Hi I’m new here

@Lasweetbaby34

I think your feelings are completely valid. It shows how big your concious is. You are a good person . I would be just as worried and scared about your situation. I'm so proud of you for getting through that court date!! Hug yourself for that success! I'm so sorry you don't have one person to hug and support you in all this. No one knows what the outcome will be but I'm right here for you. Every single one of us has made some kind of mistake. I am one of them too. I think mistakes are the way we learn. As painful as it can be it's a good teacher.

If the court decision is one that keeps you home I think it will give you a chance to re evaluate your life and make things better for yourself.

If the court decides you have to be in jail for a short time it's an opportunity for you to learn from that side. Learn as much as you can, get involved with any kind of therapy or teachings offered . Then when your back home use all that you've learned to help yourself then maybe in the future you can help others.

I think life's tough experiences are a call for us to help others even in a small way . Of course your anxiety right at the moment is going to rule but that's so normal. Try to spend time breathing deeply to calm your nerves , I know it sounds stupid but breathing deeply sends more oxygen to the brain and be counting 7 slow in and 7 slow out. Hug your doggie, hug your girls. Tell them you love them no matter what.

I am trying to give you supportive vibes from here... imagine my hand is out and grabbing yours and we are breathing .....

Your attorney needs alot of communication from you ....he can't understand what you need especially in the courtroom. You have to write a letter of what you want him to do for you ahead of time.

I know this feels like the bottom of the worst dark pit but from experience I can tell you I've been in the pit and I clawed my way up out of it. Do I fall back in once in awhile ? of course I do , but each time I crawl out I get stronger and stronger. You will too. I'm right here if you need someone and I'm not leaving ....I'm always around here because I know what it's like to be in the dark completely and utterly alone with no hope.

Your going to be ok !! I'm praying to God that you will be ok ....I will continue to pray for you no matter what, even if I don't hear from you for awhile know that I'm praying...I know you will be ok.

Best ABB 💜

@amiableblackberry92,

Thank you so very much for all the kind words, positive vibes, and hugs that you been providing me. It sure does feel great to at least have a supporter online. :) You listen to me more, then my own family and kids. I try to talk to them and see what they suggest me doing but then say nothing. Trust me it is hard going through this situation and not having the right attorney is even worse to be honest… This public defender has done nothing to help me, and i been in courts since January of this year :( I haven’t had any solutions as of yet. All they do is call me and I do call them, but they are never there and always busy. And when i do get through someone I always talk to the investigator not anyone else.

What is an investigator going to do if their job is to collect evidence and just investigate the case that is completely what they do. They don’t help you. This time when I went to court they never called my name our anything so it seems like they don’t even care about my case or me. Sure they get money for every person they put in jail that is all they want. I wish at this time I had the money to hire a private attorney, but apparently i don’t. And it’s so hard going through all of this, I’m so sorry if I’m writing so much but writing is a coping skill that also helps me get things out of my chest in order to feel well. Hopefully its ok for me, and i wish that we were able to private message each other without having to post in the threat. But I think you only could do that it you are a listener not a member not sure why.

Right now I’m in my dining room trying to do things just to feel a bit relax, and I’m even trying to breath sure if does help. But having all this is your chest is just way to much. I even try to write in my own journal, but its been weeks that I haven’t done it either because I just don’t have the energy to do. Right now like I told my therapist I’m so low that I just don’t want anyone close or to even call me I’m just so depress. I know that once this is all over and get through this I will have my own life back, but here here now and saying when is that going to happen? I want my own calm life sometimes i just wished that i never learn how to drive because driving is the main reason why police officers stop you, and you are stuck in courts.

I never though of writing a letter and giving it to my public defender and see if maybe this way he can know what I expect from him, but not sure if this will even work. This dude is a complete jerk and old that it seems like he is always miserable and is never happy around people. I just hate this dude so much. Why are they not even listening that what happen was not done on purpose, why are they not viewing the good criminal record I have. But no all they do is you did the crime you pay the price well duh i know that but seriously why don’t they even let you talk. But thank you so much for pointing out of the letter and i hope when i do write it they can see what i really want.

But I doubt that it’s even going to work this court system where i live is trash, and I always regret moving here because i never had this problems back in the city I just to live before. I just hate this county so much and I do want to move back to the city I just to live in, but not sure if i could do it. Especially since my older kids, family are there and sometimes i have more problems being close to them as well. Where I live now its a town and its so calm especially during the night. It’s good for my anxiety because theirs not a lot of people but what i just hate is the county the court system in general. They are going to ruin my life with this felony in my background good bye to my hopes of becoming the psychologist that i want to be in the near future. All this is making me think and think and see if it ends up happening that I do have to do time, I don’t think I’m able to tolerate it in there. Not with my anxiety being so mad and also depression, I just think and think oh my God it’s jail what if i can’t breath in there what if I have my high blood pressure going up or even worse my diabetes.

