How to trust someone again who has consistently lied?
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Well, you would first have to determine that individual's significance to you. If you feel that they are essential to your life despite the lies, then you make the choice to trust them and take them at their word. Still, make sure the person is making an effort to build an honest relationship with you. Take it slow.
It is extremely hard to trust someone who has consistently lied to you. But the fact of the matter is trust has to be built up and earned over time. It is not something to just be given carelessly away. If someone has deceived you it is their responsibility to redeem themselves with consistent honesty.
You can't really. Or maybe you can, depending on the situation itself. Why did this person lie? Are the reasons for lying somehow justified? Does he still have these reasons to lie? Did he just has a period of lying, or is he a liar from an early age? How big were lies? Based on questions like that, i would try to determine if i can trust this person, but the process would be really slow and i would keep both my eyes and ears open.
It's difficult to trust someone who has consistently lied and you can't blame yourself for not being able to. One way to try to trust someone is by going to therapy with them. For example, a relationship can try couples therapy.
You don't have to fully give your trust to somebody who consistently has lied to you. You can stay friends / other with them, still treat them nicely, still talk to them, but just remember that lying may be a problem of theirs and keep that in your mind when you're dealing with them. Don't let yourself get hurt again, but you don't have to hurt them, either. :)
I hope this helps!
Trust takes years and years to build up, But can only take a matter of seconds to crumble and be destroyed and that's why it's such a hard thing for so many people to build up again. If you're deciding to try and trust someone who has betrayed this privilege to you before, I'd highly recommend that you take it slow and cautiously. Take it one day at a time, And if you find yourself being lied to again, It's just not worth the pain. I highly believe in second chances myself, But at the end of the day I have to do what is right for my own well being/Mental/Emotional health.
My wife lied so many times,I tried talking to her about finances which she lied about. We would end up fighting. So instead of asking I would do drugs to be numb. We'll after 30 years she wants to throw in the towel. I lied to her as well about my drug use. She gave me many chances went to rehab three times.
Now I'm so sad I know it's all my fault. So lying doesn't work for anybody.
Make it clear to him that if he is going to lie again that will be the end of the relationship. And give them a chance and be open.
For me personally i usually slowly take there actions into account and over a long long time decide weather they are trustworthy and i will sometimes tell them certain things and if it doesnt come back to me i take that into account
It is not an easy process and requires self-awareness! However it is possible through forgiveness, understanding why the other person has lied, not to take it personal, and give another chance. Always be loving although it may not be the easiest.
trust takes time to earn and no time at all to break, comparatively speaking. as much as you want to patch it all up and make everything okay again, restoring trust in someone who is not earning it will not make anything better. if this person has consistently been dishonest, and you are finding you cannot trust what they say, you have to honor yourself and your emotional well being in this situation. the bottom line, is you have to allow time for that person to turn things around, and to create a new track record for themselves. sometimes a conversation with them is a good start to that, but be judicious and use caution.
I think the best way to trust them is to forgive them for yourself, number one. Then, I think it's important to remember that other people are not perfect. While this doesn't excuse their lies, it does explain that one person will never not lie and that it isn't your fault that someone is untrustworthy.
It is really hard to be able to trust someone again who has consistently lied to you. It might feel like lying is a completely unforgiveable crime where loss of trust is the consequnce but there are worse crimes in the world than lying (depending on what the lie was actually about.) There are many different reasons why people lie. These can vary from wanting avoid consequences to feeling too nervous to tell the truth. Either way, lying can not be justified. Even though it is something that can not be justified, it does not mean that all trust should be lost. It takes time to trust again and that makes sense. Lying can cause feelings of anger or even violation.
I am currently dealing with situation where I was lied to over a period of time and it my trust has been seriously eroded. I was very hurt and my heart was broken because I trusted this person with every fiber of my being. I was depressed and cried every day. I believe trust is a foundation and not much can be gained when trust has been destroyed by lies and deceit. The first step is to make the choice if you want to trust the person again and if you do then there is a process. For me it was a matter of setting boundaries, being kind and know that circumstances change people so not harping on the past lies. They happened and harping on them does nothing to help regain trust. The liar has to express remorse, be transparent and accountable in all areas. Rebuilding trust can take a long time, so patience on both parts are needed. I had to remind myself many times that a person is not the summation of the worst thing that they have done. Time heals all and forgiveness is a gift.
I think its natural and normal to not be able to trust someone who has broken our trust and understandably so. Because our brain has a way of protecting itself from disappointments and pain, so it wont trust something or someone which has given it a sense of lack of ability to be trusted so that we don't suffer from disappointments.
