I have a strange question.

I just had another strange idea to add to this wanting of a tree. If I only had the motivation and the physical strength to accomplish it.

To decorate it with ornaments that each have the kind words of support, encouragement, sympathy actually all of those responses that I have received from people here. The thought of that warms my heart.

Unfortunately, I would be the only one to enjoy it . So I suppose it all would be a waste of time and energy. But I still think it would be a worthwhile idea.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Christmas trees were originally part of the pagan celebration of winter solstice and not Christian at allenjoy your tree, decorate it, put lights on it whatever you want.. not offenciveat all.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hi Iam! 😊❤️ Thank you so very much for your wonderful forum post! 😊 Thank you for having the courage to share of yourself with us. ❤️ Since you asked our thoughts, I'd be happy and honored to share mine with you. 😊 *pulls up chair next to Iam* *offers a cup of hot chocolate* *sings to you, "Oh Holy Night." *

A tree you say? Ah, what a lovely idea! I love a Christmas tree! The twinkling lights, spreading a feeling of warmth through out the room, something very pretty to gaze upon! Something about a Christmas tree just seems magical. I love decorating for Christmas, having a tree and I, in fact, decorate early. Sometimes rites of passage, birthdays, holidays give us something to look forward to as well as other traditions.

I think it's okay to not have to formulate a reason for wanting one now. The heart wants, what the heart wants and I think it's lovely to want one. I can understand you wanting to know yourself better, to become more self aware and you can continue thinking about the "why" to it all if you like. I like your ideas of ordering one, creating homemade ornaments, putting things on that tree that are worthy of you. Maybe as you go through that particular process, the "why" of it all, the why of finally wanting one, maybe even the need for one will come to you. 😊❤️

I don't feel like you are wrong for wanting this or offending any part of the true reason for the season. I can understand anyone's stance about the Christmas holiday if they feel as if over time it's become a money maker, a source of stress, greed, going into debt to purchase things for people that they may not appreciate and may not even need. I can understand if anyone in the past has decided to not be a part of all of that.

I don't like that type of thing either. For me, I have things that I need to do and want to do for others and it's a tradition. To see the joy in someones eyes to open a gift. For them to know someone thought about them and really thought about their needs, wants and or personal tastes. Or even remembered a conversation about this or that that had happened at some other point in the year. That sure is a sweet way to give a gift to another, showing someone that I think about you, I listen to you, I heard you and I remembered what you said to me.

I do my best to stay out of the negative parts of the holiday by doing my shopping early and a little over time and maybe all the year long by storing it away. I spend a lot of time on wrapping presents and really well to show my love that way even if the gift may be seen as meager or not expensive. This is also my way of staying out of stores well before Thanksgiving. I don't want to be part of the negativity, seeing others not remembering the reason for the season, rushing stores, trampling, fighting in store isles over the last "one" available, screaming babies riding in the front of carts with noses running and gone unwiped because that mom cannot pay attention to that child now for some reason (I know the reason and it's counter intuitive to "peace on earth and love towards men"/women).

I don't think that you having the want for a pretty Christmas tree is perverting the holiday in any way, shape or form. You are still standing your ground. You are still not becoming a part of the greed machine and I respect that.

As people, we all change and we all grow. Different times create different circumstances and new ways of thinking. I have to wonder if you might be feeling something that is called "cognitive dissonance". It's kind of like feeling two different ways at once or having two different views at once. For the mind, this is quite uncomfortable. We can feel confused, uncomfortable or even feel as if we are being "pulled in half" during these moments. The mind always seeks resolution. I wonder if your mind and heart is simply seeking peace and resolution. ❤️

I don't think you are having to change your value system by the want of a tree or even finally getting one. It's simply a source of joy and in fact, I feel that your reasoning behind it and how you want to decorate it is quite beautiful. I wish more people in the world would want to do things in the way that you are thinking about. Having that tree and putting things on it, kind words spoken, people you are grateful for, people that have been kind to you, in my opinion...........is the true reason for the season. Gratitude, being thankful! ❤️❤️❤️

I hope your Christmas tree shines brightly as well as your heart my friend!

I send you very very big *hugs* ❤️

I want to thank the few of you that responded to this post.

I think I am going to cancel this plan, even though I just ordered the items needed to put it together.

I think I may leave this community and let things play out the way they will. I am thankful for all of you but I can’t take a chance of going through what I just went through again . It is not anyone’s fault here but that incident rocked my world and I am still shaking from it.

I am grateful for my time here and for the kindness and compassion that radiates from you all. Thank you and I hope you all find your way.

I know I should “be strong” and not let hate tear me down. But the reality is with all the hate groups and the actions they take, I am scared to my core. The simple comments made in this most sacred of places, just turned my newly found heart with its overflowing amount of warmth from the kindness I have received from people here to ice. Those few words were so destructive to what was built by kindness, compassion, understanding and support . I had laid everything on the table the last couple of days and probably annoyed a lot of people with all of my ramblings, and I let a couple of simple sentences that even though they were only typed, I could feel the hate coming through every letter …. I let that hate get in and freeze everything I started to feel warm and tingly about. That kind of stuff is why I built the walls inside my head and hid everything about inside of those walls for decades. This simple thing has started me rebuilding those walls. I am just trying to decide whether I start from scratch here again and with a new found fear of someone else doing something similar, or just go back into hiding.

That is wrong thinking also but my issues at hand I am not sure this decision is going to matter much in the grand scheme of things.

It’s unfortunate that I am so negative, otherwise maybe more people would have seen their gift that they inspired.

Hiya, Iam! I just wanna say not to let a hateful comment rattle you completely. Similar happened to me. I know it’s hard to brush it off especially when you’ve made yourself vulnerable but I would like to encourage you to keep on being yourself, admire your tree, keep your chin up and be proud to be who you are. Throwing some love on here too! 💜💙💚🌎🌏🍀🌹🤟🏽🥰🦁♥️💕Happy New Year!

I put up a tree this year, just for me, because I wanted to. I don't need any more reason than that. I like turning off the lights in the house at night, plugging in the tree lights, and just staring at the lights. There's something that feels very peaceful about that.

I didn't see anywhere if you decided to get the tree or not, but I do hope you decided to obtain a tree and enjoyed it. ❤️ And even if you didn't get a tree, maybe just some twinkly lights to look at. If I didn't have the lights on my tree, I would probably just sit out on my front porch and enjoy looking at my next-door neighbors lights.