I have a strange question.

I just had another strange idea to add to this wanting of a tree. If I only had the motivation and the physical strength to accomplish it.

To decorate it with ornaments that each have the kind words of support, encouragement, sympathy actually all of those responses that I have received from people here. The thought of that warms my heart.

Unfortunately, I would be the only one to enjoy it . So I suppose it all would be a waste of time and energy. But I still think it would be a worthwhile idea.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami These celebrations, birthdays, holidays, are essentially social rituals - a way to connect to something special. It’s not at all weird that you want to connect to something special. I also don’t always put up a tree. I have mixed feelings about the upcoming holiday, and I decided that I would acknowledge the parts I like, and ignore the parts I hate (like month long barrage of frosty the snowman song lol). So, yeah I think putting up a tree sounds wonderful.

@helpfulAvocado7912 Thank you, I appreciate your reaching out and responding . I am at a loss at the moment to say anything else, other than I am grateful for people like you taking a few moments out of their lives to respond to my ramblings. Thank you.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong or offensive about putting up a decorative tree. Perhaps a tree with positive words/phrases on ornaments will bring some happiness, a sense of peace, a coziness to your home. For those reasons, I think you absolutely should put up a tree. We can participate in those social rituals we choose and do so in a way that is meaningful to each of us.

@exuberantMaple397 Thank you for reaching out. I actually wrote down (so I wouldn’t forget) the idea of putting all of the wonderful kind and compassionate things that everyone has sent to me on brightly colored paper , laminating them, and tying each one to its own ornament and putting them on the tree.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami what a wonderful Christmas tree idea, I could use this suggestion to decorate my tree next year! I think it is fine you wanted a decorated tree, when I lived for a couple of years in Scandinavia close to the north pole, there was a lot of darkness and cold during the Polar Winter, quite depressing. When the locals started to decorate the trees in their yards and their houses with lights as early as late October, it helped a lot with the general mood to see beautiful decorations and lights at night.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Christmas trees were originally part of the pagan celebration of winter solstice and not Christian at allenjoy your tree, decorate it, put lights on it whatever you want.. not offenciveat all.

@Riverswancycnus Thank you for reaching out and sharing your kindness. You have taught me something new, I didn’t know that interesting fact. Thank you, I appreciate your insight.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hi Iam! 😊❤️ Thank you so very much for your wonderful forum post! 😊 Thank you for having the courage to share of yourself with us. ❤️ Since you asked our thoughts, I'd be happy and honored to share mine with you. 😊 *pulls up chair next to Iam* *offers a cup of hot chocolate* *sings to you, "Oh Holy Night." *

A tree you say? Ah, what a lovely idea! I love a Christmas tree! The twinkling lights, spreading a feeling of warmth through out the room, something very pretty to gaze upon! Something about a Christmas tree just seems magical. I love decorating for Christmas, having a tree and I, in fact, decorate early. Sometimes rites of passage, birthdays, holidays give us something to look forward to as well as other traditions.

I think it's okay to not have to formulate a reason for wanting one now. The heart wants, what the heart wants and I think it's lovely to want one. I can understand you wanting to know yourself better, to become more self aware and you can continue thinking about the "why" to it all if you like. I like your ideas of ordering one, creating homemade ornaments, putting things on that tree that are worthy of you. Maybe as you go through that particular process, the "why" of it all, the why of finally wanting one, maybe even the need for one will come to you. 😊❤️

I don't feel like you are wrong for wanting this or offending any part of the true reason for the season. I can understand anyone's stance about the Christmas holiday if they feel as if over time it's become a money maker, a source of stress, greed, going into debt to purchase things for people that they may not appreciate and may not even need. I can understand if anyone in the past has decided to not be a part of all of that.

I don't like that type of thing either. For me, I have things that I need to do and want to do for others and it's a tradition. To see the joy in someones eyes to open a gift. For them to know someone thought about them and really thought about their needs, wants and or personal tastes. Or even remembered a conversation about this or that that had happened at some other point in the year. That sure is a sweet way to give a gift to another, showing someone that I think about you, I listen to you, I heard you and I remembered what you said to me.

