Weekly Prompt #1: What are some unexpected challenges and triumphs you've encountered in your 30s and beyond?
Welcome to 35+ Community,
As we navigate through our 30s and beyond, life presents us with unexpected challenges and triumphs that shape our experiences and perceptions and define who we are. These years bring a unique set of experiences and test our resilience, patience and push us out of our comfort zones, and ultimately lead to personal growth. Let's explore and share some of the surprising obstacles and victories that many of us encounter during this stage of life.
Question of the week: What are some unexpected challenges and triumphs you've encountered in your 30s and beyond?
Please share and discuss together. Also, you can join us in 35+ group support chats for live discussions and exploration as well. Click here to join!
@ASilentObserver
Even though I work three times as hard, I'm extremely and horribly poor compared to my parents and grandparents at my age.
Forces outside my control destroyed my desire or ability to have kids, sex or dreams because of how chronically FUBAR everything is.
I started brutally self harming during the pandemic and there's no real resources to help...not just with that, but with anything.
Whatever glory there is in these challenges is with all the light, warmth and hope of a distant star left in a universe-sized void.
If you agree, or disagree, or want to placate me, maybe watch https://youtu.be/qEJ4hkpQW8E?si=3dA-AfliYZ0hluUu
@communicativePond1728 Thank you for sharing, pond. You are experiencing significant challenges and feeling discouraged about your circumstances. Your experiences with poverty, lack of resources, and struggles with self-harm are painful and struggling. I can't even imagine that these challenges have taken a toll on your sense of hope and well-being. Thank you for sharing the video link, I will check that out.
@ASilentObserver
- Watching people in the world slowly then more alarmingly become younger and younger
- Feeling my hopes and dreams become harder and harder to achieve
- Gradually failing to recognize people more and more in magazines and at award and fashion shows, etc.
- Finding noise like loud motorcycles and vehicles just downright annoying and an affront to my most basic and tender fundamental rights
- Thought causing my joints to snap, crackle and pop like milk was just added to a bowl of Rice Crispies.
- The clothes in many shops I used to frequent suddenly becoming so juvenile to me
- Looking at my melting face and body in horror and needing to work seven times as hard for half the results in a world that already discounts and has discounted me in so many ways
@communicativePond1728 It seems like you are experiencing some changes that have been difficult to accept as you have grown older. Seeing others around you change too can be tough, especially when it feels like opportunities are slipping away. How do these changes affect your sense of self?
@ASilentObserver Focusing on others affects my sense of self in many ways.
It can affects it in a positive way when I allow myself to take what I like and leave what I don't.
It can affect it in negative ways when I'm being beaten down by compulsions borne of distorted beliefs.
@ASilentObserve
I should not have wasted my twenties playing video games, not pursuing the career I chose, and being a shut-in.
At
36, I managed to turn everything around. I dropped 50 pounds, quit
several bad habits, and go to whatever is happening around town that
interests me. Art walks, theater, 5K's. Stuff like that.
It is possible to change. It is very difficult to do so. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes tiny steps.
If
I had not changed, I would be over 300 pounds, unemployed, and still
deathly afraid of other people to the point where I couldn't even take a
walk outside on a beautiful morning.
However. It is still difficult to make friends. I have plenty of acquaintances, sure. I know how to keep a conversation going. I am happily received, and fairly well respected. But if I am going to one of those events I mentioned, it is likely done alone since many of the people I know have families, really enjoy video games or Netflix, or are already doing something else with friends they have had for years.
It can hurt, yes. But. Those bad decisions are still part of who I am. I made them, and I can't take them back. I can attempt to guide others away from them if they are looking for a way out. That helps me come to terms with mistakes I made that likely will have permanent consequences.
I am grateful that I
changed. I could not imagine going back to who I was. I did have a
little bit of help, but there were several points in the beginning where
I could have chosen to give up. I didn't.
@Aurelius121 That is excellent. Losing weight, quitting bad habits, and engaging in new activities requires a lot of hard work and dedication. How has changing these aspects of your life impacted your overall well-being?
