It' a little embarrassing, but, in a year and a half I will be an irl 40 year old virgin. lol

@Magnus333 I am proud of you for resisting societal pressure to lose virginity. Better s virgin than sexually abused

@helloCranberry5684

Thank you Cranberry. That's actually one of the reasons I'm still a virgin. I've been propositioned before but I refuse to have sex with someone I don't have a trusting emotional relationship with. There are other factors obviously but that's a big one.

@helloCranberry5684 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, with us.

Thanks for helping this member out.

@Magnus333

For the record, I think it’s totally okay to be a virgin at any age. It’s your choice! And we shouldn’t be pressuring people as a society to have sex if they don’t want to or just choose not to 🤷🏻‍♂️

@eumesmo Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

Its never too late to have relationships. Have you watched Autism dating shows on Netflix?

@LostTurtle22

I haven't but I've heard good things about it.

@LostTurtle22 Thanks for sharing this resource with us.

Thanks for helping this member out.

I am close to your age, same condition with you, I think it as the best way that God has designed for us, that is mine perspective, an Islamic one, but helps me quite a lot, also I believe and hope to have a perfect match one day, either on earth or heaven. And that consoles me, because if it was not for that believe I could have felt somehow heart broken like a child who couldnot get a thing wanted. But now I feel relieved. I kinda think that whatever kind of life happpens to a person, it is the best version for him/her in the long run, in terms of eternity. Anyway this is just my thinking, I respect all other people with their feelings and persoectives. All are uniquely beautiful. Best regards

@bilenn

Thank you for your perspective. I get the impression that you're a spiritual person. I am as well. In fact, spirituality is the main focus of my life. It always has been since I was a child. My feelings on the subject are pretty close to yours, that there's some plan in place that I'm not totally aware of and in the end whatever happens in my life is a part of that plan and is for my greater good.

Wow, thats exactly what happens to me, yet i'm not your age yet, and I don't consider myself very good looking. Sometimes I forgot Ive been physically and emotionally neglected and abused and thats why ir must be so dificult for me to have social relacionship. At 27 one of my hopes is find friends so I can invite someone to my birthday party. Sometimes I compare myself to others, but then I remember that they didnt passed what I passed trought, so I will probably be easy for them I guess. I guess i'll have to go at my own pace, even if I feel i'm "later" than others.

@Magnus333 I'm pretty much 30, and it's the same situation. Combination of reasons, including an abnormal childhood.

Iam in the same situation

@Magnus333

I'm 26 and I am currently in my first actual relationship. I had sex for the first time with my current partner. I had a previous... "relationship" for lack of a better word, that was not healthy at all, but I'd never slept with that person. For which I'm glad honestly. But yeah, there's nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship. And I think if people made a habit of not having sex with people they don't have an emotional bond with, the world would be just that much better. So much pain comes from wanton lust.

@confusedRaven6140

If your comfortable sharing, is this also your partner's first sexual relationship? If not, did you discuss with your partner that you never had sex before them, and if so, how did they process it?

@Magnus333

Nope. And my partner actually does not know that this is my first sexual relationship. He actually asked me the first time we had sex because I uh... ended up bleeding 😅 But that is the one thing I actually lied to him about. I wish I hadn't, but when that happened I was in a really bad place mentally and emotionally (cos of some family stuff). And I knew he would make a bigger deal out of it than I wanted made out of it... or than I could cope with at that time.

So I can't really help you there besides telling you not to make my mistake. 🙃 Just be honest. Though I guess I can share my experience with my previous "partner". Him I had told that I had never had sex before when we were sorta together. It honestly wasn't that big a deal. I mean, he asked me if I was asexual, I told him no, I just hadn't met anyone I'd wanted to have sex with before. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don't think most people care that much tbh.

I do want to tell my partner this at some point. I'm just not sure exactly how.

@Magnus333 I'm sorry you're struggling with your mind brother. There's a lot of pressure from the media and hollywood narratives to frame sexual activity as the pinnacle of one's personal identity.

It's easy to assume a "relationship" of any variety will somehow deliver to us a sense of contentment or satisfaction that single life cannot. Where do you sense that idea derives? To whom has generated that framework? Is not reproduction a biological process much larger than the individual? Is not personal satisfaction a state of mind governed by forces we must recognize as manipulative internal and external drives?

