Scared??
Woke up from sleep having nightmares that I am failing in college even thought I finished it long back , failing in job , failing in life , all of my friends secretly hate me , my parents and my family hates me . Cant go to sleep terrified of this life and loneliness. My parents though really hate me , I had a conversation with my mom yesterday that they shouldve controlled me more and earlier and got me married without letting me study , that hit me hard even though its not the first time they have said me these kind of things. I know and understand they are also getting old and all but their behavior scares me , I avoid to meet them . A week back I took them to a 5 day trip underatoos that how much I do or love them theyll never change . My whole life I have never felt good enough or anything , I am always some kinda peacemaker. My parents fought every single day , both of them would complain me , my younger sister gets away with anything , I have to cover up for her, I always tried to resolve issues between those 3. My mom and sister used to hit themselves with broomaticks and hitting head to walls and all. Always they make suicide threats even for the minor inconvenience. Its funny of me to think that they are gonna change , even my parents at 55 years and my sister at 22 years who are all adults make suicide threats , if I dont get married they r gonna do , if I say no to them they say same , if I wanted to go on a trip theyll do , my sister if I dont trust her shes gonna threaten even though I have enough and more proof that she is straight away lying to my face . All these things hit me so hard , I have anxiety issues and idk what all also. I am 25 year old girl living away from house which never felt like home . I have some 3 to 4 friends , M happy for it but yeah my overthinking makes it difficult.
Thanks for anyone reading, I appreciate it.