Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
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Tania
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Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.
Top Rated Answers
Your daughter is a lesbian because that is who she finds mentally, physically, sexually, an emotionally attractive. Much like you are whatever sexual orientation you are.
Coming from a lesbian teenager your daughter might be confused herself and doesn't know why she feels this way and supporting her is the best thing you can do is not worry about 'why' but rather 'what you can do to support her' and make her feel most comfortable in her own skin. It's just the way she feels and a happy daughter is much better than a miserable daughter.
Because she feels that a male isn't who she needs by her side. She wants a female by her side, and that should be supported by any means and I sincerely hope it is.
It might be hard for her to be open about this, so please take her feelings to consideration in this. She isn't a lesbian to spite you, or anyone else.
She is lesbian because it was just how she was wired. Its just how she was born. You can't change that. If she likes girls, she likes girls. Its not a big deal. Love her and accept her no matter what. She is your daughter. You only get one of her.
I don't think anyone can give you a definite answer. We still don't know why certain people are gay while others aren't. But why are you asking the question exactly? I understand it can be a really hard thing to accept, I also understand that you might be scared or hurt right now. And that doesn't make you a bad parent. The important thing here is that this is not something that can change. Your daughter never chose to be gay, it's also not your fault, but that's just how things are. And what you're probably gonna have to do now is accept this reality and get used to the idea. I've seen too many parents loose the respect of their (gay) children because they tried to change who they were to not warn you about it. Communicate, get informed, ask questions, focus on the love you have for your daughter, and things will be alright.
Being attracted to the female gender is something she feels that is apart of her whether it is a real attraction or not because she feels like it is. It is important to her.
That's an interesting question, actually. First of all, I would like to applaud you for trying to find answers. That says to me that you are trying to understand her better. Secondly, if your daughter chose to come out to you (to tell you she is gay), that is great! It means she trusts you will react well. Being a lesbian, as far as i can explain, is like being straight, just for the same gender. There is a whole spectrum of sexualities and preferences. Sexuality is not a binary, that is to say, sexuality is not one thing or another, you see? Your daughter is a lesbian because she fancies girls, and that is just as natural to her as liking guys is to straight girls. There isn't really a choice to sexuality, just like there isn't really a choice in a favourite colour or eye colour or skin colour. Simply put, your daughter is a lesbian because she was born that way, and it as much a part of her as anything else that you love about her! If you want to ask anymore questions, I am here for you! (@Ciara2507). Thank you for asking questions to try to understand your daughter! :)
It is believed that sexuality is developed very early in life, as in it is a part of your brain. It can also be developed a little later in life. By the time someone reaches late childhood, their sexuality is defined, even if they do not know it yet. A person's sexuality also can not be changed through methods such as conversion therapy. Accepting a child for being something other than straight can be difficult. One way that you can try to have sympathy for her is to think about your own experience with sexuality. You didn't choose to be straight, it's just what felt right, so who's to say she hasn't had the same experience?
Anonymous
November 14th, 2015 5:10pm
Your daughter can't choose her sexuality. It's something she was born with and she can't change that
Anonymous
November 15th, 2015 6:55am
It's simply just a matter of who she's attracted to. It's not necessarily something she can control, either. There isn't anything behind it either, about why. It's just who she likes.
Currently no-one truly understands how sexual orientation comes about and develops. The most we can say at the moment is that it is probably determined by a mixture of genetics and environmental influences. Sexual orientation is certainly not a choice that your daughter will have made - it is just a part of who she is.
Ok, it's something biological, and there is nothing wrong with being gay. What you should do is support your daughter, show how much you love her
There is no reasoning behind any sexuality. All sexualities are natural. Please respect your daughter no matter who she is attracted to.
People have different sexual orientations :) It is not a choice. It basically just is the way it is. We do not choose what gender we like, what person we fall for, or what feelings we have for one person or what feelings we perhaps don't have for another person.
I don't think there should be a reason, it's not something that you can choose. If your daughter is a lesbian the best thing you can do is support her and show her that you will love her no matter what.
Because she was born this way. There's nothing bad about being a lesbian, and that doesn't make her less of a person.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2015 12:46pm
In my culture, most girls who are lesbians become so because their parents were so strict and never let them hangout with boys, naturally, they started hanging out with girls so much that they started attaching my intimate feelings with girls.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2015 9:27pm
She was born a lesbian and there is absolutely nothing wrong with her being a lesbian. It is honestly by birth, not choice, that people are gay, lesbian, trans, or any sexuality really. Just show love and compassion for your daughter and she'll be perfectly normal.
