NOT A SAFE SPACE

I’m so sorry you experienced this, this should not have happened and I apologise on behalf of the ‘listener’. Please report the listener so it can’t happen again. I hope you manage to find the help and support within the therapist you’ve connected too. You did so well to reach out in a time of need and I’m sure you’ll continue to do amazing moving forward with the therapist.

@FuzzyMum

Thank you.

Ultimately saying succinctly words that I wanted to hear and things to allay all my fears. "this should not have happened," is ultimately the most assuring words that could have been said. I'm sorry for lashing out, and being a bit of a jerk to the community.

It was shockingly contrary to my expectations. The best reassurance and I could be given is the idea that the norm and the ethos is far from this.

I really am not sure what to say in reply other than thank you.

I reiterated points with others, and found empathy and compassion in what my of the people who replied to me said. But, your reply hit me in the feels.

Anyway, thank you.

I hope all the replies have managed to provide reassurance and help rebuild your trust of the 7 Cups community. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope you stick around and discover many more wonderful people here.

I’m glad I was able to offer some reassurance. You were perfectly valid to ‘lash out’ after what you experienced and I hope you never have to go through it again. There is no apology needed on your behalf. Your emotions are valid as is your reaction to the situation.

I hope you manage to heal and find happiness within your life.

@edwardiolo

While you may have had a bad experience with one person ( listener) seems kind of over the top to call a whole site a cesspool.

Did you ever think of others who have found help here ?

or that one person speaks for all....... Maybe you have a clear issue and you should pursue recourse towards a listener or therapist and not decide you need to make generalization reviews

@toughTiger6481

I was in a place of anger and lashing out.

My concerns were not only over the listener though, and I do not think such and interaction should be happening. I have a more detailed breakdown of events in my response further down in this post replying to @blueAngel00

But, I am sorry.

I don't really think of them as spokesmen for the site, and I am happy for those who are able to find help.

I do want raise alarm bells, warnings, and concerns. I don't want to be part of a community that engages or tolerates the sort of advice I received.

I am sorry for painting everyone with the same brush.
Anyway, my other reply has a more detailed context of both the circumstances and motivations, but, it is a mischaracterization to believe that it is the one conversation by which I came to lash out of anger and bitterness. But, I have still been angrily lashing out and painting with a fairly broad brush.

Sorry

@edwardiolo

I'm so sorry you had a negative experience on here

@edwardiolo Sad that you had such a bad experience so soon, but personally I think the site is cool, it has helped me already. People should not say things like that, and I hope you can report that person. If you want to leave that's okay though, I hope you find a better space for yourself. :)

@MangoGelatoinWinter

I am trying to be hopeful and give time.
Yet, I wanted to raise the alarm bells.
I also was lashing out in a position of anger.

I don't understand, I'm sorry.

But why would you sign up to a place you had that kind of worry about? Toxic positivity? I suppose anything can be toxic if you look hard enough. I just know I'd steer very clear from anything I thought might be toxic, and I know this because I've been in a toxic relationship for 9 years so I know what toxic actually means. Maybe this is one of those "intrusive thoughts" you so readily get?

I just find it very difficult to believe someone can make that excessive of a judgement about an entire entity from one interaction with such a teeny percentage that is representative of said entity.

That and the fact you said you found a therapist who "might work out" because that statement seems to negate your cesspool statement. At the very least it makes you sound contradictory.

One should also take note that you are partially responsible for the outcome of that one negative interaction, or do you always do exactly what someone tells you to do? Even so, that wouldn't take away your share of responsibility.

Again, I apologize for my not understanding how you come to the conclusions you apparently have come to, and I'm sorry you feel that strongly because of one short interaction. But then maybe a lot of what you posted is due to those intrusive thoughts? Seems like a better possibility than this site being a cesspool.

In any event, I hope you find what you think you need, whether it be here, or somewhere else. Best of luck to you. 🌹

🐻

@blueAngel00

The comment about toxic positivity was really in relation and reference to my early post, where I talked about the things that I found had gone poorly in the onboarding process. I may elaborate on this later in this response, but I want to respond to some of the other points raised first.