@bontaki

I think biology plays the largest part in humanity's desire/need to couple be it romantic, sexual, or platonic. We are social animals after all. Without the support of other's our species would go extinct. I'm not too concerned with the societal aspects of coupling; vis-a-vis societal expectation or striving for normality. I do think romantic and sexual relationships are something most of us need to be emotionally, physically, and psychologically healthy. I think that's why it's so pervasive in media. I think it's pretty clear media reflects humanity's basic needs and the greater the need the more media reflects it. Commercials are the perfect example; food, sex, romance, fashion (buying and wearing similar clothes to assimilate with the group). I think it's just a basic need; for most of us anyway.

Totally I think you're spot on as it being a primal aspect of human necessity. I tend think about maslow's traingle of needs in that sense.

I try to take a step further as you mentioned about it's purpose for humanity. Ultimately we're designed for the positive cultivation of our offspring.

What's rather intruiging about that logic is that regardless of our personal reproductive success we are still members of a greater whole and our actions towards supporting society on any level constitutes a familial resonance. I guess I tend to see everyone as family these days, recognize kin in every stranger. The prefix "kin" is also adopted in "kindness" I find that intruiging.

Stay well brother, I understand what you mean I hope you can find your equilibrium.

@bontaki

Thanks! I was going to mention Maslow's hierarchy of needs in my reply to you but decided against it. lol

Yes same situation with me . It's tough. I was thinking to be single whole life now due to this reason ☹️

@saqb

I feel you. I'm trying to reconcile the possibility of being single for the rest of my life. I'm not sure of my feelings. Part of me is just fine with it and another part of me isn't. It fluctuates. Some days I'm totally okay with it and other days it bothers me.

What are your thoughts and feelings on your situation?

@Magnus333 I know how hard this is. I'm 33 and still having a lot of trouble with dating. I get it. I see how easy it is to end up here. I spent all of my 20s trying to figure out just how to survive. I too have a troubled past with little family support and was not educated on how to make it in the real world with social anxiety disorder + panic disorder from a combination of genetics and trauma. I like to trust that God has a plan for me, even though I am not religious at all, I find it still helps. I try my best every day to be a better person for myself and the rest of the world. I try not to victimize myself, and I even try to fit in with "normal" people. I choose to surround myself with people who have good values and work ethic, and who treat others with respect. It's easy to feel like you missed your boat, that it's all a downhill slide. But life doesn't have the same path for everyone. Sometimes those who have different paths....are the most spectacular paths.

@fernforest PS I'm a woman for clarification

Hey!

That’s a powerful characteristic to be the first rate version of yourself, and refuse to be in rat race or herd of sheep. If you didn’t want to have sex yet, then it’s because you didn’t want to. Your life, your choice. It’s for the best. Do it when you want to do it. It’s an honorable decision. It is wonderful that you didn’t give in to the programming of a toxic society., and respected your heart. Trust the timing of your life.

@Magnus333

Due to my past abuse, anxiety, depression, ect... I've yet to have a romantic or sexual relationship. I've never even been on a date, held anyone's hand, or kissed anyone. I'm not a bad looking guy and I've had several people interested in me, but, my past trauma and mental issues have kept me from seeking or accepting romantic relationships. I'm not trying to throw a pity party or complain, and, I'm not particularly sad about it, nor am I seeking advice. I'm just curious; is there anyone else out there that has avoided, rejected, or found it too difficult to seek romantic relationships? I would be interested in discussing this topic with others who are in the same boat as me.

Hii Magnus <3

Proud of you for not giving in to societal norms, there are many people who lose their virginity and/or start seeking for romantic relationships in their adulthood, you're not alone <3. There are people who also decide to not seek for a sexual/romantic relationship at all, many even! And people who do want to engage in romantic/sexual activities, but can't or haven't been able to yet.

Romantic and sexual relationships and acts are broad topics that many feel differently about, and it is an important topic for lots of people, which also makes it an important choice to engage in them or to not do that. Please don't let others force you into it, it's your choice <3, there is no such thing as a good or bad age to engage in them, and even, there is no rule that we also have to engage in them.