I do my best to stay out of the negative parts of the holiday by doing my shopping early and a little over time and maybe all the year long by storing it away. I spend a lot of time on wrapping presents and really well to show my love that way even if the gift may be seen as meager or not expensive. This is also my way of staying out of stores well before Thanksgiving. I don't want to be part of the negativity, seeing others not remembering the reason for the season, rushing stores, trampling, fighting in store isles over the last "one" available, screaming babies riding in the front of carts with noses running and gone unwiped because that mom cannot pay attention to that child now for some reason (I know the reason and it's counter intuitive to "peace on earth and love towards men"/women).

I don't think that you having the want for a pretty Christmas tree is perverting the holiday in any way, shape or form. You are still standing your ground. You are still not becoming a part of the greed machine and I respect that.

As people, we all change and we all grow. Different times create different circumstances and new ways of thinking. I have to wonder if you might be feeling something that is called "cognitive dissonance". It's kind of like feeling two different ways at once or having two different views at once. For the mind, this is quite uncomfortable. We can feel confused, uncomfortable or even feel as if we are being "pulled in half" during these moments. The mind always seeks resolution. I wonder if your mind and heart is simply seeking peace and resolution. ❤️

I don't think you are having to change your value system by the want of a tree or even finally getting one. It's simply a source of joy and in fact, I feel that your reasoning behind it and how you want to decorate it is quite beautiful. I wish more people in the world would want to do things in the way that you are thinking about. Having that tree and putting things on it, kind words spoken, people you are grateful for, people that have been kind to you, in my opinion...........is the true reason for the season. Gratitude, being thankful! ❤️❤️❤️

I hope your Christmas tree shines brightly as well as your heart my friend!

I send you very very big *hugs* ❤️

I’m overwhelmed by your beautiful response. I have read through it but there is so much for me to think about in relation to everything you have said. Comprehending it all at once is not happening for me right now. I will continue to reread your message as many times as it takes to fully comprehend and appreciate your sentiments.

I am so very grateful for your thoughtful and personable approach to your response. Thank you , your kindness, thoughtfulness, supportiveness, … I am a little choked up right now. I can’t express how much your response has touched my heart. Thank you.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

You are most welcome my friend! 😊❤️ Thank you for your reply back to me! I am most grateful! ❤️ That really was incredibly kind of you to do so and your words to me have truly warmed my heart!

Thank you for being part of my gratitude moments today! I have those at the end of each day and I promise you, you will be counted in them. ❤️

One thing I say often is that "no one deposited the truth scrolls with me" lol. Also, sometimes, I feel like the answer was inside of us all along. Sometimes, we just need a moment, to spend time with someone that is a sounding board, someone to listen to us and really "hear' us and embrace the concepts. To "feel it" and not just think. Sometimes, when the answer has been inside of us, all along, we just need someone to give us "permission" (odd word to use I guess but I'm thinking you get the meaning) in a way, to move forward, to tell us it's okay to feel that way.😊❤️

For me, I think your want and the way you want to decorate your tree is the true meaning of Christmas! I feel like the answer was in you all along! I just simply, showed up. I just listened! 😊

*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️

I want to thank the few of you that responded to this post.

I think I am going to cancel this plan, even though I just ordered the items needed to put it together.

I think I may leave this community and let things play out the way they will. I am thankful for all of you but I can’t take a chance of going through what I just went through again . It is not anyone’s fault here but that incident rocked my world and I am still shaking from it.

I am grateful for my time here and for the kindness and compassion that radiates from you all. Thank you and I hope you all find your way.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Woah, what happened? This is a totally unexpected reply to the previous ones.

Sounds like someone treated you unfairly... :-(

Just a troubled conflicted person that decided that I was deserving of their hate. Details don’t matter much , but due to some other forum posts I made admitting things about myself relating to my gender identity I made myself an open target. I still believe in this community and everyone here. I just can’t handle going through experiencing those emotions again. I am not sure how long it’s been but I am still struggling with the impact of those comments. I haven’t experienced that personal of an emotional attack on me that actually rattled me. I have always brushed it off. Maybe because I have been able to open a lot of emotional doors the last couple of days. Either way, I am not very comfortable continuing on with this.

Thank you for reaching out, I do appreciate your kind words and concern. Thank you.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Just stopped by to check on you. I like the idea of the Christmas tree. I think that is great.