Really, first, I ought to apologize. I really was in a place bad place at the time of posting. I had come here, having been directed from other resources, in the hopes that I would find a bit more consistent of a support network in dealing with some of the depression, and some of the intrusive thoughts. The hope being to find an outlet that I can have for some of the ongoing issues, but also to be able to have a network fall upon within the moments of the downward spiral. I may have engaged in conversations and looked at resources on the site with some false expectations. Similarly, it may be the case that I'm just all ego and greed and that nothing is enough.

It is wrong to paint the community with such broad brushstrokes. I have had a few positive interactions with community members at this point, and most the people, judging from their own posts, writings, and listening in on the chat rooms, are empathetic, kind, and adept at handling 'real-talk,' so to speak. So, there is an apology owed for blindly coloring everything with the same brush.

I am sorry for that.

I don't actually believe that the community is bad. I do worry, again, about some concerns of toxic positivity from top-down, but I suspect the community writ large, likely to favor some of the better of the humans.

But, I also feel the encounter that I had should not have happened.

I truly want to raise the alarm bell, having had it happen. Having had it happen as my first time going through the more official "find a listener," "describe your problem," sorts of steps. Having waited in que for someone to talk to me after having an inkling as to where I would be coming from, I did not expect such an encounter.

I would like the community to have the expectation that such encounters won't happen.

That expectation may have been misplaced and falsely high, and lashing out at the community as a whole is with out a doubt unwarranted. But, I wanted to sound the alarm.

One of the things that has given me and does given me the most comfort is feelings of inclusion. Knowing that other people have some of the same struggles and same thoughts makes me feel less alienated and isolated. I thereby like to assume that others may sometimes think like me as well and have similar responses and feelings. The experience had gone surprisingly and poorly enough for me that I wanted to fight a bit for others who might be in a similar position or might think like me to put in place training, safety measures, or have part of the certification process include steering away from these sorts of responses.

Now, to return to the thoughts on 'toxic positivity,' and those concerns in order to add some clarity. (This will be a bit of rehashing of my earlier post, so, forgive the redundancy). I did not have concerns about toxic positivity before signing up for the site. They came as part of onboarding to the site. I came because I was told this might be an good access point to to a therapist, and my first step was to sign up for a therapist to help with my specific issues, and I began to poke around the community and the site a bit more after signing up with them. This is just to clarify timing, because I don't want to leave with the impression that I first looked around the site and became concerned and then signed up, when the events happened in the other order.

I raise the point of toxic positivity, because, there are frames of mind and views on positivity that I do find toxic or anathema to my imbittered and cynical self, but, I exist in a society with a diversity of thought, and many people embrace many thoughts I disagree with. There becomes a problem, however, when any worldview, ideology, or frame-of-mind becomes a filter by which you weed out the plurality of opposing views.

I grew concerned in the site when I signed up and was automatically enrolled in a path. I'm a big believer in volunteerism, and I did not like having no say in the matter. I did expect some amount of people saying positive aphorisms and words of encouragement writ large to to others. I was not surprised or upset by people talking about the things the were grateful for, or wishes for tomorrow, or things like that. I rolled my eyes when I did the first breathings exercise on 'my path,' or did the forum post, and the site told me I had "leveled-up," and could now have a profile picture. Just as there is a part of me that rejects being enrolled in a path without consultation, a part of me inherently rejects hierarchies, so thinking that I know was in a system where certain privileges were bestowed by rank, and ranks were tracked, didn't make me feel welcome, but society loves a hierarchy, so it is what it is. Yet, when I poked about the community and listener guides I grew concerned when I encountered recorded talks like "happiness is a choice." and the like.

I have a concern that there has been a selective process for those that administer the site. Concerns that come about through phrases like 'happiness is a choice' and other rhetoric and systems on the site. The concern isn't that they are there, it is that other thoughts are weeded out.

I do take some of the responsibility for the interactions that I have had on this site, but, in the broader picture, I also do believe bad things can happen for no reason, people can be cruel to each other and that someone can be purely a victim. I believe in chaos, chance, and entropy and major players in all things, and I fear that embedded within thoughts like 'happiness is a choice,' or, were we to take the prior thought more broadly 'we bear some responsibility in all our interactions,' that at some point the line is crossed into victim blaming, into walling up, into a closing off of empathy. I worry that there is too much of 'the path to happiness' about the site in the community.

