How do I deal with a religious family as an atheist?
215 Answers
Last Updated: 12/22/2022 at 4:25am
Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
Ta
Tania
Moderated by
Serene Sarah George, MA in Psychology (Counselling)
Counselor
Person-centered therapist
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
December 26th, 2018 11:13pm
Know that you're personal religious path can be different than theirs and that they should respect that. If you live together, however, you may have to give up a few things if they feel it is disrespectful (for example, swearing against god or listening to certain music around the house) because for many religious people it may hurt the energy of the house, and they are doing you a favor by letting you live with them. If it becomes unbearable, you can always start a plan to move out. It can be a good day by day motivation. If you have access to it, consider therapy as a family if issues are stronger.
I am also an athiest. We have no right to push our beliefs, or lack of beliefs on anyone else. Just as most athiests dislike religious people pressing the issue, we should allow them to believe what they do. The most that will come of having a talk about it with them is an argument and you cannot point out rational theory that disproves a God because everything is one of God's miracles to them. Besides, I know a lot of people who are happy with their religion, just because we think it's ignorant, we have no right to disrupt their happiness.
Having a family that is religious when you are not can be very difficult, taxing, and hard to deal with. It often creates feelings of stress, isolation, or even low self esteem. Please know that you are not any less than they are for having differing beliefs. If your family is trying to start an arguement, or is picking a fight with you because of your beliefs, it is ok to distance yourself from the situation or express your discomfort. You are allowed to be clear with where you stand and support your decisions and still keep yourself away from harmful discussion with family. Similarily, do not try to instigate fights, and don't bash their beliefs. Both parties should try to be respectful. If you feel comfortable having conversations about it with your family, again, be respectful. Don't put yourself or them down for what they believe. I have, personally, had problems with this. It can be hard, and I felt very isolated when, in my own home, I felt as if I was looked down upon for not believing the same things my grandparents or parents did. But it is ok to have a different opinion, and it is ok to stand by that. Just know that, despite this, you should be respectful of both yourself and your family. Just be calm, and try to stay confident. I know how hard it can be, but know that it is ok to make your voice heard.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2019 3:58pm
I personally have this issue, so I can speak from experience. Just be respectful, and most of the time they will be respectful in turn. If they try to push their religious beliefs on you, politely explain that you don't believe in that and that you're not interested in believing in it. Don't try to push atheism on your family, as that never helps. And if they don't know, just sit them down and tell them. Unless you're positive they'd disown you or something because of it, it shouldn't make a huge difference in your life, and you'll probably be glad you did it. Once again, just be respectful of their beliefs.
Ah, religious conflict! I do not this issue, but I have seen issues similar to this one. I do not know the religion on your family, but what they could do for you, the atheist, is to not force you into religion. They need to accept the fact that you do not believe the same way they do. Now, what you can do as an atheist living with a religious family is try to talk to them about your beliefs and express to them that church is not important to you and that you prefer that they understand that. I mean, we were put on this Earth to do as we please. This place is meant to be enjoyed and you should be able to believe what is suitable for you.
Anonymous
June 14th, 2019 5:09pm
I can understand how you feel. It can be confusing and stressful to have to be around people with completely different beliefs to you. I would say that it is important to be respectful and understand that those views may be important to them. However, in the same way, you also deserve to be respected, no matter what your religious beliefs are. It is not fair for them to push or force their beliefs upon you. Stay strong and true to your beliefs. You have a right to believe in your own views, just like them. They do not have to agree with your beliefs, but it is important that they respect them.
I believe it is important to mindful that all of us have our beliefs, values, and views. That said, everyone is entitled to these things. While we may not always agree with someone else’s views, beliefs, or ways of living, I have found it most conducive to make every attempt to co-exist with people anyway. While we may not agree, we should make efforts to respect their differing choices. While we won’t necessarily adopt these differing opinions as our own, we can still attempt to empathize and keep an open mind. One person’s way of living is no less important than another’s. Keep an open mind, be emphatic, and try to stay neutral.
