Loneliness: how do we cope with it?
Hello everyone!
I am here to talk with you about something we all may have experienced: Loneliness.
How do we cope with it? How can we approach it? Let's see it together and feel free to share your story and your vision about it.
The sense of loneliness scares us. The age in which we live, moreover, automatically associates solitude with isolation: being alone has become synonymous with defeat and depression. Often even psychology treats loneliness as a problem, yet we are all perfectly aware that love, children, work, certainties, the things we possess are not stable, everything is in flux. Here then you end up experiencing the events always with a background fear.
But being alone does not mean that we miss something, on the contrary it means being complete. About what? Of the fullness that is in us, which, if perceived, will give us a state of calm and tranquility that makes us live well. But this well-being is not achieved through solitude understood as "being alone with one's own thoughts", rather it is precisely their excessive presence that prevents us from reaching that contemplative state that our brain needs.
How to overcome loneliness? By accepting it
To accept means to stop fighting against the sensations you feel
It is necessary to observe, wait and, above all, be present. We are often too little present to the emotions and that is why everything becomes difficult. Instead we need to be present in the sense of solitude when it arrives, in melancholy when it appears. Why? To turn our gaze on the inside, without thinking or judging it.
How much impacting is the sense of loneliness in your life?
As we approach the holidays, what are you considering that could help you cope with the loneliness?
What has been your approach to loneliness till now and are you considering to change or improve your way to cope with it?
@24963534 @3angeli7 @1Marg1 @AddictedTeaLover98 @affableowl5126 @agander @agreeableZebra7523 @akbj @Aksabode @Alonedadof2 @amiablePeace77 @amiableTortoise2797 @AmusingJet302 @Angelface50 @Aspace4u @beachluv @believing777 @Bernie0818 @bestplum1189 @beverlianne @BeyondTheInvisible @Bigvalleyrob @BlueSkyDay1911 @bobedee @BobsRattledPan1959 @bogartfan @bouncyVoice4149 @breezyoctopus @Brokenhearted @califgurl68 @Cammiecat @carefreeheart57 @caregiver2006kris @CaringPanda45 @caringPumpkin64 @chaz11 @convivialBlueberry6200 @CSA1CLUB @DanaMH @chickadee123 @DavidB333 @decisiveTangerine1372 @easyBalloon5468 @ElizabethGiovi @empathicForest15 @energyescape @enlightenedParadise8531 @exuberantAvocado5095 @fae95 @faithlove1111 @fancysummer52 @Favor2020 @fearlessPine2167 @firefly2021 @FlowerLily23 @forko23 @foxxbirdsong @Fraboy101 @funkygirl @gardengal462 @geraldine @GeriK @Glorene @gotfan1 @gracie2303 @greenpear8830 @gregariousKiwi9594 @GuardianAngel77 @GusteeMoon123 @GustyOne4U @happilydivorced324 @helpfulDime8163 @helpfulSea2178 @Help0ver5OAnxietyorManicBiPolar @honestSquare4292 @honestSquare9341 @hopefulheart6130 @Hotaru419 @Hunk @independentCake9528 @inventivehouse2965 @January1963 @Jaq130 @jay1963 @JazzySC @jill47 @joliver1967 @JolivetteListens @Jules2dl @justbeaverage @Kavajava @kit4228 @kittycat15 @Klemen @Knitterdawn @Lauren63 @Lifer @livefreely04 @Lolowise475 @LostanLonely @loyalpenny @LumenEssense @maitha @Maryvs @mellisendis @MichelleMona @mija123 @MissPen @moi2016 @Mooboxer @morecake @motinez57 @mrcalidan @MsBrownieBee @MusicCandy @mutter3 @myfrens @Nettie @neverendingtime23 @nhisgrace @niceDaisy36 @nodelicateflower @NormaAnne @Nova101 @Novalis4u @OffMyTrack @optimisticNorth3188 @orangefuton503 @PaKaGu @Pamela @parisliangbts @passionateWheel1397 @Patriciamcb @PaytonGlover @PepperBunny @Pete333 @pinkPapaya7701 @Pixielou44 @prodigalprincess @purpletangerine87 @purplehairedone @Purplelake3807 @purpletangerine87 @Queen44 @quietbeach575 @quietSail6485 @rainbowsage5 @RastaFairyAnn @rationalWater7635 @rebelbonfire @Recovery2019 @redGrapefruit5314 @RenaeListens @richyShiny39 @Roger57 @Roxy0007 @Ryry2513 @ScarletLand3247 @scarletSpring3133 @scot @sensibleThinker1377 @sdaug32 @Sedtzl1 @selfconfidentmelon @SensitiveinNaz @Shelley413@Shycat542 @sincereHemlock2665 @sincereOcean4592 @SmileAtWill @softpj @SoulfullyAButterfly @soulsings @SpecialK79 @straightarrow2516 @straitoutasocal @stressBear @Sue1111 @sunnyZebra2336 @SusyKaploosy @sweetpea @Tailormade1 @tarantistmardon @terry @Texgal0869 @ThankYouForLettingMeTryingToHelp @TheresaFeng @TickTockLittleBird @tillytot50 @Tish1982 @Tom444 @Tyedyedbutterfly @vh @wittyNest2941 @what @worthystruggle @Yaya @Zengrl
How much impacting is the sense of loneliness in your life? I have not been lonely since early last year.
As we approach the holidays, what are you considering that could help you cope with the loneliness? Seeing my girlfriend.
What has been your approach to loneliness till now and are you considering to change or improve your way to cope with it? My approach, such as it is, was to just get depressed. That has changed, and I am much happier for it.
@Offmytrack
That's nice, glad to hear about these positive things!