To reduce it to the absurd, I worry that the core cabal is a cult.

That worry is combated by the community. The community seems diverse, and I see a variety of posts. In the group conversations I find most the people being empathetic, real, and realistic.

Yet, between the negative feelings from the onboarding process, the fears about a group that had weeded out a diversity of frames of mind, and the flavor and tone of the chat, I wanted to lash out. Raise alarms, scream a little.

I don't even know how much I want things changed. I do want some amount of better safety to prevent that sort of conversation from happening under that circumstance, but I suspect, by and large the people that run things and administer things are truly warm, empathetic, caring, and taking care of the community at large as best they can. But, I also know that I want a conversation happening up the ladder about some of the impressions, feelings, and interactions that I've had coming to the community.

The sweeping judgment had a lot of lashing out in it, and a lot of attention seeking.

But, the judgement is not coming from the interaction alone. It is coming from some of the features of the site itself, some of the communications surrounding their training and certification, and the interaction of the chat that precepted the post. That combined had me lash out at the community broadly and not just the one person who I interacted with in chat specifically. I merely blocked them, rated the chat poorly, and reported why I felt it was a poor interaction through the channels provided.

It was wrong of me to lash out as I did, and a lot got painted harshly in a manner unwarranted.

Even here, I fear some of my critiques are still not toned down properly. But, I'm a lot calmer now in writing then when I had posted before. I hope the time and calmness have made the difference.

Really, though, I do want to raise an alarm bell that an interaction could have happened this way, and to also raise a conversation about selecting for or pushing a mind-set or ideology while creating an inclusive and diverse community. I have not gone about either of those with much grace or class.

Anyway, we may end up with differing in some of those philosophies to navigate the world and all that, but, I hope the elaboration has provided a bit of clarity.

My impression right now is of a site with a core or good people and many tools that are good for many folk, but with a little too homogonous and conforming a veneer about it to entirely feel welcoming. I'm trying to find my niche, or carve out a niche. Even if failing, I want to leave enough flags laying about that it might be rectified going forward.

I was lashing out, and I was being unfair and unkind. I am sorry.

If you join a group of 100 people to make friends and your first encounter with one of those people turns out to be negative and bad, it's not fair to the other 99 when you convince yourself that they're bad as well. I encourage you to navigate in this group more because you'll find nearly everyone you come across with will treat you right. It's not fair to this entire site to call it a cesspool due to one single negative experience with the one person you encountered.

I've only been in this site for about 3 weeks and so far it's been nothing but a positive experience with others. I'd encourage you to reach out to someone else here... 😊

@Spearman60

I agree, people are all different and have different approaches and outlooks and things.

I reached out, however, to a 'certified listener.'
I took this certification to mean that the community had vouched for the person as a listener, and that the person had likely done some specific training with dealing with the depressed.

I waited 10-15 minutes in que to be connected to a listener after having described my problem as 'hopelessness.'

I am totally okay with people being individuals. I went to the public char room over the weekend. I had a good experience and everyone there was kind, but I was prepared, in such a forum, to encounter hostilities.

I was not prepared to encounter discouragement when I reached out to a certified listener to talk about the specific issue that was plaguing me in that moment.

I sort of suspect that most the community are people facing their own struggles and trying to find and express empathy, and most are just people. My warnings and fears really concern the way in which the moderation and certification happens.

I feel that every part of this site is aimed at getting people to seek out such conversations under a veneer of help and safety. To me, that creates for the site an obligation to moderate such interactions at some level.

I signed up for the site because my regular therapist, my doctor, and I all believe I don't need to be voluntarily committed, yet I lack a support network. I was told of this community after connected to a crisis line a few weeks ago. All of those vectors of information lead me to believe that the site would have more safety than 4chan or reddit.

I have met some good people on this site at this point.

I have met most of them through their forum posts or their presence in the chats. My interaction through 'connect to a listener' went poorly.

My honest motivation is to improve site safety.

Like, I'm at a certain amount of risk, but I'm not in crisis. The weekend was hard. It was the anniversary of my friend and mentors taking the exit, but, most of my struggle is dealing with intrusive thoughts, not taking actions impulsively. My concern is, were I a person truly in crisis and I to end up at this website as my port of call, that I the conditions might be worsened.