People don’t care I know a person that died in jail because he couldn’t; breath and they didn’t do nothing, so that is why i’m scared and i’m a mother of 4 wonderful kids. I wanna thank you so much for every single word that you been giving me all the support and for being a great listener. Sure i do talk to people from here here and there, but not as much as with you. Not sure if you feel comfortable with me telling me your name. My name is Mayra it’s really nice to meet you! I hope that if i do end up serving time trust me i will always have you in my mind and when i come back home. I will get in contact with you so trust me I will not forget about you thank you so much again..

with love

Mayra ~ @Lasweetbaby34 <3 <3 <3

@Lasweetbaby34

Hello Mayra, beautiful name !

Possibly you could approach the court and tell them your attorney isn't helping you as he should. And ask for a woman defender. Tell them you can't communicate your needs to this guy because he's not listening. I would get a credit card and pay for a private attorney. Or you could get free attorney consult on the phone. Some will do that..if you could file for a delay it will give more time to rally a new attorney with a better defense.

Everything is about $$ in this world and it's not helping improve our society.

Don't apologize for writing me, really I don't mind. I want to help you ...writing to someone helps me more than writing in a journal. There will be medical care in the jail , it's required. If you are sick or need meds you can get them or at least see a medical person for help.

I'm sure the weight of this situation is crushing... I have been there...so crushed and sick to my stomach I couldn't eat for weeks.

Are you taking antidepressants? I am and they do help somewhat. Keep taking them if you do. Don't give up ,....meds can be live saving.

So your already trying to formulate a plan to change your life either way of this outcome. Write down a list...one thing at a time of things you want to change to improve your life. They're a milllion places to live choose what makes you happy...you! Not them not anyone else just you.

Your going to survive this and it's going to make you so strong you can face the next chapter in your life.

Life's about choices, I definitely didn't make great ones but I know better now so I'm trying now to make better ones for me.

ABB💜

@amiableblackberry92,

Thank you so much, rose is a beautiful name to :) I’m sorry I haven’t responded to you, but I haven’t been feeling well at all this days. I have some problems with my breathing its really hard for me to breath. So I do have problems with asthma so I think that aggregates it more. Especially with this weather were I live now its just not helping me the weather is so crazy over here, first it’s sunny then its windy and the next its cold. Honestly I don’t know how to approach the court to let them know that. I wish i will know I do want a public defender that is a women instead of a guy. Maybe girls are better in understanding their Same sex, but not sure if this court system even have a women public defender. I have only seen guys to be honest, and I wish I could talk to my public defender more, but all they do is put me in bad terms with the judge and tell her that I don’t call them or nothing. They are such a liars they know i do call them its just the investigator always talking to me instead of the public defender.

Honestly if I had the money I would of hired a private attorney already, but I don’t have the money so that is why I’m stuck with a public defender :( i hope they do because honestly I dont trust them anymore, since the day the person that I know died because they didn’t give him any attention when he was asking for it. Yes I’m taking antidepressants but I think it’s not even working for me because right now I’m feeling worse than ever. Have you been in jail before since you know so much about it? Thank you so much again for all the support that you have been giving me. You have been one of the only persons that have been here for me almost everyday and I appreciate that so much.

@Lasweetbaby34

Mayna,

I am sorry about your health,

I understand about the asthma I have that also and anxiety can make it worse along with the weather. It probably would be good for you to consult your Dr.

I haven't been to jail so I cannot help with that situation. But I had a situation once and I consulted a few attorneys and I find it's very hard to get one to help you unless you have alot of money. I have a friend who is a divorce attorney and she's a wealth of information. My brother has a lawyer because he has his own business and has been through a few situations that required one. But he's got money and can afford one.

I think it would be a great idea to journal everything like your doing about this situation and make sure it's got dates and times for every entry. Document dates and times you have called the defender and make notes about the conversations. These types of things can help the judge see your side and also makes you a human not a number.

I had a hostile workplace at one time and I wrote down every thing I endured daily with dates and names of winessed behaviors and targeting behaviors by a co worker. Sometimes writings can be very useful because it's hard to remember every single thing that happens in a day, month, year.

I'm glad your taking antidepressants, you might need a higher dose because your body gets used to them and they don't work as well. You can talk to your Dr about that too. I did when I felt mine were not working well.