I can only imagine what it must be like for you, but I can relate to you. There's a guy that's really sweet and fun to be around, but I don't think I'm in the right state of mind right now for a relationship, I'm not ready yet. And sexually too, I'm still a virgin haha. It can be really hard sometimes with the stigma that is around virginity and the thoughts that people have about it, please don't let others influence you in your choice, it's your choice only, so don't let others make it for you <3

Hope you'll come to a decision that you'll come to peace with, and please remember that that decision can always change later too if you'll feel more ready for it. We're here for you if you want to talk to someone about it. You're amazing and so brave for talking about this too! Wish you well

@doritoast

Aahhh I usually copy someone's post so I can reread it when replying to it, but I forgot to delete it before posting ;-;, I'm sorry

@doritoast

no problem. ❤️

I respect the fact that you are a virgin 🙏🏾🥹

@courteousBlackberry8339

thank you!

I went 30 years without sex. However, there were a lot of emotional relationships and fooling around. I had own issues that stopped me from getting physical. But once I opened up, things have been looking up for the last 10 years. I still have some underlying insecurities, but man, it’s so worth it to face the fear head on and go out and be intimate. All the best to you.

@jackfruit0380

Thank you for your insight. I definitely have fear of intimacy that I'm going to have to tackle with therapy. I think I would like intimacy but I have a ton of problems that I need to address first. I don't want to bring a ton of baggage to a relationship and doom it from the beginning.

@Magnus333 Hey. I am a 24 year old girl who has never been in any relationship. Not even dating. I am heterosexual though. I have got proposals from guys. But I still think I haven't found the right type of guy for myself. Some may think I am choosy but it's not the case. Most people of my age come into peer pressure and start dating. Even I too have sexual urges and crave to experience romance in all forms in my life. But I am still in search of an ideal romantic partner. I had once fallen in love with a guy whom I had rejected earlier,but later on he rejected me. My friends find it hard to believe that I am still single in today's world. Sometimes even I feel maybe I am a bit too slow. But I am just leaving it on time. Just know, you are not alone in this.

@Ruchi1234

thank you

@Magnus333

Hello Magnus,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it's truly wonderful seeing the discussion going on in this thread. There really is no need to feel embarrassed about having little to no experience in romantic or sexual relationships though. Despite what the media might tend to portray, there's more to life than sex! You're definitely not the only one in this situation, and there's nothing wrong with taking the time to properly sort out your thoughts before deciding how you want to go about things moving forward. We all navigate through life at our own paces; no need to rush things, especially when it comes to engaging in something as serious and long-term as a relationship. What matters most is that you're comfortable with your choices.

I may be a bit younger, but I can very much relate to your situation nonetheless. I don't exactly have a traumatic past, but let's just say that I've grown up in less than ideal conditions when it comes to the whole social aspect of life haha. The whole topic of sex and romance was taboo in my household as well, so for the longest time, my knowledge of any related subject was actually limited to what I was taught in school. Perhaps that has had an influence on how I view things today. Either way, as far as I can remember, I've never truly had an interest in getting into any kind of romantic relationship. To this day, I have yet to experience any romantic "milestones" (i.e. going on a date, kissing, etc.), and I don't have any plans to go out of my way to try and experience them anytime soon, either.

Anyway, I found your post quite compelling, and I just wanted you to know that there are plenty of people who can relate to you and who are going through a similar situation as you. I admire your initiative in creating this thread, it must not have been easy to share your thoughts on such a topic, but I'm glad you did. Feel free to reach out if you need some additional support as well, I'd be open to further discuss this topic if you would like! Best wishes :)

@OrganizedChaos25

Thank you. I'll keep you in mind. ❤️

@Magnus333

I was past 35 when I had my first kiss, holding hands and all. I don't regret taking my time in the slightest. But I do remember lots of frustration and anxiety that it might never happen. It wasn't easy.

Expectations of society of when things "should" happen make this worse. And the happily ever after concept so common I'm the media also made it difficult for me when things finally started happening. It really gives you unrealistic expectations of relationships and I had to learn about reality.

My partner was more experienced and I did tell them about my experience level as things came up. But they kinda already knew. I guess they could tell something was up. If you love someone, it's not that difficult a conversation because you want to help each other be happy.

Good luck in your own romance journey.

Hi I was just wondering do you know what being an asexual is cause I recommend looking it up idk what your sexuality but it’s just a thought cause there are many asexuals who are exactly like this so your not alone don’t worry :)

@sincerePear1244

I'm gay and demisexual, which is on the asexuality spectrum I believe.