It is not fair to paint the entire community with such broad brushstroke.

Many of the community members I have encountered have been supportive.

Yet, my first impression of the site was both overwhelming and had some negative connotations (see previous post). Then, when I did finally try to reach out for a listener, I tried to use all the site tools that I could avail myself to reach someone well suited to help speak to someone in my my state of mine, and I was met with "do what you want."

I don't like to stir up trouble, but, it was an interaction shocking enough that I'm willing to fight a little to see things change.

I must admit though, that part of me was still in touch with that dark void that wishes to suck all things down into it when I wrote. So, I lashed out. Sorry for that.

@edwardiolo

I am sorry to hear about your poor experiences on this website. I will tag some individuals who I feel should reply to this. @CheeryMango @Heather225 @ASilentObserver

@edwardiolo

I'm sorry to hear that you had a negative experience on our site. We take feedback like yours very seriously and we want to ensure that everyone who uses our site feels safe and supported. We understand that toxic positivity can be damaging and we strive to provide a safe and supportive environment for our users. We are committed to providing resources and support to those who are struggling with depression and other mental health issues. With it being your first time on the site, it can be overwhelming to understand and fully grasp all of what the site has to offer and that is okay.

Like many things in life, it takes a lot of trial and error especially when it comes to finding the right listener to suit your needs and the type of support that you are looking for. It is always encouraged that when searching for a listener, to filter the search using the 'Verified Listeners' option as they are more experienced and better equipped to offer support as compared to newbie listeners. I truly hope you do not let this mishap turn you away from the site completely.

To add, it is strongly discouraged to take anyone, offsite even therapists. So, please do not attempt to take them offsite as they would likely not comply due to the agreement they have made with the site and their leader.

If you have any further concerns or feedback, please don't hesitate to reach out. You can click HERE to leave more feedback and it will go directly to the admin team so it can be looked into. We are always open to hearing from our users and we take all feedback seriously.

@CheeryMango Thank you.

A lot of my posts in the forums have been a result of not being able to communicate directly with administrators of the site (see my first post, where community feedback form was down).

I would much rather have been able to voice some of the things I have had to voice privately. Instead, I have been trying to thread the needle of complaining publicly without inciting the mob. This link is very helpful

Sounds like you got matched with a listener who was tone-deaf. Seems like this is somewhat of a common experience. I can only guess that maybe some listeners are biting off more than they can chew when it comes to checking off the categories of problems they feel comfortable and able to handle.

From my understanding, the volunteer listening here isn't for people in a serious crisis. Those are better suited for professional therapy. This is more like peer counseling which may or may not be high quality, depending on the person you happen to get. The site does its best to filter people out by having you take a basic listening course, but the rest is up to the person's judgment. Finding a compatible/good listener or therapist can be a lot like dating that way. You have to kiss a few frogs before you find one that fits and is worthy of your time.

I think your feedback and concerns on this are very valid and valuable.

@HermitHealer

I suspect you're right in what are the underlying causes. And yeah, I also know this is not for the more serious crises. I ended up calling the crisis line immediately after, and it maybe where I should have started. I hate tying up their resources though if I'm not in dire dire need, and I'm often much more of a premeditated actor than they are used to dealing with. Like, I'm often not an immediate danger to myself, but the thoughts and impulses can come like a flood. I'm good at resisting at this point, but, sometimes it just helps to talk, or listen, or be distracted.

I got on this site after being directed from the crisis center thinking that the community or some of the therapists here may be good to help at more of those 'in the moment' problems. Like I see another therapist weekly, but, I'm still floundering, and it's been recommended to find more resources. I'm trying to get that sorted.

But, the encounter had gone poorly enough that I wanted to sound alarm bells.

There was a bitterness and lashing out in the tone that I regret, but, I do not think the encounter should have happened the way that it did considering the steps that I followed.

Finding a good therapist is a lot like dating, not every pairing will work. I'm sorting out whether the therapist I've been matched with here will work. I tend challenge my therapists early it would seem. I often worry that I may be offensive to them, and often fear that they may push ideas that I have rejected onto me when I am most vulnerable. So, I often make a bit of a poor first impression.

I suspect I make a poor first impression generally, and not just with my therapist, if I am being honest.

