch with my body. Want to be able to lift weights, run faster & farther. Want to be able to walk a dog if I ever get one. Don't like feeling out of control with food - the panic is awful. Learn to deal with my emotions & desire for control over my life better. Not be trapped in my own head. Don't want to be in a clinic. Have spontaneous meals and snacks if someone offers them to me or if I'm somewhere new. I hate doing all this math every day. I nearly cried over a bit of almond milk in my tea - that isn't okay with me. That's not real control. What are some of your current reasons not to change?
I actually enjoy my safe foods. Change is hard and requires a lot of time, effort, tears, anger, anxiety, a different body. I'm having a hard time giving up rigidity because it's the only thing I feel I'm succeeding at / other parts of my life are still chaotic. As much as I fear being this honest, I don't mind how my body looks now - may be some dsymorphia but I really don't feel "sick enough" sometimes. Still struggling with that and with not having a dietitian yet because general doctor said no.. which fueled the whole "I'm not sick enough" belief even though she gave me other resources & wants me in a clinic.What is your 24 hour goal?
Continue adding ingredients to my meals without tracking. Listen to what my body wants and needs tomorrow. Even if my ED thoughts are screaming at me, my body will win out because I'm with it for life but I don't to live with my ED thoughts on blast for life. (hopefully for the rest of the week and my life too)
BONUS: Check back in tomorrow and let us know how it went, whether you were able to achieve it or not
What are some strategies you use to increase your motivation?
Combatting my ED thoughts when they come up, literally saying the opposite of what ED is saying or a different positive mindset. I also listen to meditations when I'm preparing food, and I journal after meals and snacks. It's then that I write opposite thoughts as ED. I label them as truths because what ED says are lies or exaggerated, black & white versions of a truth.
BONUS: Share any other thoughts or questions you have about motivation and how it relates to your eating disorder, share what you are struggling with, let us know if you'd like suggestions or support, share whatever else is on your mind.
Struggling with motivations that aren't just about me. With motivations that are solely about me (e.i. being strong enough for running, getting a dog, etc.), I can easily shift them. I can say "well I don't have to be strong" or "I don't have to get a dog"... so I guess non-negotiable ones are what I'm having difficulty finding. Feel like ED is trying to twist all of mine
On a scale from 1-10, what is your current motivation to change?
I'd say about 7.5 On a scale from 1-10, what is your current motivation not to change?
2What are some of your current reasons to change?
I wanna get better for me and and my friends. What are some of your current reasons not to change?
I have days where I don't care about my life so yea.What is your 24 hour goal?
To tidy up the apartment
Discussion questionsOn a scale from 1-10, what is your current motivation to change?
9On a scale from 1-10, what is your current motivation not to change?
1What are some of your current reasons to change?
Where I am not requires change. This month has indeed been good for me. I have been regularly motivated through the decisions I made and the most important decision was allowing myself to be helped. I would like to be better and most importantly feel better and content with myself.What are some of your current reasons not to change?
Change can be had. It will take sometime for your body to adapt to the new lifestyle. Peoples' views and opinions about you that go against your plans or decisions.What is your 24 hour goal?
To have and spread positive vibes. Make someone smile.What are some strategies you use to increase your motivation?
Focus. writing down your expectations and the steps you will undertake. Having a plan B for all your plan As reduces your chances of being disappointed. Learning how to disregard people's opinions or views that go against your well thought out and set goals. Get an accountability partner.BONUS: Share any other thoughts or questions you have about motivation and how it relates to your eating disorder, share what you are struggling with, let us know if you'd like suggestions or support, share whatever else is on your mind.
sending love and hugs to anyone with an eating disorder. You are not alone and you will endure this
@theheartproject
BONUS: Check back in tomorrow and let us know how it went, whether you were able to achieve it or not
I managed to spread positive vibes by giving myself a treat, I also managed to surprise my nephew with something he loves. I managed to kill 2 birds with on stone because I made my nephew smile as well
I love this discussion on motivation! Since the quarantine began, I've been thinking a lot about my recovery journey, and I question whether I really do what to get better. My eating disorder has been a part of my life since I was very young, so it's normal for me to have this really complicated relationship with food/eating/weight/etc. I think there is a part of me that recognizes how difficult change will be and therefore doesn't want to change. But another part of me just wants to be healthy and happy and unburdened.