I don't know how to find a place to fit into
I have been online for 21 years. It has taken me 21 years to come to the realization that I don't know what I am doing socially online. I don't know who or what to blame for this. I grew up during the 90's and I wasn't an internet person. I lived in the real world, and did the best I could to survive it. I don't think the majority of people ever liked me. For as long as I can remember, I always struggled with friendships. I couldn't see why, because I always tried to be kind to everyone. By the time I was in 6th grade people started bullying me. It wasn't just enduring name calling. They started tripping me in the hallways, hitting me in the head with book, licking their fingers and putting it in my ears. Making projectiles out of broken plastic rulers, and using rubber bands to shoot them at me. They also destroyed my things when they could. Some of the girls weren't nice to me either, and sometimes they would say eww. This continued until I graduated High School. One year after graduation, I lost control of my anxiety, and I started to spiral into a nervous break down. My doctor put me on medication that helped pull me out of it. (There is a lot more to this story.)
I am a Christian, and so Church was important to me. But the local Churches are not friendly to me. So I no longer attend Church. (There is a lot more to this story.)
I tried to look for local clubs. But since I live in the particular part of the state of Indiana, I couldn't find a club that I could fit into. There is one, maybe, but it is expensive. (There is more this story.)
I am a single guy and I wish I had a woman in my life. But since school was a failure, Church was a failure, and finding a club is also a failure. I had to try online dating, since, the only place I'm around women is at work. But I'm just a janitor for a school, and the women are all teachers and other support staff. They don't care about someone like me. Anyways the online dating thing went no where. I also tried to be involved with forums, chat rooms, and other social media. But at the end of the day they are all a flop. I couldn't tell you how many times I had to start all over!
I decided for my own sanity sake to write this. If you decide that you would like to be my friend or whatever. You need to be someone that is patient and graceful to me. Because I have been through a lot. I can do my best to be kind. But I can't be perfect. There is just too much damage to my feelings.
I’m really sorry about what you’ve been through. I understand really well not being able to connect with people and not knowing where to fit in. This was posted a bit ago so I hope you’re feeling a lot better and have found nicer people and if not would love to talk to you more. All the best no matter what
@tryingtosurvive2024
best of luck for future
I dont have to share any advice but I can share some my thoghts and feeling to you.
I am ab, i am 24 year old (m)
I sorry to hear that. 😢.
You had very painful situation.
It hit me a lot, i feel littlebit of that i had some thing in my life i am also single bro, i am also suffering in that but what you have lived is its too much for me. If i had that i can be gave up bu you don't you kept try .
I like your unstopable spirit. 👍 You are so brave yaar. You not given up till this time you are so strong bro.
I have a question. I want to understand and learn form you. If i want to learn from you so why you seeng like you are failed ? I thing you learn something in that ?
So i hear a quotation - Failiure is part of Success.
Why you not give up and keep trying even if you had failiure ?
You are not failiure to me 😊.
You can be succesful by doing the right thing for you success.
God bless you 🙏.
My best wishes to you bro. 👍💐
@abPenguin4227 I think you are referring to online dating. Why did I give it up? I ran into several problems with it. 1) The best dating sites you need to pay for. My Mom knows what I pay for with my credit card, and since she is not on board with me doing online dating that means I would need to go against her to do that. 2) When I was on the free sites, and that includes social networking sites, the only single girls I got in contact with would hurt me in one way or another. I remember the last year I was trying to meet someone on a free dating site, I had just got off the phone with one of them, and I asked myself: "Why do I keep putting myself through this, all these people do is hurt you. And it has gone on from 2002-2013. How many more times can I emotionally take it?" As time has gone on, it has become increasingly hard for me to find anyone. Also I got into some trouble on several social networking forums, and realized that maybe it is best for me not to even post a picture of myself online. Some people on the internet are so mean that they will do anything to destroy a person like me. I guess that is what I get for being ugly in the face, and having mental problems on top of that. Everyday I realize more and more how bad of shape my learning disability and mental problems has made me. I wish Christians would pray for me. And I wish God would do a special work in my life so that my suffering is not all in vain.
I am not reffering of only onlime dating but also other your efforts you tryed and you are still trying as you can and sharing your thoughts and experessing this is important action you take.