Anonymous
November 28th, 2017 7:40am
This can seem very difficult to answer and possibly difficult to understand. Being lesbian, liking women, or being gay and liking men isn’t something that can be controlled. Imagine the way you look at someone you love. It’s just this overwhelming feeling, one that you can’t exactly explain. We all get this feeling, whether it be looking at people we care about or that special someone in our lives. The thing is, that your daughter did not choose to be a lesbian. She was born liking women the way that you may like men/women. If you have a significant other, or have been in love, you know that this feeling is not something you choose. It just happens—this beautiful feeling—a skip of the heart, butterflies in the stomach. I know that I didn’t choose to fall in love with the man I’m with, and nobody exactly chooses to fall in love with a specific person. It just happens. And love is beautiful, no matter who it’s with. And these feelings can not be changed :) love is love. If you mean more scientifically, some people have come to believe that there is a ‘gay’ gene in your genetics which decides if someone is what we call straight or gay (bisexual, asexual, Pan sexual, soforth), so it is predetermined before someone is born. This seems to be the most likely, but it is definitely not a choice. I could not imagine being in love with a woman, just like how people who like the same gender couldn’t imagine being in love with the opposite gender. I hope this helped!! (And I hope you’re doing okay)
Anonymous
July 30th, 2019 6:58pm
People can't always control who they're attracted to and more often than not they feel isolated and unhappy when they discover that they are homosexual or any other part of the LGBTQ+ community. Your daughter telling you openly that she's homosexual is very brave of her and you should feel honored that she felt your relationship was good enough for her to share that with you. There is nothing you can say or do that'll change the way she feel about other females. If you want to be in your daughter's life the best course of action will be to show that her sexuality doesn't change anything between you, she deserves to be loved and to have a parents support. So many homosexual and bisexuals feel alone and that can be very rough on a person's mental health. Please support your daughter because I guarantee you, she probably already feels alone.
Different people have different interest, Just because their interest and liking is different from the majority in society does not mean that something is wrong with them. Find out where your daughter is coming from and why did she make this choices.
Anonymous
November 26th, 2015 10:37pm
There really isn't any reason in particular why your daughter is a lesbian. She was simply born that way, it's who she is and there isn't anything wrong with that.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2017 3:45pm
She didn't choose to be this way, so word why is not an appropriate word for this. You might want to ask her when did she realise that, but her being a lesbian is not her choice.
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2017 5:46pm
A lot of people have already given the straightforward answer "because she likes girls" or "because she was born that way". They're absolutely right. However, coming from a conservative background, I can understand why you might feel like you did something wrong or that your daughter may have been corrupted in some way. It's okay to feel that way, but you have to realize that these are base reactions (almost animalistic) because of the world you were raised to believe in. It's scary to realize that your daughter may become someone other than the little girl that you have always loved. The most important thing you can do is remember that she hasn't changed. She has always been this way. This is the exact same little girl who you have watched grow up. The same girl you held when she was small. The same girl you've bonded with in a way you never knew was possible. The same girl that has made you feel virtually every emotion in the book. She's still her. Who she loves doesn't change who she is. I hope you can see and accept that. I hope you can realize we can't control who we love. And I hope you can't control your overwhelming love for her even if you're still struggling to understand.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2016 5:23pm
There is no exact reason why. Some people think it's biological, others think it is a state of mind. Whichever case this might be, she is your daughter.
Because she was born that way. She has probably labored through her decision in sexuality a lot, and it didn't come overnight. But, she has eventually embraced who she truly is, and you should, too. :) Best of luck!
Anonymous
December 6th, 2015 11:53pm
Because she is attracted to females. It might be her opinions on gender or something that happened in the past that impacted her.
Not everyone is going to be interested in the same things. Your daughter may lack attraction to the opposite gender. You should support her on this. We love who we want to love :)
Because she was born like that, just like you may like a woman or a man, she decided that what she likes are woman and it's totally normal.
Your daughter was born that way! While it can be hard for parents to process that their child is gay, they are still your child and you should still love them, no matter what. Chances are they were scared to come out to you and it's important to show your love.
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