It's ok if you can't respond to me, I completely understand.

I'm still praying for a reasonable outcome for you.

Your a strong mom and usually when things are dark sooner or later the light comes through the cracks and things improve. Even though you can't see it at the moment of total darkness eventually the sun comes out again....

Best ABB 💜

@Lasweetbaby34

Mayra I'm happy to know your name and I'm glad to help in some way.

Be gentle with yourself your going through alot. Light a candle take a bubble bath.

Eat something wonderful and take a quiet walk, look at the stars and make a wish.

My name is Rose.

ABB💜

@Lasweetbaby34

It's a nice sunny Sunday here and I am saying a prayer for this week to go well for you. Your not alone you have supporters here.

ABB 💜

Correction... Mayra, sorry spell correct is driving me nuts lol!

@Lasweetbaby34

Mayra,

I'm so sorry your so sick, if I felt that bad that I couldn't trick or treat with the kids I'd be calling that Dr every hour until they made room for me. If not I would head straight to urgent care! Your breathing is so important!. If your regular treatments aren't working you need more help!

I'm worried about you, you need someone to help or advocate for you in this health issue ..

This health issue needs attention before it gets worse especially since it's your lungs ...

I've been very down this last 5-6 days more than usual. I'm am struggling with my severe CPTSD symptoms. And I'm glad to hear from you. It's good to have you part of my journey here.

Thank you...

Rose

ABB 💜

@amiableblackberry92,

I’m glad to be part of your journey to. We are helping one another that is the most important thing. I actually try to do that by calling them and they hardly pick up the phone. Today I left the nurse a message and she didn’t call me back 😩 so I have to sit and wait and see what they say. Hopefully they call me tomorrow if not I’m going to scream.

what is going on if you don’t mind me asking you? the CPTSD you are experiencing sounds so familiar to what I was diagnose with. It’s called PTSD not sure if it’s the same thing, because it sure sounds like it. Honestly I didn’t know I had this maybe it developed more when I had a house fire 🔥 back in 2018. Since then my anxiety, and fear all other symptoms have increase tremendously. Not sure if that is consider a disorder. you know I’m here for you if you want to vent to me. I know it’s hard, but we are here for once another. Thanks so much for all your kind words, support, and guidance. Your like and angel 👼 in my life. ❤️❤️

@Lasweetbaby34

Mayra,

Thank you, yes we support each other here it's wonderful to know your not alone. There's a song by Sia called "Courage" I really like her music- that song speaks to me. Check it out on YouTube when you can. I think you'll like it too.

CPTSD is a complex version of PTSD. I have old childhood abuse trauma and new s.assault trauma with a few other traumas I've dealt with recently. I guess my trauma is kind of like a layer cake. It's complicated.

It's a bit more difficult to treat and can be life long. The depression and severe anxiety can be disabling in day to day life. My list is long. I need to resolve my young life trauma then work on the things that are more recent.

I'm so sorry about your home fire. That's devastating. I had that as a child on top of everything else I suffered as a child. It's traumatic.

Please be sure to document your traumas in your paperwork for the court.

If your Dr office doesn't step up to help you tomorrow, consider urgent care facility. Your health is more important than anything including money.

Best ABB 💜

Rose

@amiableblackberry92,

I will definitely search it up on YouTube and hopefully I like it to 😀 oh no I’m sorry that you had child abuse trauma and other things in your life. I feel like we have so much in common, because I also have a lot of child trauma back when I was younger. In my family their was a lot of alcoholic problems lots of people getting violent towards each other, me in general being in the middle of it to.

this is the reason I can’t stand people that drink because of what I experience when I was younger. I have a lot of fear and trauma because of that. Not to mention being sexually abuse since I was 8 yrs old up till I was 18. This is why I hate my life because ever since it’s been messed up. I blame my parents for having this horrible life.

And now I want to be happy but it’s hard to be with all this going on in my life. My counselor knows all this and she says you have a lot going on and we are going to help you get better. But I feel it never gets better because things keep happening over and over again. It’s like being in a roller coaster that never ends. and then in 2018 I had the house fire 🔥 since then I have fears of smoke 💨 I can’t sleep at all because I’m so alert of anything. So I’m pretty sure that this PTSD is not going to get better if I keep feeling scared of everything.

I hope that we both over come this and always remember I’m here no matter what. ❤️😘

with love

Mayra

@Lasweetbaby34

Mayra,

I'm so sorry about that s. abuse you endured so young. That's going to take alot of acceptance to get past. I understand about the no drinking policy you want. I agree alcohol makes everything worse. We don't have any in this home. Your therapist can help you for sure. If it's affordable try going 2x a week. I did in the beginning 2 sessions a week. Maybe group support is available to you.

