Hello @J822R and welcome to 7cups.
I'm sorry to hear about your relationship, and considering the length of time you've spent with your partner, I can imagine how hard it must be for you. I hope you'll be able to eventually overcome your feelings of hopelessness and be able to make amends for yourself and your partner.
You're more than welcome to reach out for a 1-1 chat with a listener or share your experience in a group chat setting where you might meet other members who might have gone through similar experiences as you. Just know you're not alone and we'll do our best to support you. Take care - O.S. π