Need Support
Dear All,
I am in a quarter life crisis. I’m25 female. Yes, I had my wedding called off my wedding to an emotionally abusive ex last year and quit a toxic job. Now I’ve decided to take a break to heal. At the same time I’m planning to study to get into academia and the qualifying exam is in June. Till then I was wondering how I get started as I lack motivation. I think I’m emotionally burnt out. I don’t know where to start. I stay with my parents. Though they’re supportive of me staying at home to study, they don’t get along well. So it’s almost always like a fight or flight situation here. I know it gets back to normal. But I kind of want to run away with a mundane boring job or sometimes. I guess I stayed with my ex longer than I should have because I wanted to escape from here. I love my parents and they love me too but I hope you get it.
Do I look for a job and escape? Or should I stop running and face it until I find a path that fulfilling in the long run?
I would really appreciate any thoughts on my situation.
Thanks in advance.
Hi @gwen03✨
Thank you for sharing - Have you thought about getting a “seasonal job”? A sky resort, an amusement park, Au Pair…? Work away? On a cruise ship? A summer job on the Greek islands! Something that is different, fun and that will get your mind flowing on a different way
It seems that you are “just fine” now where you are, but I think it would be good for you to consider to have time on your own - maybe you get roommates but in the end, the time is focused just on you: what you really want, what you really need, and then experiencing something different gives you more possibilities and a different outcome
I wish for you the best✨
@ElenaDeMonaco Yes taking time away from the same thing we've been doing will definitely help the burn out. I will definitely try doing it. Thank you!
I had to leave myself as well and if you’re able to find support to do so with a friend or roommate it would make it easier for school. It is always fight or flight there and your nervous system gets wrecked. It sounds like you need time away from a lot of things, is what I’m reading.
@batgirl1234 Yes the constant need to be doing something better and better kind of made me have this burn out and I am actively choosing to have 'rest time and healing for now. Once it clicks it clicks and I am looking forward to what happens next. Thanks for your response
@gwen03 When I was at home, and even after I left, I still had the issue of doing too much for affirmation and validation because I grew up not feeling enough, and tbh, I still feel that way from time to time, so workaholic kicked in because of it, and some people, bosses, teachers, may take advantage of it for their own self gain.
It took me a long time to feel safe at all, money wise and emotionally... and even then, that's not perfect either. It's a huge crutch because I know that my parents are not trustworthy and I'm on my own in many ways.
I hope you the best, and I'm glad you wrote.
@gwen03 if you're not healed taking a new job might stress you more. Living in a toxic home may not help you with the healing process either. So you have to choose between the option that brings you joy and relief first then move on to your next challenge.
I'm living in a toxic home too but I learnt to find my space and explore some hobbies so I could ignore whatever is around me until I heal and am ready for the challenge of a job (that escape isn't often without toxicity either given how society works).
You know best about your options. Choose wisely. And if you make a wrong choice remember you can choose again. Life is full of options to explore and see what fits for you and what doesnt. Don't give up on trying to make your life better . You deserve it.
@Creamyyy Yes I get it thanks. For now I am focussed on my healing what I am feeling and why am I feeling a certain way. Been a few days and taking time off is really helping me look into the darker sides I've been pushing under the rug and you are so right about making space for ourselves and it definitely works. Thanks for your kind words and positivity!
@gwen03 Hey Hope you are doing well. I am sorry to hear what you went through. Believe me, I truly understand what you are going through and how does it feel to leave an emotionally abusive partner. My situation is kind of same here and I can't relate more to you. Just believe in yourself and your decision that you did the right thing and you shouldn't have stayed any longer with him. What you did was the best decision and you are so brave and strong to took that decision. I know it must be a difficult time for you but trust me, it will pass soon and you will be proud of yourself. Go find some job for you and keep yourself as much busy as you can. You will shine bright and everything will go in your favour eventually. More power to you girl! ✌️
@supportiveSun53 I am so sorry you had to go through something very similar. Emotional abuse is something we cannot find right in the beginning and by the time we realize we are already in too deep. I am glad I am out of it now and I hope you are in a better place too! Thanks for your words. Truly means a lot!