Safe hugs

@scarletPear1945 Thank you, I am still here for now. I am trying to force myself to be here as long as I can tonight, maybe that will help change my mind about leaving. It feels so nice to hear the simple words you just said. Thank you.

@scarletPear1945 PS cute picture

I know I should “be strong” and not let hate tear me down. But the reality is with all the hate groups and the actions they take, I am scared to my core. The simple comments made in this most sacred of places, just turned my newly found heart with its overflowing amount of warmth from the kindness I have received from people here to ice. Those few words were so destructive to what was built by kindness, compassion, understanding and support . I had laid everything on the table the last couple of days and probably annoyed a lot of people with all of my ramblings, and I let a couple of simple sentences that even though they were only typed, I could feel the hate coming through every letter …. I let that hate get in and freeze everything I started to feel warm and tingly about. That kind of stuff is why I built the walls inside my head and hid everything about inside of those walls for decades. This simple thing has started me rebuilding those walls. I am just trying to decide whether I start from scratch here again and with a new found fear of someone else doing something similar, or just go back into hiding.

That is wrong thinking also but my issues at hand I am not sure this decision is going to matter much in the grand scheme of things.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

I know it is hard to ignore people that say and do stupid stuff, but you can't let them rule your atmosphere. Please don't allow them to push you back into hiding. You are doing great at posting your feelings and expressing yourself. The enemy wants to keep you bound up and all alone isolated from others who want to support you. The old saying is "Misery Loves Company. People may not know what they say could be hurtful and some do. Don't give in or allow them to put a dark cloud over what you are trying to build. We have experienced enough of that all our lives.

It is time now to rule your world in the way that you are moving in, one step at a time. You are doing well to keep posting what you are feeling get it out. There is healing in just being able to talk about the issues you are facing. Again I say I admire your courage❤️

@scarletPear1945 Thank you once again for reaching out.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I hope to see you around, I found that idea with the Christmas tree 🌲 of kind words so super heartwarming, wouldn't have wanted to miss that. Maybe there are other ideas like that that you'd be posting in the future that will make others smile?

As you're not posting any identifying info here (hopefully), any idiot (will that get censored? unfriendly person...) here can be ignored (in chat)/ blocked (listeners) / flagged (forum posts) without consequence. They can't actually 'do' anything, fortunately.

Please make use of that instead of hiding ❤️

@cloudySummer. Thank you once again for your kind words. I am still in the same mental dilemma that I was earlier. I don’t want to leave. I am trying to figure out how to let go of this fear. I’m really struggling with it. But hopefully I can get past it at least enough to allow me to be comfortable here again.

@cloudySummer. I understand what you bring up about blocking , ignoring etc.. That is facts I can’t ignore. I just have to find the release mechanism to get rid of the fear and I can then start to heal that wound so it can just be added to my lifetime of scars. I really need this community. The people here keep me going.

It’s unfortunate that I am so negative, otherwise maybe more people would have seen their gift that they inspired.

Hiya, Iam! I just wanna say not to let a hateful comment rattle you completely. Similar happened to me. I know it’s hard to brush it off especially when you’ve made yourself vulnerable but I would like to encourage you to keep on being yourself, admire your tree, keep your chin up and be proud to be who you are. Throwing some love on here too! 💜💙💚🌎🌏🍀🌹🤟🏽🥰🦁♥️💕Happy New Year!

I put up a tree this year, just for me, because I wanted to. I don't need any more reason than that. I like turning off the lights in the house at night, plugging in the tree lights, and just staring at the lights. There's something that feels very peaceful about that.

I didn't see anywhere if you decided to get the tree or not, but I do hope you decided to obtain a tree and enjoyed it. ❤️ And even if you didn't get a tree, maybe just some twinkly lights to look at. If I didn't have the lights on my tree, I would probably just sit out on my front porch and enjoy looking at my next-door neighbors lights.

@GoingInCircles365

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nWJ4cRFNdIxJGexsHudWaxr4DNe9mvHt/view?usp=sharing

I have a thread about my gift to the community and this is part of what is there

@GoingInCircles365

https://www.7cups.com/forum/CommunityProjectsEvents_184/General_2421/Mygifttotheentire7cupscommunity_294003/

If I did this correctly, this should take you to that thread.