We will with you, we can support you as we can and you need to also take care of you bro. 😉👍
@tryingtosurvive2024 Lately I have been feeling nervous and I feel like the world is against me. I try to be honest with everyone about how I am doing, and it seems like doing that often repels people. I do this because my emotions are so strong that I can't hide them.
Hi
@tryingtosurvive2024,
I understand and exeperience littlebit of some of that situation. But you have more experience than me and you can learn form that (not make same misteakes in future) which you face in life and to grow innwordly and create new future to you for your life.
First thing is imortant is to be aware of you and your situation and this is you doing well.
I not solved totally my problem but i can share something. I hope you can find a diffrent percpective ? 👍
I am trying to understand problems and finding solution. Little bit of actions, smallest possibles actions to me i am taking actions without forcing or pressuring, or resisting to change.
This action creating some visible changes and this is inspiring me to you can do.
In past you are did that effort is motivate me to keep trying dont give up, we can create possible changes, diffrent actions to try.
We can find solution. You are not alone bro i am facing problems to. Dont lose hope.
We will find solutions, so we need to understand the situations deeply properly as it is the focus on solutions.
What do you think ?
to shall pass, everything is changing.
I pray for you.💐🙏 God bless you. God always with us they will not leave us alone they are within us.
@abPenguin4227 Thank you for your encouraging note. It is nice to have someone in my life that will encourage me to keep trying and to hold onto hope. With that being said, I had troubles learning from my "mistakes". I'm always looking back, because hindsight is 20/20. I'm always examining my past to see if I really made mistakes or not. I don't think I made any mistakes with Women. What I mean by this is, if said something that upset one of them, I wouldn't say that again. However the next Woman wasn't bothered by the thing I said before, but rather was bothered by something new, that I never said before. That felt like a losing battle because everyone has their own pet peeve. You don't know what that pet peeve is, until you accidentally trip over it. What I think is wrong with the Women I met, is they are not very understanding and forgiving. They are constantly on guard for the man to say something wrong, so that they have a good reason to get rid of him. At least that was my experience. I'm not perfect, and I don't think I will ever be perfect.
@tryingtosurvive2024
Thankyou🙏 that note helpfull to you 👍.
I am also know that,
Yes that experience you had is hurt you feel like rejected and loosing battle, but you understand what kind of woman you need and this is important in your life.
Is every woman not do same thing ? Is every woman can reject you ? You need a woman who not triyng to get rid you, understand you and forgiving. So its clear. Not every woman is same.
We don't have total control on others, what they must to do or not ? I think no. What do you think ?
I am not perfect ..... I am too. I think also i can't be perfect. I think We need to accept ourself first . Is Our worth or our importance depend on other ? Is other needs it or we need to worthy for ourself, we need to do for ourself first. Is make sense what i am saying ? If i am wrong please correct me.
So what do you think ?
Is we can open to learn from the life we have lived till now or learn from the past and take as a lessons ?
@abPenguin4227 I am not sure I completely understand what you wrote. I need a Woman that loves Jesus, like I do. I need a Woman who takes the Bible seriously. I need a Woman who is not full of herself, and knows she is not perfect but is trying to improve herself. She should be someone that is not narrow minded. Because narrow minded people don't improve. She needs to be someone that can recognized a good man's heart. She is honest and caring at the same time.
I don't waste a lot of time describing physical appearance because if I can't love her and be loved by her, then it doesn't matter how beautiful she looks on the outside, I got nothing.
I try to hold onto hope, but time doesn't stop ticking away.
At 45 years old, I think it is sad that I don't understand God's purpose for me on this Earth. How does my life bring him glory? I spend 90% of time in isolation cleaning a big secular school building. And the reason why I do this is because of my learning disability, other mental problems, and even some of my physical problems. I think according to the Bible I am supposed to be joyful in all situations. I know in my head that is the case, but emotions don't want to go along with it. I think I should be able to sing praises to Him, even in affliction, yet I'm not able to. Makes me think that Jesus needs to work on my heart.
Am I a good man for a woman? I don't know. Only thing I can tell women is this: I take my faith very seriously. I'm an honest man. If I tell you I love you, I mean it. If I tell you I am going to stand by you, I mean it.
