How can I forgive myself when sessions don't go as I'd like?

@maddyrosie - I think that self-forgiveness works similarly here as it does in most cases, and my feelings are that guilt isn't productive, but learning is. So when a mistake is made or you feel you've done something wrong or need to forgive yourself, the steps I recommend are:

1. Recognize and reflect on what happened - where did things go wrong? how could it have been different?

2. Learn from the situation and make a new plan for next time - what could you do differently in a similar situation for a better result? how can you continue to grow?

3. Let go of it and move forward - you help neither yourself nor others by continuing to feel guilt about the past, but by learning from it and moving on, you can learn and grow and help many others

Ultimately, most people are not perfect listeners from the beginning - we all learn and grow as we go on and become better listeners with experience and practice. What's important is letting yourself learn so that you can do more good going forwards. And if you're struggling to figure out how to improve or what you could work on, you can reach out to a mentor (myself included), you can read up on resources in our Listener Journey community, you can take the Active Listening tests in our training section, or you can complete a mock chat with a Quality Mentor.

Good luck and happy listening! :)

@maddyrosie

Hi, Do you have a mentor? I found a wonderful mentor and she has helped me. Earlier I had some rather stressful chats and I talked them through with her and she helped me put things in perspective. If you do your best and follow the training then that is all that can be expected. You have to be in a good place to be able to cope with whatever the next member chat throws at you, good or bad.

((((((hugs)))))

I had the exact same issue recently. I failed to help someone even though I tried my best, gave the person a lot of room, a lot of options and suggestions. Related to their issues by providing examples from my own life. Provided with some useful links. So yeah. All that after devoting around more than two hours, but still failed..

My 28 year old daughter doesnt approve of my girlfriend who is only 4 years older than her

I met this amazing woman on this website called Loveme. Her name is Yulia, shes from the Ukraine, and everything about her is just great. Shes so smart and funny, and we just connect on so many levels.

Ill be the first to admit that we have a significant age gap Im 59, and shes only 33 years old. But the age gap has never been an issue. Weve always been upfront with each other. We had been dating for almost 18 months before I decided to introduce her to my family. I have 3 kids, the 2 sons and 1 daughter.

My eldest daughter is 28 years old, shes never really been open to the idea of me dating someone whos only a few years older than her. My two sons, 25 and 23, dont really mind, theyve actually been pretty supportive.

Im starting to seriously consider proposing to Yulia. I want my entire family to support the two of us. Im asking if theres anything I can do to make the two of them get along? Even though my daughter has her own place, she comes over fairly often, I really want us all to get along. Do you have any advice or suggestions on what I can do about this situation? Id really appreciate it.

I am brand new to this website. The "rules" and/or expectations concerning what can and cannot be said. Has me a tiny bit worried what can and cannot effect the reputation of the site. Saying that, I have read others who have replied to your concern. Its seems here I am encouraged to open up. So...

If a session you gave your efforts towards did not go well. I have a different outlook here then what maybe considered "the norm". I believe if guided appropriately, those feelings of failure are a good thing in many ways. One particular way is what I will be focusing on here.

What your feeling is a wonderful feeling to experience. We all have similarly, and will as life goes on.You say you feel aweful it did not go to your liking. On the contrary. You have vollunteered your time for free here on 7cup. Your time is a very valuable resource. What you do with it is yours. The session to me was simply as successful as it gets on here. Value this day as a day that has made u stronger. Embrace how you feel about your "failure". I was taught to condition myself and emotions for how they can be seen as a good thing. Sure, anyone can type the very words im typing here. If you do not respond accordingly to them. I typed them with earnest effort and used valuable time to show u concern. If u are unresponsive to the point Im making. Thats of no concern. You are well aware now that there are others to be there for u. Thats the measage the website wants to relay to the world. If you were not victorious in guiding someone to better mental health. Guess what...you showed them there is a place to go.

Also, don't forget that whatever happened doesn't even necessarily mean you failed - a person may say that you didn't help them, but only later realize that you did. I've read that this happens frequently on help lines. People need time to think things through, and it may be difficult for them. Or the person was in such a bad place, that even the best listener couldn't have helped - you cannot know.

Just an observation: You never really know when a chat may not have seemed productive yet a small seed/idea/thought was planted and later the person remembers what was said and has an "aha" moment that can lead to positive movement. Try not to be discouraged.