My abuse was violent, rage, unpredictable, terrifying, walking on eggshells type. I created a persona to deal with this violent childhood experience and I kept using this fake persona even after I escaped. It was a protection I used,..#1 couldnt let go of it, #2, I didn't realize I was using this persona my whole life or why I was.. So the real me was buried deep inside and stayed there for 5 decades until my abuser died, then all he** broke lose and I really had no idea what was going on I thought I was crazy. My fear was so huge it ruled everything I did for decades.

I am working on becoming the real me, not easy since I've been faking since I was a 2 year old. It's a long process thankfully I'm learning to be real patient with myself. I've been through ALOT.

It's taken time and action on my part to realize hey this life is not working for me and I need things to change. Slowly changing things and the ppl who don't really care about me fell away from my inner circle. Good because they were toxic for me. Sorry for my slow response I fell asleep.

Tell me if you enjoyed the song and I hope you get some much needed medical care for your asthma situation. Stress can make it worse. Be pushy you deserve proper care.

Best ABB 💜

@amiableblackberry92,

Hey Rose good evening! I’m so sorry I haven’t gotten back to you, honestly I’m having a hard time functioning. My days haven’t been the greatest right now. I’m having problems with my breathing, and also I’m mad because I haven’t gotten a hold of my regular DR.

plus I’m having issues with my partner right now he is just stressing me out so much. I had 2 times a week therapy once but not sure what happen to that. They just took it off who knows maybe since they thought I was going to face jail time that is why.. but right now I do need it because I feel worse and worse each day.

right now I still have to do community hours and not sure how I’m going to do them, when my body is always down and low on energy. I feel like a car without gas ⛽️ I have so much going on that I feel like I can’t handle it anymore. What are you doing now how is your day going so far?

@Lasweetbaby34

I am so sorry your struggling so much but I totally get it. When your really stressed out it comes up as physical ailments. I have a few .....

Is it possible to go to an urgent care facility if you can't get into your Dr ? Possibly you need something stronger to get things under control.

If you need more therapy help call and ask -tell them how your not doing well and have the time now to go 2x a week.

Remember communication is everything. So important to ask for what you need. Including from your partner. I write letters to my partner then I know he hears me. It's easier for me too that way I don't get all emotional and lose control.

I always make a list if things I need to get done every day even if it's simple things like laundry. That way I don't forget and it gives me direction. If you can try to spend 2 hours a week on community service it will show your making an effort to follow the courts request.

I'm holding up , some physical issues I'm dealing with that are really painful. But I'm strong...at least I tell myself that lol.

Best always 💜 ABB

@amiableblackberry92,

not sure if I can get into an urgent care, my counselor also told me that yesterday. She was concern because she saw me also very low on energy, and also told her that I been having diarrea lately with nausea. See I can not eat anything without my stomach getting upset. Now it’s the cough with the wheezing, the diarrhea and well my depression. Well I’m going to ask her, and see if she is able to see me 2 times a week. Normally she is really busy and she sometimes can get me in like only for half and hour. They been referring me to talk with a crisis counselor if I need one not sure why. yeah but trust me my partner doesn’t care about me anymore. I just feel like we need to separate already because he is just making my days worse. Because of him treating me the way he does I don’t get better either. Because of him I lost many people I just to love so much. Yeah you might be right I’m going to try to do at least something but I know it’s going to be hard..

@Lasweetbaby34

Sorry I fell asleep, very tired these days.

If your counselor is giving you an option to go to a crisis counseling place, try it. See if they can help and it will give you a new place with different help and different perspective. I know all this is really scary. Trust me I get it Fear ruled my life since age 2 and it's tough to get past but if you can try it, it can change your life for better.

Ask your Dr if they can't see you, to recommend someone or place that can see you asap. Just keep on them eventually they will do something. If you have health insurance there should be an option for urgent care.

When I was in terrible trauma I felt like I needed so much more help than once a week therapy. It's what brought me here to 7cups. My life has improved some as I have let go of some really toxic ppl and situations I was dealing with.

List all the problems your dealing with then tackle each one, one at a time. Find a solution , if I can change my situation, you can do it too.

I Looked into taking vitamins too. My Dr said my vitamin D was really low and that can affect how you feel so I take a suppliment a long with some others. If I'm consistently taking them I do feel better, more energy. But double check with your Dr to be sure vitamins don't interfere with other meds or conditions you have.

I just kind of hit a wall in my life ,I realized I had to change things.

