Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
I think I will be off of here today.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yeah I'm pretty exhausted and in a lot of pain. Hugs you tightly ❤❤ I love you ❤ I'll speak to you tommorow 🙂
@Iamwhoiamwhoami you said you don't know much about me, so here it is trigger warning, abuse and disabilities.
I was born into a Christian cult, children born in the cult were either sold, or kept as slaves. I was a slave to 24 adults. Kept in a cage, started having sex when I was toddler, with all my owners, tortured. Just constantly living in fear. I was 11 years old when I gave birth to joshua, they didn't let him live to long. That's something a mother should never be forced to watch. To scared to speak🙁 it went on till I was 18, that's when law enforcement saved me and some other slaves. We were all in very bad ways, some didn't live long enough to make it out of the hospital. We were all separated different countries, different locations. I'm happy when I got here to the UK, finally somewhere I could call home. For the first year after I was rescued I spent most of the time in hospital having operations, being force fed, I didn't understand what was going on, why people were asking me questions, what they were trying to tell me. For me it's like I arrived in a new world, and I was scared. Slowly, I started to understand things, I calmed down, and realised I was safe now. Then I had a teacher she would come here to me, she taught me all the basics I should've learnt as a child. About 3 years ago she taught me how to use internet safely and soon after my carer set me up on this site. To help me🙂since the rescue, and me understanding where I was I live a life still afraid to go outside the carehome. I can't have a phone, no mail comes here for me, I can't have my own bank card, no email, it's like I have no identity, still🙁 about a year ago we had news that some of the other slaves had been located, and it wasn't a good ending for them🙁 more security was put in place for the survivors, that really effected me🙁 know mentally my depression takes over sometimes also anxiety, and I'm emotionally unstable, so I get upset alot. I think that's about everything. Oh and I still have a lot to learn about people, communication the world
I didn’t know much of your past and I never asked you for anything about it. That is your story to tell, if and when you are comfortable and/or willing to tell me.
I respect your privacy and there are many struggles that are thrust upon us in life and those struggles and the details of those struggles are our own to disclose if and when and to whom we choose to trust with that information.
I feel like you think I was prying or hinting at you telling me your private experiences., I was not nor will I ever do so.
That information about you had to be extremely difficult for you to write. I am thankful for you trusting me to read it. However, I glanced over it but I have not read it yet, I will read that message only if you can honestly tell me that you wrote because you wanted to tell and not because you felt that I was trying so pry. I don’t ever want you to feel forced into anything, including telling me your darkest of secrets.
If you told me that information because you wanted to tell me, I will read it , I respect you too much to read it for any other reason.
❤️I love you ❤️❤️I love you ❤️
@Tinywhisper11
I upvoted this message because I love you and support you in any way that I can, but I still have not read it in full. I am sure that writing it was extremely difficult for you. But like I said I want to read it because you truly want me to not because you feel “forced “ into writing it. ❤️❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it actually wasn't that hard to write it ❤ I've always been pretty open about my past, I have nothing to hide ❤ and honestly it's easier for people to know about it, than to keep it secret. When you and my friends know about my past, then I think it's easier for them to understand me a bit🙂❤ I think it's better that friends know about theese things ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami good morning sweetie ❤ how was your evening ?? How is your ear? I woke up with a bad headache🙁 coffee should cure that😋
@Tinywhisper11
I apologize for feeling the way that I do. ❤️Hugs❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami rubs your arm🤔🤔 nope you feel fine to me 😁 I think you need a hug though ❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 ok I'm gonna get off here, stupid headache ❤ I'll be back soon ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I have laid in bed all day, but not doing anything. Still wrapped up in the recent events with us.
The basic things that you told me in the past regarding your past. Well they told me a lot more about you and gave me very vivid pictures of the horrific things that you experienced.
I never pry or ask about anyone else's past , because that story is theirs to tell if and when and to whom they choose.
I appreciate that you are trusting me with all of that which you wrote. ❤️
❤️I Love You ❤️ I am in awe of you and the strength and love that radiates from you ❤️
@Tinywhisper11
I read your writing about your past. I am so proud of you for being so much more than a survivor. You are so much more than the beautiful angel that I have been blessed to have by my side.
I know that everyday is a struggle for me, and I know how drained I am after all these years. You, have managed to maintain the strength, endurance, love , kindness, compassion, empathy and too many other qualities to list, and you have managed to keep waking up and work with your carers everyday. I am pretty sure that can be very demanding and draining on you. Physically and mentally. But yet you came here and have blessed so many people with your kindness, compassion, empathy, strength and support. Then to top that off you somehow manage to still have enough of all of your qualities to be by my side, even through our little misunderstandings or miscommunications, I am not sure what to call them . We both are learning some important things regarding life. Friendship, relationships, communication, how to understand and handle the many different issues that arise in amongst them. We are learning about each other, not necessarily about the past, but who we are and what makes us tick now, how those things helped create the people we have become. And for me trying to figure out if I can change or if it’s too late for that.
I think I said that I am like a child in regards to a lot of things. When we both are learning these things at the same time it makes it difficult on both of us because of our inexperience with them. For me it is a major struggle and my self blame doesn’t help either.
I’m am really struggling with focus. Hopefully I have stayed on track with this rambling.
❤️❤️I love you, my wimpy arms are wrapped around you again. Possibly unwrapping for some periodic massaging of your temples to try and help get rid of your pesky headache ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami missconmuications is a good word for it ❤ we are definetly both new to all of this friendship thing, that's not a bad thing though, I know how upsetting it makes us, but through miscommunication we can learn how to better our relationship ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
You are definitely the wise one ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami my headache won't leave me alone🙁 but it has eased a bit🙂 is your ear better? Have you eaten today?
You know through the dark and the light we work together really well ❤ I will always be by your side. There's no getting rid of me, I'm like a octopus on your face, not going anywhere😁 hugs you tightly, with my not so whimpy hands😁 I love you ❤❤ I'm glad we by each others side ❤❤
your appointment is next week, have you sorted out taxi and has your insurance gone through??
@Tinywhisper11
❤️I offer my services for a free scalp massage…❤️❤️
The ringing has seemingly disappeared.
❤️I love you ❤️ Hugs you in between the scalp massage ❤️by your side or by mine your beautiful smile will forever shine ❤️
My ride is arranged.
My disability insurance is in process because it is quickly running out of time for the short term disability. So the long term disability process is going through the initial approval process.