@gwen03 It's hard to heal when you are in constant "fight or flight", you could possibly look for options where you live that can give you a place to literally go, that can offer you a change and an out from the anxiety you feel.
@wonderfulHoliday5231 There's definitely time for myself that I do spend and actively try to regulate my emotions and my anxiety issues. Therapy has been helping me in a lot of ways along with spirituality. Thank you for your response!
@gwen03
你好！
It seems that you are similar to me, facing work you don't like, a confusing career path, family and relationship problems (if you are interested in knowing, you can read my posts, there are not many people there, and I would also like some advice). I am also similar to you in age.
I also really want to escape and leave everything as it is... Do you have any savings at the moment? I think that since you want to escape, it might be better to actually escape and temporarily find a transitional job and try living in another city for a while? That's what I think about myself.
You mentioned a satisfactory path in the long run, but I don't think there is a path that is satisfactory for everyone. At the same time, no one can predict whether the future you will definitely get better or worse. I think it's enough to do what you want to do.
@Megalodon123 Hey I am sorry you are going through something similar. I have quit my job and have ended a bad relationship and currently I have chosen to take a break for myself as this is the first break I have ever taken in my life. Once you make th decision to do it, I dont know you will find ways to keep you going, healing and one day you will know whats the right path for you. I plan on healing first because there's a lot of trauma and undealt would have serious repercussions is what I realized.
@gwen03 That's great, and I hope you can get over the trauma as soon as possible. I mean, there's a lot of uncertainty in the world, but what you want to do is the best.
@gwen03
I think you have it figured out for the most part. Probably should keep an eye out on affordable neighborhoods that are safe because most people start going into extreme debt when they graduate.
@gwen03 First of all, sorry for the way things turned out with regards to your wedding and job. Things just happen wrong and we can take our lesson out from it. I am in my late 40's and my suggestions will come from my experience in life.
I suggest you take time to heal while still being active with some form of work. Empty mind is a devil's workshop as they say and more you sitwithout doing anything, more your thoughts will take over your mind in a very negative way.
Do not run away is another suggestion as running away won't solve anything. Rather, face the issues head on and see what best can be done.
Utilise the roof over your head and make the best of it. I get how parents not quareling is not good. Try to be the maturer one and see if you can bring some peace. Help around the house so that they feel wanted and taken care of.
My best wishes in the end as I know this is a tough phase for you. But, "this too shall pass" and I hope the same for you.
@hopefuloutlook Thank you so much for your response. You are right about taking time to heal but at the same time not sit idle. I have taken up classes in my field to uplevel my skills and to qualify to get where I want to go. So half the day I take my studies seriously and work towards it and this is for just a few more months until I settle in a much better job thats fulfilling. With respect to my healing I am spending the remaining time with therapy exercises, walks with friends and even bike rides and to sit and meditate in nature. These are getting me through the difficult days :')
@gwen03 Happy to know you have taken classes and you are doing whatever is in your control to make your life better. I hope and pray things look yup for you on all fronts. ❤❤
And, you are just 25! Please remember this and take it easy a bit. I mean, things are how we make them to be most of the times and I hope you smile as well 😊
@BetheStrongest Thanks so much. These were the exact words I was looking forward to read when I posted this. I knew what I wanted but just some support especially in difficult times is what truly makes people move on with life. Your words brought so much peace and relief in me. thank you! I am taking my time to rest, heal and do whats best for my future!!
@gwen03 Hey dear,I totally understand what you are going through.Even my mom and me dont get along well ,though she supports me.How about just taking a vacation or pursuing what you actually like to do like hobbies or past time activities which soothes you.If you are inclined to spirituality, try to meditate for 10 mins ,or you may join some breathwork programme.It really helps to calm yourself. I understand things are rough right now but trust me you will eventually figure out your path which fulfills your purpose and life. There is whole beautiful life waiting for you.Loads of love and blessings to you xxx
@HugInWords31 Thank you so much! Yes I am actively trying to heal through therapy and spirituality. The past few days meditation and journaling has really helped me ground myself. And like you said taking abreak is probably whats best for me in this situation!
Don't worry,everything will be fine..life throws some unexpected curveballs all the time.But don't think you are alone..we areall here together.If you need anything,I am always here.More Power to you girl..you've got this💜💜🧿
