Loneliness and conversations with the wrong people
When you don't have much going for you in life, and your lonely all the time, you get kinda desperate. That is what happens to me and often times I find myself talking to whoever will talk back to me, and often times those are not good conversations.
As I write this, I'm also thinking about those busy people that have too many people to talk to. They don't have time to answer all of their emails. It is hard for me to wrap my brain around it. Often times I feel like a loser. Because society doesn't pay attention to me because I'm not dong enough. I don't have a bunch of talents. And I'm not that interested in the things I'm interested in. When you got almost no people in your life, then what is the point of having interests that you can't share with anyone.
I also have no one to truly open up to in my life. People around me mostly just care more about themselves and are not capable of truly caring for others. And I guess it's just that life is also hard on them, too, so that they have to do their best just to survive.
I feel for you cuz I usually feel lonely and felt out, too. But I'm glad that I've found this site and find people who are also struggling as well as people who are warmly welcoming others. Also, I guess it also helps when thinking about myself as a friend to accompany me through the hard times. Maybe being your own best friend is also a good idea to feel less lonely.
Hope everything goes better for you day by day. :)
@RadioKate As I was reading your comment I was thinking about someone at work that I had been having some trouble with. Years ago, they started a friendship with me, and made me feel appreciated. But as I opened up to them, they seemed to close off to me. To my surprise they wrote a book. I bought the book, and read it from cover to cover. I learned a lot of stuff about this person that I wish they would of told me. BTW, I could see why they didn't feel the need to tell me. They had a support system of people in their lives already. It was me who had no support system. They are out of my life for the time being anyways. Maybe forever. Cause they quit their job, to go and do something more extreme in the world. I'm left here sad by how things turned out.
@tryingtosurvive2024
hai man. I can be ur friend, I understand that feeling and I've done those exact things before.
@tryingtosurvive2024
you are not a loser it’s okay to feel sad you deserve to be listened to and to be heard every human is amazing and unique in their own way learn to love yourself and be happy
@tryingtosurvive2024 I get you. Loneliness makes you spiral and doubt yourself. Sometimes I get so desperate for attention that I feel guilty that I can get that needy. I just want a hug or to cuddle someone, just be in someone's arms and feel safe and warm.
@JaffaCake4 study about the Law of Attraction, specifically google for neutroscientist Dr. Tara Swart. She has also a podcast, and in many interviews she is in, she talks about Manifestations and law of Attraction. It will help you to come out of that situation.
Careful. Those teachings have left many people disappointed.
@easyScarf7950 I remember looking up the law of attraction, and discovered that some people say that at first it worked. But after a while, they began to feel trapped by it. In other words you got to keep doing it over and over again, constantly, to maintain it. Eventually you get tired of it.
I recommend watching Melissa Dougherty's channel on YouTube. She's an ex- "New Thoughter" who recently wrote a book about the thought movement from which the law of attraction, manifestation, frequencies, energies and vibrations come.
@easyScarf7950 Years ago, on a social anxiety site, someone suggested to me the law of attraction. When I did a search for it, I found Melissa Dougherty with Doreen Virtue talking about it. That is when I l figured out it was new age, and that it trapped people. But after a long time of listening to both of these ladies. I grew tired of them. First Doreen, and then after that Melissa. I feel that Doreen has gone done the wrong theology path. And I'm not so sure that Melissa is doing as much good as it seems.
As a Christian I enjoy Christian content, however, I have noticed that many of the Christian youtubers tend to focus on a select subject matter, and they keep making videos surrounding that same basic subject matter over and over again. How many videos do I need to watch about the dangers of new age, and false teachers? I know that there are a lot of trouble in some people's teaching. That is why my main source of spiritual information comes from the Bible. When it comes to teaching information, I'm very selective.
@tryingtosurvive2024 I think I can follow your thoughts. Its not up to me to give you any advice. I dont know you good enough. Yet, if you dont mind, with your writing, you give little bit insights into your "inner world". The strange thing with us humans is, that we mostly are not aware about, what is the reality, the real truth, and what we think to be the truth, right ? And the brain is built - by consciousness and subconciousness - in an odd-kind way, that we think about the voice we hear in our mind, to be the truth. I suppose in human development, that had some sense.
Yet, this mechanism has also a kind of "trap". We believe, what we believe. So as you describe your situation, I just like to give you the impulse, as it sounds very desperate, that you step back, and look at your own saying (to yourself) ... and you might ask the question: Is this the truth in my head ? Or just what I started to develop as "perception", based on assumptions. We only can see, what we can see, we are limited. So what another person beside you, just 30 centimeters away from you, might notice, its just invisible for you, because we all have our "filters" in mind, right ?
I suppose you write all this, because its also a kind of desperaration, the situation as you feel it, doesn't sound comfortable nor fun. So the question is, so I would try to start: Can you find out of that "rabbit hole" ? Is there a chance to change the situation ?
And ... I can tell you, by studying lots of facts, and many years psycho therapy: yes, there is an option you can change this situation. If you like, I can proceed, to give you a different light onto the situation, as you describe it.
Let me try it with an example. Assume, there are a group of people, all active, dynamic, good career, well situated. And they meet in their places, either its the tennis club, or sailing club, whatever this place is. Now imagine, a guy comes along, who has not a fancy car, who is not wearing cool clothes. He has no PhD on his business card, and physically he also does not look well trained. What you think will happen when this guy steps up and looks for a tennis or golf partner ? its more less a rethoric question, right ?
I mentioned this, as its normal between humans, that they look for same people around them. Its a kind of safetyness. If one pops up who is different, the brain sends an alarm signal: Risk, danger ! - And in consequence such people shut down against other minded people.