ABB 💜

@amiableblackberry92,

it’s ok I know that sometimes I reply to you very late at night, it’s because that is the time I have more time than in the morning or evening. Well I called the crisis line before and anything you tell them they immediately want to either call the police our think you are not doing well. So maybe I stop calling them, so right now I think I’m just sticking with my counselor and hopefully that works for the best. I thank you so much for the recommendations that you have giving me I hope that my regular DR does see me but I already called other places and see if they can see me sooner. Hopefully they do this cough 😷 is no joke.

@Lasweetbaby34

Oh I understand completely about crisis line.

I'm still here and praying 🙏for the best outcome for you. I hope someone sees you about the asthma condition soon. Keep me posted ☺️

I am glad your doing what you can. That's really all we can do right!? The best we can with what we know and the resources we have. It's not easy , one day at a time ....

Best ABB 💜

Hey @amiableblackberry92,

Sorry for not replying to you till now, I’m actually not doing well I just got out of the hospital. Regular hospital I’m having a really hard time breathing because I have this serious congestion and it doesn’t want to go away. It doesn’t let me sleep or do anything the hospital did some X-rays and well they are also doing lab work and I hope that everything comes back ok! I think you might be asleep now since it’s late now. Just wanted to check in with you and tell you how things are going for me. I’m also very depress and exhausted 😩 I can’t sleep so I’m super cranky this days to talking about my husband not helping me either I just want to pull my hairs out. He sees me struggling with medical issues, anxiety, depression, PTSD problems, diabetes and he still doesn’t stop he’s drinking and he’s really being a jerk. Up to the point that we have to sleep in separate rooms this is not love anymore I just want to be alone already. ☹️💔

@Lasweetbaby34

I understand your struggling...I'm glad I can be here to help you get it out so to speak. Sometimes you just need someone to listen..I felt like your feeling, just not getting enough help. It's because the mountain of things going on all at once is so overwhelming ... This is an important time for you to take real good care of yourself best you can. Just know that I was in such a bad way I didn't think I'd make it but I kept plodding along day by day and really slowly things improved somewhat. To a point where I felt like I was making some improvement. I removed alot of toxic ppl/ jobs from my life. That helped alot. I was being crushed by some pretty awful ppl. I just knew something had to change. I was really thankful to find 7 cups last year. It's helped alot, Its just good to know some ppl are struggling right along with you and totally understand the pain of suffering.

Best 💜 ABB

@amiableblackberry92,

Thank you very much for being here for me and listen to. I think you are the only one I talk back and forth to. I don’t really get any more replies from others. And I understand that a lot of people here are struggling to like me, but theirs also a lot of postings to read never knew that wow. Right now since I saw that o wasn’t talking to people in my members account, I made a listeners account to. You can’t believe how many people I talked to and feel their struggle. I’m switching back and forth in both accounts, but I just feel like the listeners account is helping me better because I’m actually able to talk to people since I’m a listener. I know I’m still struggling but that doesn’t mean I can’t help others to right? Thanks for sharing your story with me, your such a great support for me God bless you today and always rose 🌹 ❤️❤️

@Lasweetbaby34

Omg! I'm so proud your trying to help ppl here. That's the best way to heal, helping others.

Pls share your listener account and I can chat with you and maybe you can help me☺️💜ABB

@amiableblackberry92,

Thank so much ☺️ When I feel low I just go in my listeners account and just accept request from people. Honestly some people that request a listener just go in there and play around, I already had a few that insulted me just for trying to help them can you believe that? Of course I can share it Sweetbuttercup33 send me a message if for some reason you can’t find me let me know, and I send you a message myself.

This is awesome!

I can't find you, so you'll have to message me.

So excited for you.

ABB 💜

@amiableblackberry92,

Hi this is my listeners account, and I just sent you a message

@amiableblackberry92,

My doctor doesn’t even pay attention to my health concerns anymore. Today I tried to call the nurse of the clinic trying to communicate my needs, and all she said was I gotta go it’s like she wanted to cut me off. My psychiatrist is the one also that prescribes me medication. Yeah asthma is no joke like right now im having a hard time breathing, so I have a cough too and wheezing. It’s terrible it doesn’t even let me sleep at night if I do end up going to sleep I immediately back up because of my wheezing.

yeah I know thank you so much for letting me know of writing things down. Like today I called my Public defender and I didn’t get to talk to him again. What one person suggest me was since I’m receiving counseling and also seeing a psychiatrist 👩‍⚕️ that normally judges take that into consideration because that has to do with your mental health. But I told this person but I did try to tell them about medical issues I have, and they said that right now theirs nothing that I can take to them. But I’m wondering that mental has to do with your brain and the way you function and that is different. So they have to consider that and who knows maybe having this help can help my case.