I don't have a very religious family but I am an atheist. When I am forced to participate in religious ceremonies I just go with it. If you are a minor I would recommend doing the same to avoid conflict. However, I'm your family's religious values are holding you back in any way, You could try talking to them. If you don't feel comfortable with that, then you could find someone else to talk to.
If you aren't too affected by your family's religion, maybe try to think about it differently. You could consider the values the religion encourages and see if you agree with them. If the general ideas are reasonable, just focus more on the lessons than the "religious" part
It can be so incredibly difficult to be an only atheist in the family. And often times those children are unable to express that openly, because they face judgment and cannot be accepted by other family members. I personally have a religious family that doesn’t force its beliefs onto anybody, but does find it offensive when somebody labels themselves as an atheist. I suppose it has a lot to do with all the stigma around the word atheist, and all the negative connotations. So I simply don’t label myself as anything with my family, and don’t participate any religious discussions, but rather try to find a community of people who are similar to me elsewhere.
Let them know that you disagree with what they believe but you respect their right to believe it. It's like dealing with any other difference of opinion in a free society.
When it comes to holidays and other such rituals, that's subjective and depends on your own comfort level. It's not inconsistent with atheism to show up at these events just to be with your family, but depending on your history with their religion, you may not want to and that's ok too. For instance I could never celebrate Passover with my Jewish family because I left that faith on the worst of terms. (So we save our celebrations for Thanksgiving.) But Christmas with my girlfriend's family is fine by me - there are no bad memories to overcome, and though her parents are Christian they don't expect us to join them at church.
Bottom line, you don't have to be consistent. Just do what works for you and let them do what works for them.
Anonymous
July 28th, 2019 4:10am
Sometimes this can be the hardest hurdle we have with our family. I personally struggle with my family and their religious views. To put it very lightly, we have very different views. I always attempt to stand my ground, not allow religion to become part of the conversation and if it does I let whoever I am talking to know that I will not allow myself to be subject to bashing and will walk away if necessary. Sometimes, its even easier to avoid the situations or family members all together. If you do have to be around them, just be yourself, be compassionate and understanding of their views and attempt to come to a resolution that works for you both.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2019 7:09am
They could take it well, or they could take it horribly. Chances are, their religion is one of love. Reminding them of that will be the key. Either way, being honest with them and slowly detaching yourself from any religious affiliations is the best route to go. If you aren't comfortable worshipping any certain god/gods, nobody can force you to. Religion is a personal choice, one that everyone has the right to make on their own. Don't feel obligated to be religious just because of your family or friends or community. I promise it's going to be ok and one day you will be able to make your own choices and live your own life.
Be respectful towards them and their beliefs. Just because you have different views on religion does not mean you cannot be respectful to one another. Do not try and force your views on them, just as they shouldn't force their beliefs onto you. If you are able to have an open conversation about religion with them on a generic level then that is great but otherwise do not raise the issue as this may cause un-necessary problems. They may carry out certain rituals or lifestyle choices in the name of their beliefs, this does not mean you have to be a part of such however you should not try and prevent them from doing so as this would be disrespectful.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2019 4:56am
I try to ignore it and move on. If it gets brought up I politely tell them I don't wish to discuss it with them. If they keep pushing I just leave the situation. You need to remain respectful to their beliefs so they treat you with that respect back. When someone asks what I believe made the earth or some other question like that, I tell them I don't question them so I expect them not to question me. My opinion shouldn't affect anyone else's, but my own. Especially if I'm not critcising them. Just make sure you pick your battles.
Anonymous
August 24th, 2019 11:54pm
Try your best to respect your family, even if you disagree with them. Try to understand where they’re coming from and try your hardest to be open-minded. It’s okay to disagree with people, even your family. On the other hand, you also want to respect their opinions/beliefs.
