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5 Phrases for People-Pleasers and Boundary-Beginners

comfortableNight4463 November 28th, 2022

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"1. I’m trying to break the habit of saying yes before double-checking. I’m not sure I can right now. Can I get back to you on that?

2. I don’t want to overcommit; I’ll check my schedule and get back to you soon.

3. I have to check with (insert significant other’s/family member’s) schedule first. Thanks for thinking of me/us.

4. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now; I’ll be sure to get back to you by the end of the day with an answer.

5. I’m not 100% certain that I can XYZ, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I know.

What to avoid

Of course, the don’ts are just as important as the do’s for people-pleasers.

1. Don't apologize

Apologies are in order when you’ve done something “wrong” or hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally. Turning down a dinner date with friends or prioritizing yourself and your needs over work does not warrant an apology to anyone.

2. Don’t play the over-explain game.

You haven’t committed any crime or caused harm by turning down an invitation or request to attend or engage in anything.

3. Don’t offer an alternative time if you don’t like the person, place, or activity.

What will you do if the person takes you up on your offer? All you’ve effectively done is postpone your grief This defeats the entire purpose of practicing boundaries in the first place. Less is more if you're not fond of the person, place, or activity. Keep it short, simple, and sweet.

4. Don't rush your decision when pushback occurs.

Boundary pushback is real, so be prepared. We’ve all encountered eager or pushy people. Hold your ground, take your time, and politely repeat yourself. “I’ll get back to you when I know. If you need an answer now, unfortunately, I’ll have to decline/say no.”

Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!

Reflection:

What are your thoughts on these phrases? Would you use them?

#People-pleasing #Boundaries #Coping #MentalHealth


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Sunisshiningandsoareyou November 28th, 2022

@comfortableNight4463

These are quite amazing phrases and tips to use. Although it feels like one of those "seems good in theory but hard in practice" kind of thing hehe. Definitely something to keep working on for though. :D

1 reply
comfortableNight4463 OP December 4th, 2022

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou I agree. It can be hard at first due to feelings of guilt but hopefully it gets better with time and practice.

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pineapplepeanut November 28th, 2022

@comfortableNight4463

I used to be a hard-core people pleaser but I am slowing breaking out of it. You need to find support because it's hard to break it alone. I am reading several books now to help me also. One is Boundaries, When To Say Yes and How To Say No; a more recent book I got is The Disease To Please. They are both very helpful but you also need to have support. I used to be such a people-pleaser that it caused me a lot of depression and anxiety. Thankfully I am so much better now.

4 replies
Sunisshiningandsoareyou November 28th, 2022

@pineapplepeanut So proud of you! ❤ Thankyou for suggesting the books, it's certainly more feasible to have some nice support!

2 replies
pineapplepeanut November 28th, 2022

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

THANK YOU for the supportive words and encouragement. That's what I am talking about, SUPPORT!!

1 reply
Sunisshiningandsoareyou November 28th, 2022

@pineapplepeanut

Humbled to! ❤

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comfortableNight4463 OP December 4th, 2022

@pineapplepeanut I'm so proud of you for taking the steps to be better. You got this!

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mytwistedsoul November 28th, 2022

@comfortableNight4463 I struggle with this so bad. The first thing I usually do is say sorry tbh. I'm trying to stop that. Baby steps

Lol over explaining! It does seem like you have to defend your no and explain the why of it. I do this too

The push back- that's where things get shaky. Because most people seem to be better at pushing back then I am standing my ground.

The phrases are great though and I'll definitely try to remember to use them

Thanks for an interesting post! It's nice to see some talk on boundaries 🙂

2 replies
calmMango9611 November 28th, 2022

@mytwistedsoul Yes it is.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I really enjoyed reading them.

comfortableNight4463 OP December 4th, 2022

@mytwistedsoul You got this! I'm proud of you for taking the steps to create boundaries!

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calmMango9611 November 28th, 2022

@comfortableNight4463 Thanks for sharing.

I really enjoy reading your posts.

They are so very informative and educational.

1 reply
comfortableNight4463 OP December 4th, 2022

@calmMango9611 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy reading my posts.

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adventurousBranch3786 November 28th, 2022

@comfortableNight4463 Wow this is helpful thank you!

1 reply
comfortableNight4463 OP December 3rd, 2022

@adventurousBranch3786 You're welcome! I'm so glad you found it helpful.

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