@ASilentObserver
I can only speak for myself. This might get a little hard for me to put into words without sounding odd.
It's liberating. When I look back on who I was, I see someone trapped inside a prison cell of their own design. The door was unlocked the entire time. I could have left whenever I wanted. Change invites uncertainty. That's why fear always beckons us back to comfort. It's easier to be miserable.
@ASilentObserver
What are some unexpected challenges and triumphs you've encountered in your 30s and beyond?
39- challenges- addiction, depression, ptsd,anxiety, trauma, divorce, grief
Triumphs- overcoming depression, healed from divorce, my family, adoption, re married, career, healing journey, sober no meds , no alcohol or drugs 🐡🐡✨️✨️
@SummerKay2024 it feels like you have been through quite a lot in your life. I am so proud of all that you have accomplished. How do you feel about being sober now?
@ASilentObserver
Happy and proud to be able to do it sober 🐡✨️✨️✨️✨️
What immediately comes to mind for me when entering my 30's is how my perception changed drastically of how I envisioned my life being in my 30's. I always had a view that I would have everything together in my 30's and living this wondrous life of everything just being put together. But I was completely and utterly misguided to believe such a thing.
I never saw myself living through two back to back traumas that ultimately lead me to a spiritual awakening and seeking a sense of purpose in my life and a healing journey to personally better myself. And then there's the recent health "scare" of finding out I'm a type II diabetic while also simultaneously attempting to combat my depression by attempting therapy/counseling and actually being upfront with my doctor about it. Still a work in progress, though.
But it would seem that even with the unexpected things, there have been some equally good things that have came from them. Like having this really amazing job and feeling like I'm connecting more with who I am. I feel like I'm shedding an old narrative about myself and slowly becoming more aligned with who I really am.
One thing I do wish though is that things would slow down. It just seemed like I was 30 yesterday, and then pretty soon I'll be 34, so it's really scary how time flies in your 30's..
@janewayalpha1 It seems like you were misunderstood about what your 30s would look like, which can happen. How has your perception changed?
@ASilentObserver
I certainly was! One thing for sure that's change is how I view the value of time. I try to be more mindful of the time that I have and where I spend it. I try to align myself with things that I feel are good for me and walk away from things that I know don't ultimately serve my highest good. I certainly feel like things happen for you now instead of to you. That there's a bigger reason for things happening the way that they do because they are truly meant to happen that way.
@ASilentObserver
Loss of grown children, loss of friendships and loss of trust.
@4Jasmine It seems like you have faced significant changes in your life over the past decade. Losing connections with our children and friends can bring up complex emotions. How has this impacted your sense of identity?
It has left me lonely. My significance was so focused on raising my children that once they were grown up, I felt that I had lost my sense of purpose and identity. There were huge issues with people who I thought were my friends and my last child was illegally taken from my before I had completed my youthful years with her. My life felt like it was collapsing. My marriage was close to divorce, my husband’s choice, and I was left very hurt, angry and lonely. I am working hard at reestablishing a new normal that includes a new set of friends, family and a new positive social life. Forgiveness is my greatest hurdle, but if I am going to enjoy my retired years, this will be absolutely necessary!
@4Jasmine I can only imagine how challenging this must have been for you. Losing one's sense of purpose and identity after dedicating so much time to parenting can bring up complex emotions. It feels like rebuilding your life from scratch is quite the journey. Which aspects of forgiveness feel most daunting?
@ASilentObserver
The emotional pain caused by the situation.
When I was still in high school, I had imagined what my life would be like, in my late 20s and 30s. None of what I have imagined had come true, nor do I feel I'm anywhere near it. Now in my mid-30s, I'm still struggling to have a stable income, making me financially unstable, I'm still single.. (not the same situation as I had imagined).
I'm actually afraid of what my future will look like if this continues the next few years when I turn 40.
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk It seems like you were hoping for different circumstances by now. What aspects of your life right now feel most challenging?
The most challenging i find now is being financially unstable. Not having a full-time position for work and not having medical insurance.. dental work is expensive.. and everything just comes out of my own pocket.. it's not the norm for someone at my age.