Naturally, I don't think I could do much to trust such a person, other than maybe seeing them in a different light to project a different self they have and to give that more importance than the person whom I think they are when lying. The easiest way though would be for them to change if possible.
I hope you find a way
Anonymous
February 16th, 2020 6:35am
You need to question yourself why are you trusting them over and over again? you say they have been consistently lying, so why? Do you feel extremely / emotionally dependent on them? How healthy is this relationship? are you sure they can be trusted again? Please ask your self the question why you are doing it before asking yourself how you are supposed to do it. If you are scared of never making it better than this, that won't be the case, I assure you, there's always something better. I hope this helps, lots of love. Get well soon. :)
Honestly, if someone has consistently lied, and still is, (especially if that someone is your spouse or partner) then perhaps it's time to question if they deserve your trust. But in the case that it is someone who seems to genuinely want your trust and is trying to stop with the lies, I'd say just pretend you're listening to a new person, instead of the person you remember them to be. Time is a definite key to building trust again. It will take time, perhaps years, to build up trust again, but if the opposite person is sincere, I am sure you will not struggle with trusting them. Overall, also trust your gut feeling, and remember that communication is important, don't assume things until you see it for yourself and confirm with that person that it is true.
Your question telling the answer. Yes, how can we trust someone who lied constantly because we can't trust. It will be foolish to trust a liar. The lie is the root of all crime. A criminal starts doing crime from telling lies. If you trust a liar again and again, then you're feeding his criminal trait constantly and maybe one day that person even won't feel hesitated to kill you. So better not to trust a liar. There should miles of distance from a liar. Vigilant people get harmed less by bad people so instead of wasting time on trusting a great liar you better learn ways to be vigilant.
Thank you
For me, I see this question slightly different as I was the one that consistently lied, so I read "How to gain someone's trust that you constantly lied to?" And I am still trying to learn the answer to the newly stated question. They have all heard the same story to a redundancy. I have learned that my actions must be what gains their trust because words, specifically my words, are meaningless to them until I can prove otherwise. I have lost all my lifelong friends due to choices that I made. I hold myself accountable and take responsibility for those choices. I cannot blame anyone else anymore as I am the only common link within the chain fence, and I can still blame others but that does not serve me for any reason than to hold shame and shame will lead me to lies and lies will have this process start all over again. So i am lonely and saddened that I allowed my life to get to this point, but I know that I am resilient and can change not for them for me, but changing for me will allow those that I truly care about to come back into my life if they so desire.
Express this concern to them and let them know that you will not completely trust them for the time being. Allow them to reflect on their mistakes and have them explain the circumstances behind their lies. Help them understand that they will have to work hard to earn back your trust and, in doing so, your bond together will become stronger if done sincerely. Tell them that you can see through their lies and that lying now will cause irreparable damage between the two of you. Although you are kind and forgiving, there is a limit to your compassion so one more misstep and you will never be able to trust that person again.
Sounds like you and hurt and scared for being lied to. Sounds like you would like someone to talk to about betrayal. I have had some relationships that it was hard to trust again and its scary and uncomfortable. May i ask you about this relationship? Is it a family member, friend/s or romantic relationship? Life can sure let us down sometimes. Have you ever experienced this type of situation before? If so how was the outcome? Sounds like you really care about this person. You sound like a caring person. Have you a close friend?
You can forgive them but it's unsafe for your mental health to try to mend that bond. You have to make sure you're setting a boundary for yourself to ensure that you aren't getting hurt over and over by the same thing. You are your own person, but don't let someone that continues to lie be in your life if it isn't worth the heart ache. You have the control over the situation and if you don't want to trust them, you're not going to be able to. It is very hard to mend that when you know it's been done more than once. Hope this helped, love.
We all face such circumstances in our daily life where we have to make a choice between the truth or the lie, we all come across situations where we have to trust people based on them. The important thing is that not only the choices but also people's behavior and actions are influenced by this.
Our relationships in this world are also based on this to a very large extent. We trust people on the basis of their actions and sayings. This also plays a very important role in marriage. For a marriage to work in the long run, years of commitment, respect, faith, honesty is required by both the parties.