I understand too that my experience is subjective, and may be an outlier. But, I'm also of the opinion that it should not have happened. I don't know how to go about preventing such things. I do regret being so imbittered, but, I also want to bang loudly on the tocsin.

@edwardiolo

Ah, I see. Well, that's very considerate of you and it's good that you're in tune with yourself in that way.

That makes total sense to want that extra support in between sessions with your therapist.

It also concerns me that there are predators that come on here to prey on people needing help, and other weird things/complaints I've heard from others. That's why when I read your post, I sadly wasn't surprised. I know they obviously don't represent everyone here by any means, but it's a valid concern as you said. I guess the best that can be done at the moment is to report it when you see it, but obviously, a person being triggered when they're in a delicate state is not ideal.

I didn't take your initial post personally. I just saw it as you venting about an experience that was intensely upsetting to you, which was completely understandable. Sometimes we get intense while venting.

It sounds like you need a strong therapist who is able to understand you well. Well, I guess that's what everyone needs lol. Anyway, that makes total sense. It's too much of a clash to have a therapist with vastly different values than yourself. But at least any potential therapist will know exactly where you stand right out of the gate.

It sounds like you aim for total transparency with your therapists -- which is really good -- especially for therapy, but I guess if something is lacking in tact, it can create a bad first impression.

Like I said, I have heard similar complaints from others about listeners on here. It sounds like some people come here to troll and prey which isn't okay. It's dangerous. It probably feels like a bait-and-switch to the unsuspecting person coming here for help for the first time, like yourself. It's also unfair to the rest of the kind, quality listeners here who they in no way represent. I don't like that they ruin it for everyone else and give this site a bad name.

@edwardiolo I think you have done a great job at preventing such things from happening to other people just by starting this thread in the newbie community - a thread that will be bumped and more visible to everyone each time you or someone else comments here and not only visible for people who happen to be looking through this newbie community but also gets bumped on the main page as well for everyone so the more you or anyone else writes here the more likely people will see it.

I would love for everyone to have access to this information and in my opinion it should be pinned at the top of every community or given as a popup to every new member (or both) this is really informed consent and what could possibly be more important on a mental health site than a person getting accurate information so they can make good decisions about what is best for their own mental health?

The fact is this site is not capable of doing more in terms of moderating there is just not enough volunteers available to do something on that scale all moderation is completely done by volunteers here and there is just enough to manage the chatrooms and often even that is a struggle to find people chatrooms can only be open if moderators are available.

The "certified listener" designation is very misleading because the common understanding of certification is a person who has received additional training of some kind but here it only means that a listener has requested a mock chat with a volunteer. The listener is contacted and the listener and volunteer certifier arrange a time to do this practice chat that lasts about 20 minutes. So certification only means that listener has gone through an additional practice chat - but there is no effort to tell members this is what it means here and of course its completely reasonable for anyone to expect it to mean additional training or some kind of specialized training.

If there were more volunteers here listeners could also be vetted and interviewed exc. before they can become listeners and talk to people privately on here and i wouldnt be surprised that many members do think listeners are interviewed or otherwise vetted but anyone on here can easily become a listener. In fact everyone can have one member account and one listener account here and you might want to take the free online training that is available to everyone that most people complete in less than 30 minutes just so you know what listener training actually looks like just so you or anyone else is more informed.

Every person that comes here should be given accurate info and understanding knowledge is power after all and we want to empower people to make mental healthcare decisions that is best for them and im so glad you made this thread!

@jennysunrise8 Gosh I totally agree with this! The word certified does make it seem like there's alittle more training involved. It could be misleading to alot of people who think they're getting someone to chat with that is actually certified - when it's just a volunteer listener who had an extra chat with another volunteer listener. Allthough - is it certified or verified? Either way though it does make it sound as though there was more involved than just that extra chat. I think the adult teen listeners are looked at more closely though because of the age difference and wanting to keep teens safe - which is understandable. But I'm not really sure what all is involved with that. I kind of feel alittle silly thinking of all the times I've suggested to other people to try a verified listener thinking they were better trained 😬

@mytwistedsoul The word 7 Cups uses is "verified".

However, the Terms of Service clearly state that: "7 Cups does not verify the skills, degrees, qualifications, credentials or background of any Listeners." Make of that what you will 🤔

Adult teen listeners (ATLs) are not required to have any special listening skills.