If your beliefs don’t align with their religious views, then express that (in a respective) manner to them. Explain to them why you’re an Atheist and don’t want to be a member of the religion their devoting themselves in. Overall, it’s important to have your own opinions and beliefs while respecting others for theirs, as well.
Anonymous
September 14th, 2019 6:31pm
I say every now and then - "There are few things that are as out of place as an atheist in a temple". As a person who has been through something on these lines, I'd say, patience is key. I was born in a Hindu family and kinda eventually became an atheist. I subtly tried to see if my parents would be okay with atheism, but it didnt end well. I chose to act like a religious person since it really seemed much easier than trying to confront them about it. But yeah, it was so frustrating to act like the same kid with religious views at times, especially when I had to spend time on religious things. I finally got freedom (in that aspect) when I left home to attend university. But I really started missing family, so much that I didn't mind acting like a religious person if that would make them happy.
You may always choose a different path if you feel like it. It's all up to you!
As respectfully as you would with anyone else whose beliefs you don't share.
Since you didn't state a particular problem, I'm going to assume that you deal with being invited (or not invited) to ceremonies or other events that feel awkward to attend. You may always go for the sake of being a supportive family member; your attendance does not mean you endorse any particular beliefs but that you enjoy certain family functions or don't wish to miss certain celebrations. If someone asks you why you would "dare" be there, you can always say "because it's an important occasion, don't you agree?" If they ask again, you can say "Why do you ask?" And stare. They should get the message that it's rude to interrogate someone like they are doing.
If your problem is that you don't want to go, you have every right to say (ahead of time is polite) "I have other plans" and leave it at that.
You do you. Let them do them.
Anonymous
November 9th, 2019 12:40pm
Perhaps become aware of the emotional and psychological approach of my family members. Try to talk to them about religion and atheism in private as individuals but never together if you feel it would intimidate you. Try to learn ways of bonding as a family beyond the differences and be open to communication if there is no fear of being belittled, verbal or mental abuse etc. Perhaps ask your loved ones to do research Into topics of interest for both of you. It also sounds like this worries you, so find some people who would be willing to support you when you feel down and help you with self esteem if they ever attack it.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2019 2:13am
It's okay to have different beliefs than your family. You yourself have developed your own opinions and that's okay! You should try and avoid that topic to stay clear of any conflict. If it does happen to come up respect their opinions even if you don't agree. You could say something like "Although we have different beliefs I respect your opinion though I don't agree." Try to be passive and peaceful, sometimes people will get offended or take it the wrong way when you talk about your opinion. That's not me saying you shouldn't share your opinion or have your own, it's me saying sometimes its best to put it aside instead of arguing and leading to tears in relationships.
It depends a lot on how your family members' faith is affecting you personally. Are they trying to convert you? Do they push their beliefs on you or judge you based on your choice? If answer is yes, best start based on my experience is to have a respectful, calm discussion during which you can listen to each other, explain your choices and ask/answer questions. If you see that it does not work, reflect on the situation and think about other options. Does their behavior harm you or your self esteem? Does it affect your relationship as a whole? Does it affect your life?
If it is just about your views and beliefs being different, then I would be respectful and accept it. We all have right to choose what we want to believe in and religion offers many people so much more than just a faith.
Well, the best way to deal with such a complex situation is is to respect what they believe in and at the same time tell them to not force their beliefs on you. Most situations can be tackled by mutual respect and kindness. And if you feel that they are irritating you, just ignore but dont get instigated. Talking to the family can be the best solution in such a complex situation. Dont worry much about how they will react, be honest, respectful, kind and not disdainful. Hope I could answer your question. You may reach out to me
Anonymous
February 8th, 2020 7:02pm
This is a very difficult topic for a conversation for everyone.