In reality trust is lacking behind in the relationships of today. Even spouses are not faithful towards each other, reading articles on social media or hearing stories of people having affairs, infidelity are becoming common with the passing time, which is causing lack of confidence among them, a feeling of shame & a lot of anger. People are not having any information about what their partners are up to as they more engaged in themselves or in the pursuit of their career or money. They are not having enough time for their relationships which may result in lack of truth or trust among people. People gradually start taking the support of lies, which eventually ends in the failure of the relationship. Even the children are affected very badly if their parents are going through something like this, it damages their childhood and their happiness which is really a topic of concern. Broken trust can sometimes take months or a long time to move on from, as these experiences are challenging opportunities.
The only way for a healthy relationship is trust and it only gets stronger when truth is the backbone of it. Trusting someone who had constantly lied will only hurt our feelings. Even apologies don't work in such cases. The next step is to cut ourselves away from such people, it may be a difficult process but it is much needed. Someone who constantly lies holds little or no respect of how the other person will feel when he gets to know the truth. The key to a happy life is to maintain a distance with such people and not to trust them blindly. Choose wisely whom to trust. The choice is always ours.
It’s hard to put trust in a person after they lie to you. I know how much it hurts to place your trust in somebody and they miss use that trust. It has taken me a long time to understand that people are just that people. We make mistakes, and we do some really dumb things. But I have also learn that people can change, and that there is reasons to give people a second chance. I tried for most of my life to do everything on my own. I have been used, manipulated, lied to, and toss aside. The feeling of being alone or isolated would make me depressed all the time. Turning to methods that wasn’t healthy for me to cope. But as I went through the different trials and situation that life had for me I have had the pleasure of meeting some of the kindness, loving, helpful, people. Yes some have lied to me. Even used me to gain in someway at the cost of me. But if I hadn’t learn that sometimes you have to forgive, and give some one a second chance. And by doing this the same person that had used me, end up saving my life, and I don’t mean figuratively speaking. So I know try to see every situation in all angels. You never know what someone maybe dealing with at any time. I try to understand the situation from their view. This has help me grow and saved many of my friendships
Trusting someone again who has consistently lied to you is one of the most difficult things a person can do, as trust is not easy to earn back. It is important that the person who broke your trust and consistently lied wants to change and they want you to be able to gain trust back. Otherwise, it is helpless, as they will continue lying to you. Building trust back takes a lot of time and it is a day by day process. It will not happen every night. You have to let yourself trust this person as well. Start small and work your way to bigger things
Trusting someone who has lied over and over is a very hard thing to do. Its nit something you can you just forgive and forget super quick either. I have experienced this more than just a couple of times in the past. Dealing with people that lie constantly isn’t easy, they usually tend to make it a habit. Sometimes it gets so bad to the point where they start believing their own lies. I think the best way to try and trust someone again is to let them show you that they are in fact trust worthy. It will definitely take some time but don’t shut them out everytime they say or do something. Give them a chance to prove themselves.
It takes awhile to build trust with someone. Once the trust is broken it takes an even longer time to repair it. Lying is something I'm sure that everyone has done at some point or another whether it be a small or big lie. Lying isn't right period. It's always within your best interest to be honest. You will learn how to trust a person who has consistently lied to you when your heart and mind tells you that it's time. How to trust them? You will have to be willing to forgive that person and give that person another chance and an opportunity to come forward with the truth.
If someone is consistently being untruthful and they are a part of your most of your life, than we must find out the "why" Why do they feel the need to lie? Something must be causing this effect. Also, explaining the consequences if this person chooses to continue misleading people. Like, the bridges that will burn and not allow this person to cross anymore. Asking this person how they feel when someone doesn't believe something they've said to be true. Then taking that and multiplying it by everyone. This is what the future holds for that person if they continue their deceiving ways. OK so first, finding out the "Why". Secondly, explaining what the consequences of their actions could lead to. Thirdly, wait....
...to see if any enlightenment happened and if so, slowly bringing in the trust.
TRUST, so hard to gain,
so easy to lose.
B-Blessed & Safe
Anonymous
September 13th, 2015 3:44am
That is really a tough one because a consistent liar is one who is likely to continue to lie. I think the best way, if they are working toward becoming trustworthy, is to take what they say as possibly a lie. Don't hang your hope on it being true until you notice the pattern changing. Consistent liars CAN change and you CAN eventually trust them, but protecting yourself and not putting complete trust in them is the best thing for you. Holding them accountable when you do see they've lied, but in the gentlest way possible, is the best for them. But if you aren't sure that someone is even trying to change their pattern of lying? You probably should not trust them.
It's very hard to build up trust again, but if you truly believe that the person deserves another chance. I would give it.
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