Relationship Stress Community

I need help regulating my emotions with my boyfriend

by marsbursss

1 hour ago

...See more I am dating someone who is the most amazing human being ever i am so happy that to be dating him. That being said, he has noticed i’ve been starting fights again recently. I’ve done this before and now where i start fights over the smallest thing. Like today we were on our morning call and he couldn’t hear me i got irritated and then i got mad when he started singing cuz i thought when he was ignoring me. It sounds dumb now but at the time I was upset. Then he said he notice that anything he does in the morning upsets me. It’s very little things like not being able to hear me, him telling me he can’t talk to me when he’s driving (the way he said, idk i’m very sensitive) and even just saying short stuff. A bit of background, growing up, half my life my dad and mom argued. I never felt heard. There was countless arguments with my dad and mom. My dad left me when i was 12 and came back when i was 15?16? But even now my dad gets mad at little things too and is yelling at my sisters when we are with him. I am a bit of a dad’s girl and look up to him too. I’ve heard this could be a reason for reacting the way I am with my boyfriend. Recently, well, actually since my dad came back, there had been arguments with my dad and mom about the bill. My dad is paying most of the bills while paying rent and my mom is only paying the light bill. My mom doesn’t clean the house and it’s mostly up to me to clean it. I haven’t been feeling the best lately so i haven’t been able to snd i feel helpless, i have to finish my schoolwork before break to graduate early, i have kittens my mom has been neglecting leaving the responsibilities on me but when i bring up giving the kittens to my dad so we can not deal with the worry of them getting ran over she gets mad at me. My dad is the only one in the family who drives. That’s what has been happening lately. But i do want to stop and not act that way towards my boyfriend as he is so kind like wow, i’ve never been treated like this or had a healthy relationship and i don’t wanna ruin it because it feels right and i just wanna be more like my bf like how he doesn’t get mad at me for little stuff and is very gentle i don’t wanna be the reason he can’t bring up stuff to me cuz i will get mad

Situationship venting / cry for help

by neonDrum1233

7 hours ago

I really need someone to talk to now

by kittenJ

9 hours ago

How to get over insecurity

by friendlyNectarine937

12 hours ago

I need the courage to leave: Looking for support from someone who can relate *TRIGGER WARNING*

by modestRaspberries7557

22 hours ago

...See more Ive been in a ten year long committed relationship with a person who is most likely engaged to someone else. We started off great. We met in 2013 after I had my daughter but before her father and I split. My current fiance and I both worked at the mall. He claimed he was single but I told him I was in a relationship. We were just aquantences. We exchanged numbers but I didn't talk to him much. He would ask me if I wanted to hang out but I always said no. At that time I was in an abusive relationship. My daughter's father would monitor all my devices, watch me in the bathroom, hit me, and rape me throughout that year. In 2014 my daughter's father and I finally split (he had enough of feeling like the bad guy). Weeks later I asked if my current fiance wanted to hang out, he said yes and we set a date. Things went great. We got along well together and we started dating. Within a year he was telling me he loved me, talking about marriage, and taking me on vacations with him. He started saying we were soulmates and everything. He made me all these promises. Thoughout the next several years red flags began to raise for me. His stories about working at the hospital made littlle sense, his sudden departure to Hawaii for work when he asked me to go with him, his work trips to the upper part of the state every week, his unwillingness to cohabitate despite claims of wanting tto live together. It was all strange but I trusted him at his word and thought nothing of it until last year. He rented a shed a couple of cities over, had it since I met him, but the rent was beccoming too expensive so he wwas moving. He had his things, my things, and things that his aunt, uncle, and cousins own in the shed along with items from previous relationships. I had asked a few times about the relatives' items and the ex's but he was always defensive about it. I figured since he had lost his parents at an early age he was just unable to talk about things like family and relationships so I dropped it. Until I found a frame that I had never seen before. It had cardstock cut into hearts with 2 maps underneath, the first was labelled where we met and was dated 2005, the second was labelled where you proposed and was dated 2014. We had started dating iin 2014, we met a year prior to that and he said he was single and had just gone through a bad break up. I asked him about the frame, he turned white, and immediately started laying into me calling me crazy and asking me why I was looking through his things. The frame had been laying on top of a pile of frames. I did not go looking for it, it was just there, like it was something new he just recieved. I had never seen it before. Then I asked about the dates. He said it was from another relationship from before we were together. He said he had told me about it. He never said he was enaged before, as far as I knew I was his only fiance ever. Regardless he kept yelling at me and calling me crazy for looking or even asking about it. Making it sound like I was in the wrong when he told me he was single in 2013. Somehow we moved passed this. This year, in about April, the situation at the shed was bothering me so I decided to do a background search on him. I ended up finding adresses between him and another woman his age from 2011-present. The woman had the same name as his cousin whose item's he was keeping in his shed and instead of being a teenager like he insinuated, she was almost 40 like him. I ended up finding all her soical media accounts that claimed he was her fiance since 2014, and that they had been together since 2005. On top of that I found messages on his work *** between him and another ex where he claimed to still love her and miss her and made a huge story about how he was sailing off of the Florida coast when he was in Michigan, with me. Everything I found destroyed me. I didn't know what was real annd what wasn't. I confronted him about what I had found and he told me his cousin is an immigrant and he posed as her fiance to help her with immigration. This story sounded tooo ffar fetched to be real so I made an effort to contact her directly. He continured to belittle me and make me feel like a monster for looking into the situation. Then word got back to him that I had emailed her, suddenly he started telling me that I needed to stop looking into this because his aunt was going to file a restraining order against me because the email I sent whent to his other cousin which is a minor. Note that at this point we had been together for 10 years and I have never met his aunt, uncle or cousins. The only names of cousins he had ever mentioned were 2, one boy and one girl, and he made them sound like children between the ages of 7-15. Then with the email, suddenly a new name is added to the list of cousins. The name he used for this cousin was the same name he used when talking about an ex's friend. Nothing he was telling me made sense. I just felt like a monster and I started thinking I was wrong and paranoid because he said I was. Then in July I recieved a pocket dial from him. I answered and heard him talking to another woman, telling her not to kiss him because his breath smells, saying to her let me see that sweet a**, she told him she made him cookies, and they traded I love yous after he said he had to go. I was shocked. I tried facetimiing him 3 times. He denied every single call. Then I just cried. He called back minutes later and immediately went on the defensive. I told him I heard him with another woman, he denied it and told me to talk to his firend. He claimed he was trying to facetime me so I could see one of his aunt's tenants, he said the voice I heard was a man and he was not talking to a woman. I did not want to talk to his friend, I just told him over and over again I did not want to be with him anymore. He yelled at me and told me to shut up and listen and to talk to his friend but I wouldn't I just kept repeating what I heard. He told me I was wrong and he wascoming over. When he arrived he walked straight to my daughter and told her I was crazy and paranoid and I didn't know what I was talking about (I did not talk to my daughter about any of this). Then he came into the room with me and proceeded to tell me his version of the story over and over again while calling me crazy and claiming I did not hear what I heard. He offered to take me to the location where he was and I accepted. We drove past the parking lot where he was but he would not take me into the actual lot. I asked him to go in but he refused. That night, at 3 am, I took the door camera off my apartment door and changed the locks. The next morning I turned tracking off my phone, blocked him, and took off for the day. Towards the afternoon he started calling me from a different number, testing me, and threatening to use law enforcement to fake a wellness check in order to regain entry to my apartment. I told him we were fine but he would not relent. Eventually I returned his call. Eventually it came to a point where I had to go back home. He made me realize that I was not financially stable at the moment and I did not have access to transportation. He used these things against me to get me to calm down and come back. I did. Then he was back in my apartment that day. He erased all the calls and messages he left but when he was gone, I recovered them. For my sake. A month later I recieved another pocket dial from him. This time from the other number. This time, it went to voicemail and was recorded. I saved the recording to a seperate device. I listened to it. It was him and the woman from before talking about thier anniversary. She was asking if he was going to keep her company and he said he couldn't because he had listing appointments (he didn't). Again when I heard this I wanted to break it off again. He made another story about the woman being his aunt and he was at lunch with his whole family, it wasn't just them. At this point he has changed his story about both of these incidents everytime I have brought them up and I caught him in another lie when I made a white lie of my own the other day. Last week I was feeling down about this situation and he was wanting me to talk. I made up a lie saying I found her birth certificate stating she was born in the states. He told me it was a fake just like his was when he had to come over here. He said her documents didn't work which is why he had to pose as her fiance instead. (I never found her birth certifiicate but I did find an article from 1991 placinng bother her and her mother here at the time, she would have been 5 or 6, plenty of time to become a naturalized citizen in the united states). Now I am working to become financially independant from him so I can move on. I am done.