Charlie

@RarelyCharlie The first word that came to mind was huh 😕 I'm honestly not sure what to make of it and then to add in The Terms of Service that they don't verify the skills or anything. Then what is the point? And how many people actually read the Terms? I know I didn't 😅

@mytwistedsoul yes true its verified not certified its been so long since i became a verified listener i guess lol but what does "verified" mean?

@jennysunrise8 not what I thought apparently. I thought it meant to make sure or that it was accurate or true 😬 Idk

this site isnt a cesspool, it's a hugbox

yes I had my fair share of bad apples listeners myself, people who picked a LGBTQ person to start a conversation about conversion therapy and totally disregarding my gender identity, h3ll ! I even had one listener hit on me just because I'm trans ! and I don't blame them, everyone is entitled to their own opinions/beliefs, it just baffles me they would want to waste time on a conversation that ultimately will lead no where

@antico

"The nail that stands out gets hammered down."

Everyone is entitled to their own belief, but it becomes a problem if the goal is to create a safe space, and there is a majority that demands and hammers in conformity. But, I don't need to reiterate the points I've made in the other replies and all that.

I don't really find the community a cesspool. I'm slowly being connected to some of the more supportive parts of it.

Yet the encounter went poorly enough that I did want to hue and cry. I lashed out needlessly and, that I regret.

I'm trying to find those godless, LBTQIA+, pinko commies to talk to, but most the listeners and therapist have had a little too much of the good spirit in them for me to have quite found my home and people on here yet.

One of the advantages of being new is that I haven't really made friends, and, if I make enemies, I can leave with little loss, as I've put little of myself here and risked little trust or vulnerability. It both lets me take the risk of screaming and throwing a hissy fit about a bad exchange. I can lash out and get aggressive, get defensive, and just be a jerk with little risk or consequence. But, the other side of that is that I have a courage now to voice the things that make me uncomfortable that I will lack when I start to develop better relationships and continue to have better encounters.

There is disillusionment that comes when reality meets false expectation, and some of my lashing out comes as a result of a false expectation, yet, while I attempt to eat my crow while it is young, I maintain that the service received under the circumstances was intolerably substandard. It is one thing to not be able to help, it is another to nudge towards the edge.

I am sorry for lashing out, and saying cruel things about the community at large.

@edwardiolo

It all depends on your expectations of what you will get once here

Yo. I just read this and went through all of the replies. I see everyone’s point of view, but I do see some concerning things that you’ve pointed out. I’m a listener, and I feel that we should have more certifications to become verified. I say this because I’ve seen and heard that there are some things other listeners and members are doing that are against code and policy.

It worries me because some have come to me and told me how they’ve been mistreated by the numerous listeners they’ve gone to etc. I’m not jumbling the whole community together, but 7Cups does need to fix the qualifications and structure for both members and listeners.

I’m truly sorry you had a bad experience as do many other members and even listeners. I think more than anything, as a community, we should listen to each other’s worries and concerns and speak on it. Of course we shouldn’t group up the whole site or groups of people, but this is a concern of mine as well. I’ve been a listener since 2017 and I’ve seen it. There is a lot of love and support, but there’s also corruption and rule-breaking. We need to speak on this and I think it’s important we figure out what we all should do to better this site for everyone.

@1ofakindV

Thank you.

Truly one of the most validating responses. Truly makes me feel like I'm not crazy and creating much ado about nothing.

I do, of course, want to apologize again for the mean spiritedness and lashing out at the community as a whole and for splitting like I did.

But, knowing others see this sort of thing as a problem, and that it might not be an isolated sort of incident makes me feel less like the 'boy who cried wolf' and that I'm perhaps more 'making mountains out of mole hills.' Better to pull that fire alarm early and all that.

At this point, it's a mixed experience becoming more positive over time. I reached to this site when things were spiraling downwards, and that can often make me feel more isolated, be more prone to lashing out, and seeing everything through the darkest lens available. It would not be the first time I put my foot in my mouth and said some stupid things. But, it does feel better to find that there might be a kernel of truth in my feelings.

It also feels, where people like you who are long-time standing and active, see the issue, that there is likely to be action. I don't have solutions, I would be terrified to try and organize an online community. I do want the places that offer themselves for support to take issues of safety seriously, and it is nice to know the core of what I had said did not fall upon death ears.

