It' a little embarrassing, but, in a year and a half I will be an irl 40 year old virgin. lol
Hi all,
Due to my past abuse, anxiety, depression, ect... I've yet to have a romantic or sexual relationship. I've never even been on a date, held anyone's hand, or kissed anyone. I'm not a bad looking guy and I've had several people interested in me, but, my past trauma and mental issues have kept me from seeking or accepting romantic relationships. I'm not trying to throw a pity party or complain, and, I'm not particularly sad about it, nor am I seeking advice. I'm just curious; is there anyone else out there that has avoided, rejected, or found it too difficult to seek romantic relationships? I would be interested in discussing this topic with others who are in the same boat as me.
@Magnus333 I am proud of you for resisting societal pressure to lose virginity. Better s virgin than sexually abused
@helloCranberry5684
Thank you Cranberry. That's actually one of the reasons I'm still a virgin. I've been propositioned before but I refuse to have sex with someone I don't have a trusting emotional relationship with. There are other factors obviously but that's a big one.
@helloCranberry5684 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, with us.
Thanks for helping this member out.
@Magnus333
For the record, I think it’s totally okay to be a virgin at any age. It’s your choice! And we shouldn’t be pressuring people as a society to have sex if they don’t want to or just choose not to 🤷🏻♂️
@eumesmo Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
Its never too late to have relationships. Have you watched Autism dating shows on Netflix?
@LostTurtle22 Thanks for sharing this resource with us.
Thanks for helping this member out.
I am close to your age, same condition with you, I think it as the best way that God has designed for us, that is mine perspective, an Islamic one, but helps me quite a lot, also I believe and hope to have a perfect match one day, either on earth or heaven. And that consoles me, because if it was not for that believe I could have felt somehow heart broken like a child who couldnot get a thing wanted. But now I feel relieved. I kinda think that whatever kind of life happpens to a person, it is the best version for him/her in the long run, in terms of eternity. Anyway this is just my thinking, I respect all other people with their feelings and persoectives. All are uniquely beautiful. Best regards
@bilenn
Thank you for your perspective. I get the impression that you're a spiritual person. I am as well. In fact, spirituality is the main focus of my life. It always has been since I was a child. My feelings on the subject are pretty close to yours, that there's some plan in place that I'm not totally aware of and in the end whatever happens in my life is a part of that plan and is for my greater good.
Wow, thats exactly what happens to me, yet i'm not your age yet, and I don't consider myself very good looking. Sometimes I forgot Ive been physically and emotionally neglected and abused and thats why ir must be so dificult for me to have social relacionship. At 27 one of my hopes is find friends so I can invite someone to my birthday party. Sometimes I compare myself to others, but then I remember that they didnt passed what I passed trought, so I will probably be easy for them I guess. I guess i'll have to go at my own pace, even if I feel i'm "later" than others.
@Magnus333 I'm pretty much 30, and it's the same situation. Combination of reasons, including an abnormal childhood.
Iam in the same situation
@Magnus333
I'm 26 and I am currently in my first actual relationship. I had sex for the first time with my current partner. I had a previous... "relationship" for lack of a better word, that was not healthy at all, but I'd never slept with that person. For which I'm glad honestly. But yeah, there's nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship. And I think if people made a habit of not having sex with people they don't have an emotional bond with, the world would be just that much better. So much pain comes from wanton lust.
@confusedRaven6140
If your comfortable sharing, is this also your partner's first sexual relationship? If not, did you discuss with your partner that you never had sex before them, and if so, how did they process it?
@Magnus333
Nope. And my partner actually does not know that this is my first sexual relationship. He actually asked me the first time we had sex because I uh... ended up bleeding 😅 But that is the one thing I actually lied to him about. I wish I hadn't, but when that happened I was in a really bad place mentally and emotionally (cos of some family stuff). And I knew he would make a bigger deal out of it than I wanted made out of it... or than I could cope with at that time.
So I can't really help you there besides telling you not to make my mistake. 🙃 Just be honest. Though I guess I can share my experience with my previous "partner". Him I had told that I had never had sex before when we were sorta together. It honestly wasn't that big a deal. I mean, he asked me if I was asexual, I told him no, I just hadn't met anyone I'd wanted to have sex with before. 🤷🏼♀️ I don't think most people care that much tbh.
I do want to tell my partner this at some point. I'm just not sure exactly how.
@Magnus333 I'm sorry you're struggling with your mind brother. There's a lot of pressure from the media and hollywood narratives to frame sexual activity as the pinnacle of one's personal identity.
It's easy to assume a "relationship" of any variety will somehow deliver to us a sense of contentment or satisfaction that single life cannot. Where do you sense that idea derives? To whom has generated that framework? Is not reproduction a biological process much larger than the individual? Is not personal satisfaction a state of mind governed by forces we must recognize as manipulative internal and external drives?
@bontaki
I think biology plays the largest part in humanity's desire/need to couple be it romantic, sexual, or platonic. We are social animals after all. Without the support of other's our species would go extinct. I'm not too concerned with the societal aspects of coupling; vis-a-vis societal expectation or striving for normality. I do think romantic and sexual relationships are something most of us need to be emotionally, physically, and psychologically healthy. I think that's why it's so pervasive in media. I think it's pretty clear media reflects humanity's basic needs and the greater the need the more media reflects it. Commercials are the perfect example; food, sex, romance, fashion (buying and wearing similar clothes to assimilate with the group). I think it's just a basic need; for most of us anyway.
Totally I think you're spot on as it being a primal aspect of human necessity. I tend think about maslow's traingle of needs in that sense.
I try to take a step further as you mentioned about it's purpose for humanity. Ultimately we're designed for the positive cultivation of our offspring.
What's rather intruiging about that logic is that regardless of our personal reproductive success we are still members of a greater whole and our actions towards supporting society on any level constitutes a familial resonance. I guess I tend to see everyone as family these days, recognize kin in every stranger. The prefix "kin" is also adopted in "kindness" I find that intruiging.
Stay well brother, I understand what you mean I hope you can find your equilibrium.