Dealing with emotional pain. A thought.

by Clio9876

1 day ago

I had so much hope and excitement for a new connection

by jetm0t0

1 day ago

...See more I have been getting to know this girl during this semester, and things picked up with more conversation and my interest in her grew a lot. We are in the same club at school and one day she offered people to come visit her at work. She didn't specify who but pointed in my general area with 2 others nearby. After a day or two I took that to be serious so I decided not to waste anymore time. We have about an 8 year gap but at my age I know I would be very lucky if I could find someone even within 5 years my age since most people are married. So I think I spent about 2 weeks getting to know her even more 1 on 1. She seemed like she could handle my focus and attention so I didn't worry. I know for a fact she is single as well. One day she comes to the club meeting and just dodges me. She doesn't say hello and talks to other people and sat away from me, she only asked 1 question from me that whole day (all of this is not normal). So I am a bit upset about this, I went home and struggled to be relaxed because I just got rejected again. I decided that whatever happened can't happen again, so I went straight to wall and bunker building. There's some signs indicating maybe she's messing with me, because after getting dodged she walks by my study area on another day and waves to the people in the room but no one noticed except me. So I looked up and hesitated but eventually waved back. When people do those kinds of things it usually means they want my attention but won't give me all of what i'm looking for. She also walked away looking as if she regretted waiting for someone to notice her. Anyway this is the pattern, and now it's been a week or two since and yesterday she was in my study group/room and immediately started saying hi and stuff. But I am so defensive now at this point I respond with very little and turn the conversation off. She got the hint and turned back to her work, but I don't even know what to do now. For me getting ignored like this is now a major flaw I see that I don't think is recoverable on her part (this also has a lot to do with not having the energy to accept this from a girl I like anymore). However, I still have to work with her in the club so I don't want to be petty and a cry baby but I felt a bit justified killing the conversation so far. Things aren't really awkward but I want to be able to stop thinking about her because it might be too stressful to continue trying to understand her. I've been single for over 20 years and another event like this has me really burnt out on girls, or just trying in general.

Birthday

by forcefulSea7026

1 day ago

Controlled

by sunnyPineapple5075

1 day ago

My world is falling apart

by Zain999

2 days ago

I don't know

by peachGrapes6331

2 days ago

One thing that helps!❤

by Sunisshiningandsoareyou

2 days ago

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Considering Therapy?

@diligentHickory8805

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