Anyway, sorry once again for lashing out at everyone as a whole and for displaying such anger and negativity.

Do not be sorry for speaking your truth. Of course, I understand that some of the things you’ve said cannot be taken back, but I empathize with your reasonings. I’m glad you’ve taken accountability and also reflected on the whole community. I’m glad you’ve been able to find somewhat a community that you can go to and opening yourself up to new perspectives and hearing everyone out. You’ve taken your time to discuss all of these concerns and have done your best to make light of it regardless of how it may have come across in the beginning.

Please do feel free to reach out to me if you ever need a 1-on-1 conversation. I’m open to discussion and to listen to you, of course within policies and codes. Take care and we’ll all get through this together. This is still a great community and I hope you find more members and listeners that align with you.

@edwardiolo I am sorry you feel that way.

But others have a different view point of 7cups, so please keep that in mind.

Glen M, Our founder has worked night and day, to make this site, as supportive and helpful as possible.

Please keep this in mind.

I am sorry you did not have a good experience with a listener, but please do not take it out on the whole website.

This website has helped a lot of members, so keep this in mind.

This platform is not perfect huh, I hope you find an ounce of support from the comments each time you open up the site

@newtown305

Thank you very much for the kind thoughts and words.

As I've said, I am sorry for having lashed out so vitriolically. But, having lashed out, I have had a number of very kind people approach me who have been quite good at listening and building rapport without pushing an agenda.

I am happy though to have sounded the alarm bell a little.

I don't really expect a perfect platform. I am willing to treat my encounter as an outlier, and a lot of my disappointment to id due to false expectations. Yet, while I have started to find better comradery and support, some of the comments of the post have validated that there might be a problem, with things like predatory behavior. Some level of expectation is reasonable. I feel some of this could be better forewarned or prevented.

@edwardiolo I completely understand that. I'm struggling to avoid toxic positivity in other people and myself.

@Allyson572 thanks.

Lashing out did have the advantage of attracting some sympathetic and better listeners for me. But, I think a lot of self-help and mental-health exercises or courses or things can fall into the trap of toxic positivity, and that spaces that cater towards such teachings can have a toxically positive culture.

In the way that not everything works for everybody, a lot of the motivational and optimistic sorts of exercises and approaches can run afoul with me. But, I also know that they are effective for many, even the majority.

The problem here, as I see it in this regards, is that the spaces that do work for me are less visible.

I often am more in the 'misery loves company,' kind of camp. I often take comfort in my miserable moments by being around other miserable people. Like, I've lived a long time, don't tell me to go for a jog, you think I've never ran in all my years of living? But, here, I see someone else screaming out from the void, lashing out at the world in anger, misery, and frustrations. I no longer feel as isolated, knowing someone else is suffering as I do. Maybe I can listen or help, maybe I can not or am not in the space to. But, the end is the same, where asking me to try and be optimistic about tomorrow doesn't make me feel near as good as feeling like I'm not alone today.

A lot of the veneer of the site is more geared towards that positive and optimistic reinforcement. Again, that's honestly a good thing. But, if it's overwhelmingly positive, and the more negative outlooks are all hidden, it can be alienating. I wish some of those grimmer people, darker spaces, were a bit more visible on arrival.

I am here to try and cultivate hope and positivity within myself. I just can't handle things that are too saccharine. I tend to dwell in a place where all hope is false, and things like faith are a flaw not a virtue. When a prompt or a person asks something of me like: "If tomorrow a miracle were to happen in your life, what would it be, what would that look like?" My reaction is anger and fear, isolation and alienation. I can try and picture a tomorrow that's better than today, but, I need to get walked there, it's not easy. A lot of the initial language, posts, conversations, and exercises I came across on arrival here were enough on that bright side, that it felt like there might not be a home for me within this community.

I feel a little *** up saying I wish some suffering was more visible, but that's honestly something that would have made landing on the site softer.

@edwardiolo I think that being more positive is a vital step but for later in the process rather than earlier. Acceptance is just as important but should come earlier rather than later.

I'm sorry that happened to you, just know that some people have really benefited from this site. If you want to try something else, good for you. Wish you luck!