I would first advise you to research an atheist and find the positive things in him that you can share.Then ask yourself what you need to do as an atheist and how much will it suit you personally?Be ready for the family to give up on you when you say your idea or get rid of it. That's okay. It would be a good idea to consider whether it is okay to be an atheist and find yourself in it.I sincerely wish you all the luck in this world. I hope everything goes well.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2020 1:46am
This can be a difficult issue to deal with, but know that you are not alone. My family is deeply religious and expect other to be as well. Unfortunately, due to my personal experiences, I have fallen out of that religion, but this has placed me at odds with my family who I care for the most. Again, you are not alone. At it's core, religion is what you believe in. Nobody can force you to believe something you don't want to. You need to do what is right by you, for your well being and mental health. Reach out to others and talk it through - nothing is ever so bad that you can't talk about it and find a way through.
Just keep your opinions to yourself, and appreciate the good in what your family has to offer. Religion is just one facet of life and you don't have to share it fully with your family. Feel fee to go your own way while they go theirs. You don't need to share everything with your family members and if you have different views on spirituality, it's fine. Many families have different views on politics, relationships, etc. Just accept the good parts religion has to offer and ignore the bad, feel free to have your own values and opinions in life for yourself.
Anonymous
March 6th, 2020 12:38pm
It can be extremely difficult to get one's family to understand your beliefs. I come from a big family and there are a lot of disagreements. However, I managed to open up to some of them by explaining that I don't see things the same way they do. Most of them didn't quite understand, but I think it's okay. I simply try my best to respect their beliefs, even though, they often don't care about mine. Sometimes, I wish I didn't say anything about religion, as it's a difficult topic. If you think revealing your beliefs will only hurt you, I would suggest simply participating in their religious activities with respect even if you don't believe in them.
Everyone is entitled to there own personal beliefs and opinions. However, you can encourage them to see things as you perceive them as long as you are not forcing them into believing what you believe. It is also important to respect their decision in order to maintain mutual respect and trust. Try suggest taking them, if they are willing, to see a professional as there may be an underling reason as to why they have lost faith in a certain belief . Lastly, encourage them to be themselves as they may come around one day on their own .
Be respectful, focus on things you both agree on, and try to understand where they are coming from as that is what you also want them to do for you. There is an adjustment period, patience and understanding are essential for both parties. After the initial disclosure, a conversation about how you both still love each other and want to be there for each other is important. Basically a how can we make this work conversation with ideally compromise on both sides. If you want your family to respect your atheist views, you also must respect their religious views as well.
Firstly, as you are an atheist while your family is religious, it is important to be aware that there is nothing wrong about this difference, and you are able to deal with it with some effort taken. Religious orientation is something that is just and only up to you to decide. No one should force you to accept their religion, and you have the right to be respected no matter what your religion is. But of course, with a family it can be more complicated as they may have expectations of you to behave in a certain way. However, even this has limits and your family should understand that religion is your own choice. The key for these kinds of problems is communication, you may want to talk to your family about your religious orientation and your decision about that. It is okay if you do not feel ready to do it now, but try to at least think about it, and do not forget that there is nothing wrong with having different beliefs than your family.
You can respect them, listening to them, but not argue with them, not trying to convince or change them. if they want to convince you to believe the religion, you can tell them that you respect them, but you have different belief system. people can love each other even though they have different belief system. You can talk about food, hobbies, sport, don't talk too much about politics or religion topics. if they have specific activities, and you don't want to join, you can tell them and stay in another room to do your favourite things.
Related Questions: How do I deal with a religious family as an atheist?
My father is having an extramarital affair. Part of me wants to end my relationship with him for cheating on my mom, but i worry that he will be depressed as he loves me a lot. How do I deal with this situation?How to connect a person online with a therapist?How can I make my family understand that I'm not seeking attention and just trying to get the help I need?What do I do if my father thinks I hate him even after I told him I don't?How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church?What age is too young to leave home?How do I live with a mentally-ill parent?My dad likes to touch me. Is this sexual abuse?What do I do when my husband ignores me?I hate my husband or wife. Why?