I don't know how to find a place to fit into
I have been online for 21 years. It has taken me 21 years to come to the realization that I don't know what I am doing socially online. I don't know who or what to blame for this. I grew up during the 90's and I wasn't an internet person. I lived in the real world, and did the best I could to survive it. I don't think the majority of people ever liked me. For as long as I can remember, I always struggled with friendships. I couldn't see why, because I always tried to be kind to everyone. By the time I was in 6th grade people started bullying me. It wasn't just enduring name calling. They started tripping me in the hallways, hitting me in the head with book, licking their fingers and putting it in my ears. Making projectiles out of broken plastic rulers, and using rubber bands to shoot them at me. They also destroyed my things when they could. Some of the girls weren't nice to me either, and sometimes they would say eww. This continued until I graduated High School. One year after graduation, I lost control of my anxiety, and I started to spiral into a nervous break down. My doctor put me on medication that helped pull me out of it. (There is a lot more to this story.)
I am a Christian, and so Church was important to me. But the local Churches are not friendly to me. So I no longer attend Church. (There is a lot more to this story.)
I tried to look for local clubs. But since I live in the particular part of the state of Indiana, I couldn't find a club that I could fit into. There is one, maybe, but it is expensive. (There is more this story.)
I am a single guy and I wish I had a woman in my life. But since school was a failure, Church was a failure, and finding a club is also a failure. I had to try online dating, since, the only place I'm around women is at work. But I'm just a janitor for a school, and the women are all teachers and other support staff. They don't care about someone like me. Anyways the online dating thing went no where. I also tried to be involved with forums, chat rooms, and other social media. But at the end of the day they are all a flop. I couldn't tell you how many times I had to start all over!
I decided for my own sanity sake to write this. If you decide that you would like to be my friend or whatever. You need to be someone that is patient and graceful to me. Because I have been through a lot. I can do my best to be kind. But I can't be perfect. There is just too much damage to my feelings.
@tryingtosurvive2024 I get sick and tired of victim blaming. I also get tired of people who tell me that I need to understand my bullies. Why did they bully others? I don't care. It was over 23 years ago! My only problem now is that my brain and emotions and stuff are messed up. Did the bullies cause me to get this messed up? Maybe. They created painful memories, and I learned some bad stuff from them. However I think my number 1 problem is that I have a mental problem that put a target on my back. And now that same mental problem makes people not want to be around me.
@tryingtosurvive2024 When I try talking to people about this stuff. It must be too complicated for them, because people usually ghost me.
@tryingtosurvive2024
hi! i’m sorry you are going through this and it must be really hard. Past trauma is really hard to get over especially when bullying is something you couldn’t control because it was other people. If you ever need a listener I am here to listen and help support you! Bullying is really hard and while I didn’t go through it as seriously like that I do understand the feeling of being frustrated with people. I know one day you can make it and you are very strong for sharing your story (:
@free2118 Thank you for reaching out. I was listening to podcast about how to handle bullies. I wish there was a podcasts like that when I was going through it. The guy would of told me that what I was going through was beyond bullying, because it was beyond just nasty words. They were physically hurting me, and damaging myself. If anyone were to do that to us as an adult we would be calling the cops!
@tryingtosurvive2024 well i’m glad you are finding comfort in a podcast that’s good! my door is always open if you need something (: and yeah it was definitely more than bullying and you are so valid for feeling frustrated! i hope you are doing better now!
@tryingtosurvive2024 I usually say that no one is actually "evil" inside their own minds. They usually have their own (albeit sometimes unjustifiable) viewpoint in which they are actually virtuous, and sometimes its beneficial to try to see where they are coming from.
However, it feels to me like bullying is the exception. These people are being evil, knowing that they are being evil, and doing so because they wish to cause harm. Objectively, their acts might seem small, but the knowing malicious intent makes it very much worse.
As you say, you are the victim and deserve support. Period.
@tryingtosurvive2024
I would like to talk with you. But I'm not sure how.
@sociableShip748 I don't know how either.
I feel for you man, I can relate. Though we have many different experiences, the feelings at the end result seem the same. And I'm willing to bet there are more people who really want to get to know you more.
@tryingtosurvive2024
I'm deeply moved by your story and appreciate your openness in sharing it. It's evident that you've faced a great deal of hardship, and yet, your resilience shines through. Here are some thoughts and words of support:
Life can sometimes feel overwhelmingly challenging, especially when past experiences have left deep emotional scars. It's important to acknowledge the pain and difficulties you've faced and continue to face. Know that it's okay to feel hurt and frustrated by the injustices and unkindness you've encountered.
However, amidst these struggles, there's also a testament to your strength and perseverance. You've endured bullying, isolation, and the strain of trying to find your place in the world, and yet, you are still seeking connection and kindness. This speaks volumes about your character and resilience.
One of the hardest things to do is to keep moving forward when the world seems to push you back. But in those moments, remember that every small step forward is a victory. It's okay to start over, to try again, and to continue seeking the warmth of genuine human connection. Sometimes, the people who matter most come into our lives when we least expect it.