@Lasweetbaby34

I'm sorry the Dr office wasn't helpful. If you have an inhaler that would be helpful especially at night. Sometimes you just have to call the Dr every day until someone helps you. Almost pestering like.

I think your state of mind plays a big role in our lives and should be taken into consideration during this court process. Ask the psychiatrist if they are forwarding your info to the court or at least giving some information on your behalf.

You are trying to do the right action helping yourself with counseling meds etc.

Keep writing and be assertive with the defender, don't be afraid to speak up he's just a human like you, me etc. Assertive is not aggressive. Look up ways to be more assertive for yourself and your needs.

Your sleep is important for your ability to cope and I would mention to your entire team of ppl, Drs,etc. that your struggling to sleep well for all the reasons...make a list of these reasons mental or physical.

I'm around, I'm going to therapy today and it's rainy and depressing out but I'm going to power through it.

Best ABB 💜

@amiableblackberry92,

How did your therapy go today? I wanted to ask you this what coping skills is your therapist giving you to help you with your daily life if he/she does give you. The reason I’m asking you is because I just talk to mine today and well all they do is let me talk and don’t give me any thing to work on. So not sure how long you been in therapy but have they actually help you or just let you talk and talk and really not do anything like they do to me. I feel like my basic needs are fully being meet by this Dr, Psychiatrist, therapist etc. I keep repeating myself to them that I’m not feeling well that I starting to be forgetful already and people are starting to notice that when i talk to them I don’t fully comprehended what they are saying to me.

I’m even concern myself because I’m only 41 yrs old and i just don’t get at my age all this is happening to me, could it even be early Alzheimer I’m kind of wondering if that could happen at my age. Right now i don’t even know who could detect if I actually have that could it be my regular doctor? Yes I do take my regular meds they been increasing my doses a lot but I’m still not feeling well at all and I even feel worse every single day. I already research the Alzheimer early stage and they could start at age 30 and forward, I’m just concern now. Well my sleep is not so great I’m having a hard time sleeping not to tell you that I’m having a hard time with my partner because he is not helping me at all with anything. He relies on me so much for everything if I don’t drive him to work he doesn’t go our move a muscle to do something.

I feel like I just don’t know what to do anymore, i get a lot of support but I feel like its not getting me anywhere :( this is just so much for me right now. Right now I just feel so anxious because i have a court tomorrow this is the traffic one, and on Thursday i have the other court to. So I’m so overwhelm that I’m looking for papers and writing things down. And also this coming Monday i have the final with the grand jury on where they are going to decide if they find me guilty or not. You can see i have so much in my mind that I did try to breath and relax but there’s days that i just can’t with to much going on. How can you relax when your own husband is not supporting you and all he does is complicate things more than what they are already are.

@Lasweetbaby34

I can understand your under so much pressur, everything coming at you at once. It's scary I know but you can do this, ok.

I have to say I literally had to be my own hero, save my own self. I have realized I am the only one who can change my life and my choices. I was suicidall at one point. Not a good place to be so I stepped up and told myself I have to get my head on straight for my kids. That's when I started reaching out for guided pro help. I turned to professional ppl and it was really tough because I was so depressed . I pulled myself up and I'm still climbing the cliff so to speak. I wrote so much into my journals there's got to be 30 in a box in my therapist office. I had to make some tough decisions to fix my life ....

Anyway therapist is using a type of tapping technique, kind of works like EMDR. ( Google this). It's helping but I have sooooo much trauma that it's going to take awhile to complete. My trauma started at 2 years old. (My kids are adults.) Anyway I think that some negative things need to happen in your life to kind of force you to change it for better, for what you want, for peace in your head. Like I said darkness comes down but the light comes through the cracks. So I think once you get through the next few days you might start seeing the light. Just hold on a little longer. Ok your not alone there's alot of suffering out in the world. That fake stuff in social media is just that- fake.

Check in with your Dr for any dementia possibly in your family. They can refer you to a neurologist. They will test you and they know what to look for .

I'm glad to hear your trying to get your paperwork organized. This is great. You are starting the path of being your own hero.

As for the partner, just focus on what's best for you right now.

Your going to be ok.. I'm living proof of ok. Because I wasn't ok not too long ago.

Still keeping you, Mayna, in my prayers every night. God does listen you just have to talk to Him. If possible go to a place of worship and light a candle and dip your hand into holy water. It works.