Now comes the most interesting part. Our heart-brain connection is in steadily interaction, and also radiating energy to the outer world. We are energetic beings, too. The mitochondrial cells are the power plants for our body ... our brain works with electric impulses. So logic, we have also a magnetic field around us. To make the formula simple: If one has a positive energy = positive thoughts, the energy is noticed by others, positively. And logically, if one has destructive, negative thoughts, low self confidence, very low self worth, the energy field is negative. And also this is felt by others. A person even does not need to talk one single word. But this energy is felt by others. And even animals are highly sensitive to "smell" and "feel" a person's energy level.
So here comes the trick. Even in worst life situation, one can control by the right mind set and thought the sub conscious processes. There are specific technics one can learn to turn the "negative energy" into "positive energy". If you google about "law of attraction" you find many different videos, look specifically for those with Dr. Tara Swart. She is a neuro-scientist of high caliber, but she has also a podcast, and speaks about Manifestations and Law of Attraction a lot. E.g. one method she proclaims to use is to make a "vision board", which helps you and your brain (and the sub conscious processes) to focus on targets.
You say, you have no talents. I dont think so, but you are the master of your brain and thoughts. So lets assume, you are right. Then ? I dont think that a big problem. You already know how to register on a forum like 7Cups.com, you know how to look for help, and you know how to articulate yourself, so you know how to use language. So you have already learnt a lot, right ? I see already some talents. :-)
But lets assume you are right. You have zerrrroooo talents. You are nothing worth. Again, I dont think that, but thats what is going in your heads. Now comes the simple question. Do you like that ? Do you like this self judgement ? Do you like what you see if you look in the mirror ? If yes, then keep on, tell the world how terrible bad you are with zero talents. I think yo would be the first person in this world with zero talents. I think you would be a world sensation. But anyhow ...if you dont like what you see, if you don't like that you hvae zero talents, then the answer is simple what to do, isn't ? Change it.
Nobody wakes up, and the talents fall like rain drops from the sky. thats an illusion. Talents are discovered, by experimenting, by learning. by try and error.
And as mentioned, so long you tell your brain every day, every minute, every hour, that you are nothing worth, guess what the brain is doing ?? Very simple and logic: It says, hey you guy talking to me, I hear all time that you have no talents, no skills, nothing. Ok. Then I shut down. Because you dont need me. Thats the so called "efficiency of the brain". The brain believes, what you tell it. If you are nothing worth, the brain accepts it, and end of the day.
Its all about what is going in your mind, and its all about the question: Do you like it ? Or do youlike to change it ?? If you like to change it, you can learn how to change it. See Dr. Tara Swart ...
I grew up in a family where I was always told that I am not enough, that I am not working hard enough, that I could do better. Enough was never enough. So I didn't grew up with a caring mother, contrary, I had a psychopath as father, a violent man.
So I have to invent myself as adult, and with such technics like Mindfulness practise, meditation, vision boards, journaling, you can start to "define yourself". You dont need anybody who tells you that you are talented, or skilled, or something worth. You are the master of your own life, if your own brain.
We can be lucky to live in times of Internet, not being captivated in a village, where we are the black sheep, all stupid village people point at us shouting: look at him, he is a fool. he is nothing worth.
No, we can learn, learn from the best, and we can look for like minded people, isn't ? Yet one is clear: so long you have such self destructive thoughts, so long you will attract people who wont help you. Contrary, people will use your "weaknesses" against you, to uplift themselves. Or they just turn around and go away.
Attractiveness, comes from self love, self worth, and ... yes, its hard work. You need to practise daily to get self control, over yourself, over your own thoughts. Sometimes I struggle a lot, and 7cups is a good starting point. But out there are many smart people who know about such issues you are talking here, and I have experienced on my own.
I hope that insight into my own brain gives you little bit a different standpoint and a different perspective onto the situation you described. Good luck !
Very good point! I am thinking the same
I totally get this.. i really hope you have good luck finding good people to conversate on here
I was just waiting for someone who feels the exact same as me. And you out it into words. Thank you. A lot. I want to make real friends I am 22 feel free to chat with me please ð¥º
@BurritoKoibito Thank you. 😄 7Cups doesn't seem to be much of a chat site. It has a chatroom, and it has some listeners to talk too. But other then that I don't see anyway to just private message someone. I'm always in need of a friend, so I'm always willing to become friends with anyone as long as they are kind, and are willing to help maintain the friendship.
If you have any social to share I would gladly chat with you.
Currently I only use Pinterest and WhatsApp but whatever you have I can open an account except for Twitter. Since I Live in Brazil
@tryingtosurvive2024 Hi. I am also like this I have people around me, but they don't care about me. I don't feel interested in things I'm interested because I'm all alone to share things I like or dislike, but I acknowledge every single thing about people around me. At school I stay alone whole day looking at other groups laughing and giggling and this all made me realize I'm depressed from the I started me school life even though I was just a little kid. But I can be your friend if you want.
@goldenOwl8174 If we can find a way to talk to one another, and keep this going. I'm willing to try. 😄
@tryingtosurvive2024 If you want so we can try google chat but I'm a just a teenager. Is there any problem with age? Just want to make sure as people ignore me just because of my age.
@goldenOwl8174 google chat is a good idea for communication. I feel really bad that people ignore you over your age. It is probably not a good idea for you to be talking to me a 45 year old. With as many people who are commenting on this post, my post. I would guess that there is someone on this site that is closer to your age.
@tryingtosurvive2024 As you wish. 🙂
@tryingtosurvive2024
Hello, my name Is Ángel. Im from Argentina. I have the same thoughts that you describe. Often i feel sad about im not a successful person. Im 29 AND still love with my mom, no couple AND a ordinary job. I font kwon who i supposed to be.