@BeyondTheInvisible
Loneliness seems more pronounced when there are holiday times when not much is happening.
I find a routine helps me stay in a place of feeling good about life.
Accepting what I cannot change and going on with life gets around challenges.
@soulsings
Hello Soul!
Yes routines can help a lot of people, important is that you have your coping mechanism to face it at best you can!
It is strange but you can feel lonely even when you are in a room ful of people. But then , when you accept the friendship and caringness people offer , the lonliness becomes tolerable and actually you might just enjoy the lonliness after the hustle and bustle of being with people.
Anyway, lonliness has already become part of my life and a lot of my friends' too. Like @beyondtheinvisible mentioned, when you accept loneliness, then it becomes a norm. It does not hurt or frightens anymore. I vary my routines and make sure I interact with neighbours, friends and family members at least 2 times a week. Plus I try to establish a simple routine for example ,like having a cup of coffee with my neighbour at least twice a week.
@faithlove1111
That's very nice @faithlove1111, thank you for sharing, it's useful to see how each of us face it!
@BeyondTheInvisible Thank you for allowing me to share. :)
@BeyondTheInvisible Coming here helps a lot!
Yes it does peeps are so kind on here @adventurousBranch3786
"being complete with the fullness that is in us."
Thank you for this insight. I am fortunate to be able to look forward to alone times. So many others I know often say to me, " You're going ALONE!! " like it's the worst thing in the world to do. I have no problem with being alone. I like being with myself. It's difficult to explain to most people. I do enjoy spending time with family and friends but I also enjoy my alone time. I don't need people around me all the time. Now I know what to tell them. "I am complete with the fullness within me."
I think my biggest problem is feeling like long lines will be my new life from now on. Maybe because of my age (59) and my children
being grown and gone. I feel like whats left I think the feeling like there is nothing left f or me to do now but grow older and fade away
is creating the loneliness
@lovingLychee115
i also feel like "what's left to do now?" It seems as though before retirement and when I was much more active there was so much to look forward to. Yes, there are trips to plan for and occasions to look forward to, but on a long-term basis there is not much else besides getting older. There is no next big step in my journey. It's simply day to day living and it's very much a let down.
I truly understand where you are coming from.
@lovingLychee115
Hello there!
Thanks for joining to share with us 
I understand that when dynamics change, when children grow, also the routine is no more the same. I would like to make some reflections with you on that matter, maybe they can help?
So.. children are supposed to grow and become independent adults, as parents we can enjoy the process and feel like they took one more step by becoming independent, exactly like when we saw them staring school or every other moment that was about their growth.
To be parent is something special, yet it does not mean to "annihilate" who we are as persons. This is a new phase for you, so to speak. Exactly like it was when you become a parent!
Would it be possible for you to try focusing in the phase you are living in order to see how you would set things?
I hope there will be something positive to share soon, let me know and a big hug for you!
@BeyondTheInvisible
what do you mean Foucusing. What will we do next!? I think I buried myself in my kids lives which was easy .
All I ever wanted to be was someone's Mom now the hands on part is over, I guess the tears are from me watching them fly
away as I stand by the nest alone . I'm very lost in what to do next I guess because it's all so new And I avoided focusing on myself for so long it's hard for me. I feel as of now that everything thing is fillers. Especially when I walk through the door at to the echo of an house, a house that used to hold the sound of children's laughter.Even the dog seems lonely he sleeps on mud sons bed like he's waiting for him to come back....... I'm hoping me and the dog will find joy again soon
@lovingLychee115
Hello Loving, I am really sorry to hear that you feel like there is nothing left for you.
Do you think it may help to see how others face some big life changes like those you mentioned in order to reflect if there may be something you would do to feel better?
I hope that 50+ can help it, in case.
A big hug!
Hello all. I read through some posts and in thinking about my own lonely feelings right now, I realize I miss having kids around espically at this time of the year. My only granddaughter is 500 miles away and there are no other children in our family. I so enjoy seeing FaceBook friends posts about their children. I'm not relgious, so I don't have a church family, as so many people do (and where is is usaully a lot of kids). I miss holding and cooing over little babies, and bouncing them on my leg, and singing and dancing with them. I miss the tug of war about doing homework, and going to bed, and eating your veggies. I miss hearing belly laughter, and shinning eyes, and great big smiles. I miss waking up early on Christmas Day, and laying quietly, waiting for the kids to wake up and tip toe to the living room. I miss my kids! And I miss being around kids. I'm alone, but took myself to a wonderful zoo yesterday to see the light displays. It was magical. I tried to see it though a toddler's eyes, and without being creepy, I watched and really took pleasure in the young parents' thrill of sharing the experience with their babes. I stopped and offered to take pics of some families and it did my heart good. Every now and then a sudden wave of sadness would overwhelm me, real grief for a departed child, and life-stage grief for what was once , and will never be again -having my own little children.
I tried to make a friend. But wasnt accepted. So I stopped caring and decided this is my life. Doesnt matter. Hope you have friends and family that care. All good.
@Lauren63
Hello Lauren, hopefully there will be friends along your life's journey to know and get along well with!
@BeyondTheInvisible Thanks. But I dont care anymore.
Some people like to frighten with loneliness in old age. I myself was very afraid of this period, but I think a little differently now. I saw my neighbor's real experience in senior living. I had never been to such centers before and thought that things were much worse. I decided to make a visit and looked at it with my own eyes. I have become less afraid of my own future helplessness now.
I just want to go home.
@95969
Hi, how are you?
It sounds like you are far from home, feel free to share what you are going through on here or by reaching out a listener to talk about it in a chat. Hope it may help
@BeyondTheInvisible
Thank you