Best ABB 💜

Thank you so much for all the kind words, support you have been giving me all to this point, if it weren’t for your guidance and support I will lost. You are the only one that has been here for me since I been writing to you, and I’m glad that we have the ability to write with one another. I will try to google that info as soon I have the ability to do, because right now I’m just trying to think what is going to happen the following days coming up. I know it’s going to impact with sleep and my ability to function as well but nothing that can’t be manage right? Also I sure will check in with my DR to see about this issue who knows maybe it could help me to find out right now. Thanks for that information to. Well i know I’m still a little anxious and overwhelm for tomorrow and Thursday but I have to be strong for my kids. I will check back with you tomorrow I know it’s going to be days that I’m going to feel warn out because I’m going to do lots of things. Hope you have a great rest of your night. @amiableblackberry92

With love

Mayra ~ Lasweetbaby34

@Lasweetbaby34

I understand your medical health is affecting you so much. I'm sorry you had to go to hospital but I'm glad you did. Did the Dr there help in some way, medication or Prednisone? I've had to take Prednisone for severe allergic reactions. I don't like it but it works.

Just keep on them about your congestion and that you need help.

I understand you are under extreme stress and that's affecting your relationship with your partner. That is not unusual.

Most partners don't know what to do in extreme stressful problems, they almost need therapy to teach them how to help. They only know what they have experienced or not experienced and feel helpless. My partner has his own childhood trauma and it affects his ability to help me with my CPTSD . I'm lucky he's pretty patient and isn't a drinker. But he does like to gamble ....I can't fix his problems I just try to focus on my own and try to improve myself and my circumstances. I am doing that , just takes time. I have been working on it for 3 years now. I have so much trauma it's going to take a long time ....my condition is likely permanent. I just really try to put my needs first, he's an adult and can work on his daily stuff without my help. He's doing ok.

Somedays I just have to do the things that give me a little hope, take a walk, watch a funny movie, focus on cleaning, take a nap, read a book, also arts and crafts type hobbies. One day I painted the hallway in my house lol. It looks nice. I used some leftover paint from another project. I really try to improve my surroundings because it helps me alot. I found some cheap $5 pillows and bought a couple they have cute sayings on them. Small things can make a big difference.

Best always 💜 ABB

Hey @amiableblackberry92,

How are you doing today? I hope you are doing well. As for me right now I’m still struggling with my cough congestion. It’s really hard for me to even talk so normally I just have to take it really slow. I did see the Dr at the hospitals and all they do is give me treatment and don’t normally prescribe any medicine my regular DR is the one that has to do that.

right now I’m having a hard time still communicating with my regular DR. So another nurse had to see me, she didn’t really know what she was doing. All she did was I can’t prescribe you any more medicine because I don’t want you to rely on that so I’m going to send you to get chest X-rays done. So I did get them done but I’m still feeling horrible. They don’t give me answers our tell me what is wrong with me.

Right now I had to schedule an appointment with my pulmonologist he is the one I seen in the past, he is specialists with asthma and lungs. But I don’t get to see him till January he is so booked. While I’m struggling with my congestion, my anxiety and not to tell you I’m feeling so exhausted and tired because I can hardly even sleep. My husband is no support at all he gets things worse. Like today I told him if he can please helped me with going to the store to do the shopping and take my daughter to get what she needs. All he did was insult me get mad just cause I told him to help.

He is not doing anything to help me plus he is not working out providing anything for my household. I have to be the one doing everything such as food, bills, my girls needs, getting the car to get wash 🧼 etc. I mean why do you even need a guy like this when all he does is making things worse. I have him so he can help me in some time if way, but all he does is aggravate my symptoms more.

I already told him if he doesn’t change he’s attitude he is going to be out of the house. I need to be relax but I’m not everyday is hard for me. And I do things such as play games on my phone, listen to music, watch movies, and talk to some people that are family. But I just feel is not enough I also feel like my therapist and psychiatrist are not enough. Why I’m feeling this way I dont know but I do enjoy things it’s just that I’m loosing interest and don’t know how to get myself together.

Prednisone I did have it in the past for this congestion but they don’t want to give it to me anymore I feel like it wasn’t helpful since the congestion came back. So maybe this is the reason why they don’t want to give it to me anymore. I’m having a hard time with many things that I feel I just want to scream. I know I have a family and everything but sometimes with ability to function is affecting all this including my own family. I’m glad that you are stronger than before it seems to me that your husband even though he might not be there for you, he is patient and hopefully he helps you around the house and at least let’s you focus on yourself. I’m so sorry I wrote this long I just need to get it out our I’m about to crack.

Hey @amiableblackberry92,

Just wanted to check with you today and see if you were able to see my last message I sent you the other day. Hopefully you are doing well. Just wanted to let you know I already went to both courts and well I must say I got some good news and some bad news but nothing to worry about. I think base on what they told me today is that court does take mental health into consideration I’m so happy :) so it could be a possibility that i can avoid jail time, and just do probation. But I don’t want to get my hopes up as of yet, I have both courts again but in a month and half away, so now I can just relax. Right now I’m just going to try to organize myself better and try to get letters from Dr, my psychiatrist, and my therapist which all of them already gave me some documentation to show them that I’m not doing well. I’m a little mad because this public defender I was able to talk to him for the very first time, and he was trying to be a jerk with me. So I didn’t let him and told him listen i been trying to call you and you are never available for me. I have this case that is almost at a jury and what are you doing nothing. So I told him about my mental health and my counseling and he was like what does that have to do with these case? I was like ah everything its your ability to function duh, so he didn’t say anything after I told them this. I feel so proud of myself for doing that. Props for me yay :) So I hope i your doing well and i can hear from you soon take care.

@Lasweetbaby34

Omg! I'm so proud of you!

I'm glad it went well and that your taking action on your behalf. You are so great! I'm glad you told that defender your thoughts, good job. Mental health is huge, just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there and hindering in some way your ability to function.

I'm glad your getting your paperwork organized asking Drs for documentation. Your going to be ok I just feel it.

I'm hanging on but this news from you has really made me filled Up with hope for you.

Praying does work.

I know you have future court dates but now your getting documents together and acting on your own self care.

Putting yourself first is everything. Keep up the good work, I do believe I notice your confidence has been boosted ☺️ yay Mayna!

Best ABB 💜

@amiableblckberry92,

thank you so very much :) you are making me feel happy and proud of myself once again. Chatting with you has made me have confidence in myself, and say what i have to say. Thanks for being there for me and not letting me alone that makes a huge difference in my life. You are here more for me than my own family and also my kids. See my mom knows about this and she doesn’t even care of what is going on with me. Even though I’m mature and a adult it doesn’t mean i don’t need my mom in my life, but she has never been there for me at all and it hurts me.

right now I have to be tuff for myself and also for my kids, yesterday when the public defender was like trying to be a jerk with me by saying that what did the mental papers had to do with anything i was like a lot what are you talking about. It’s your ability to function correctly duh so he just stayed quiet after that. But anyways they gave another court date called oho or something like that don’t know what that is about though. So right now I’m glad I don’t have to go to courts for a few months so I’m a bit relaxed but still having problems with asthma right now.

do to the session changing I can’t breath very well its hurting my lungs so much and I have to be in my nebulizar machine almost all day. I did went and see my regular DR to see what the issue was, and she did give me medication and it took it away for a second but then it came back. It doesn’t let me sleep all night, and if it does i just wake up wheezing so bad and I can’t even breath at all when that happens. Yes I’m getting everything together lets just hope that I don’t lose that documentation because the way I’m feeling right now that could happen. And once again thanks for all the encouragement you been giving me your are awesome :)

@Lasweetbaby34

I'm sorry your mom isn't a good supporter. I understand, my mom wasn't good for me , now she's sick in a dementia facility. So I feel pretty alone alot too.

I know your doing so much better by your post. You are alot more confident! Yay!

If your conditions keeping you up at night I'd be pestering those Drs. You need your sleep. Your condition sounds alot more severe than mine. I'm so sorry. Is it triggered by allergies? One of my kids is super allergic to dust mites and is always cleaning, washing etc.

I'm glad I was able to help you find your inner hero! I knew it was there, you needed someone who cares to point it out...

Your stronger than ppl tell you, your a mom and it's that mom strength you grab onto. Remember no one takes care of you better than you!!

Keep up the good work, put those papers in a sacred place you will be able to keep them safe.

Best ABB 💜

@amiableblackberry92,

hopefully you are doing well today. I haven’t been feeling well at all this past days. That is why I haven’t replied back to you, my wheezing is terrible, and it’s still keeping me up at night. I already tried to call my DR but haven’t heard from them since they usually take forever to call me back. I don’t know if it’s allergies that gives me this cough, but right now even my lungs and my chest hurt so much of me coughing a lot. It’s really hard for me to even do activities during the day. And well yesterday that is was Halloween 🎃 👻I couldn’t take my girls trick or treating because I wasn’t feeling well at all. Hopefully this doctor of mine gets back to me if not I think I’m going to go to the hospital. I can’t be like this anymore I tried medicines and nothing seems to be working for me since I’m so congestion on my chest I could hear it..