It's also essential to find solace in the things that bring you peace and joy. Whether it's your faith, a hobby, or a simple daily routine that brings you comfort, these small pockets of joy can provide a foundation to build upon. Embrace the things that make you feel alive and hold onto them tightly.
Though it might feel like a lonely journey at times, remember that you are not alone. Many people understand the struggle of finding genuine connections and dealing with the complexities of social interactions. Your story is unique, but the emotions and experiences are shared by many.
In the search for friendship and companionship, patience is indeed key. There are kind-hearted and understanding people out there who will appreciate you for who you are. It might take time to find them, but they exist. Don't lose hope. Keep putting yourself out there, even in small ways, and be open to the possibilities that each new day brings.
Finally, be kind to yourself. Healing takes time, and it's okay to have bad days. What matters is that you don't give up on yourself. Every effort you make towards building a better future is significant. Believe in your worth and know that you deserve happiness and love.
You are stronger than you realize, and your journey, though difficult, is a testament to your enduring spirit. Keep holding on to hope and continue seeking out the good in the world. You have the potential to find the connections and joy you're looking for.
@tryingtosurvive2024
*I’ve opened up my place where you’ll fit into if you ever decide to take the proverbial leap and join me and my 7 Cups friends (the only friends I currently have)* No judging or criticizing from me to anyone about anything.
Obviously it’s not a real place. More like a virtual place but a place is a place right my friend???
Sending you lots of supportive and friendly hugs. If you ever wanna talk about anything I’m here. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@akunknown That sounds interesting. Where do I sign up?
@tryingtosurvive2024
Wherever, whenever you want. That is if you wanna sign up bc you’re already in whether you sign up or not.
As for names, you’re more than welcome to come up with one for yourself if you wish but how does either Loison/Loisinous a play on poison/poisonous) which I admit sounds more like a villain name which you are certainly not or Lola Vice sound???
@akunknown I searched for Lola Vice? Did you know there is a person with that name? She is a "an American professional wrestler and mixed martial artist currently signed to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) on the NXT brand under the ring name Lola Vice. Before signing with WWE Valerie became an international Taekwondo champion and black belt while compiling a 4-1 MMA record fighting in Bellator."
I am a guy therefor that wouldn't be a good name for me. LOL
@tryingtosurvive2024
Oh I didn’t know you were a guy so sorry I suggested that name to you but yes I knew about that wrestler that’s actually where I got the name from bc I thought it was a cool name
@akunknown Did you think I was female?
@tryingtosurvive2024
I didn’t know which gender you were. But now I know so thanks for telling me. Now I know not to make the same mistake twice :)
@akunknown I wonder if I write like a female. I was on two other forums. Both of them had people who thought I was a female. I couldn't understand why. I wasn't using a female user name. I wasn't using a female avatar. (((shrugs)))
@tryingtosurvive2024
I try not to have preconceptions, but your situation did feel more typical for a woman. Bullying happens to all sorts of people, but the particular manifestations felt more like what HS girls go through. (I say this as someone who was mildly bullied as a boy, and knows what a locker looks like from the inside.)
In addition, a lot of guys aren't willing to admit to the level of sensitivity that you showed. This is *not* intended to diss you -- I've worked very hard as a guy to be able to understand and express my feelings and experiences. It is very good that you can.
Thank you for opening up
@averyjayne Just after a year after graduating High School, I started opening up. But I had a lot of trouble finding people who would listen or understand.
@tryingtosurvive2024
It's a materialistic world, unfortunately. I resonate with your handle, as I too am trying to just survive. Give it some patience and time, you may come across someone who, like you, is looking for the same things you are looking for.
I understand you 'think' and other people 'think' you are just a janitor. But, if there were no janitors around, what would become of the schools ?? Each and every job, has in them, the function in this world. Someone has to do it and there is no reason for others to look down on anyone. It doesn't mean you're any less of a person. What IS important in this world, IS often invisible ; integrity, morality, ethics, kindness, care so on and so forth. These qualities take a long time to build and strengthen. May you build on these qualities, despite how you are treated by others. They may be there to test your development of these qualities in you.
Hang in there, mate. Hold your forte.
@tryingtosurvive2024 I can relate. Even, People used to make fun of me during my schooling. So, I know how it feels. I am sorry to hear what you had been through, World has somehow turned into an unkind place and it just keeps on getting worse and worse each day. I never understood why all these bullies try to torment people like us, I mean what do they even achieve by doing that. If you ever want to talk about anything then I am one text away.
@tryingtosurvive2024
I have been in your shoes about being a janitor. After I finished university, I needed to find a job, but due to my degree, it didn't open up many doors. I worked as a janitor for 5 years and struggled to meet new people and survive financially. A friend told me I should teach English overseas since all they need is a university degree. I knew nothing would change if I stayed, so I applied and got a job. I was scared at first, but I didn't have to pay rent, and the money I got paid could go to savings. I thought I would try it for just a year and ended up enjoying it and living abroad for 17 years. It was nice meeting people who would decide to take a risk, move to a new country and start fresh again.
@tryingtosurvive2024
Oh god, I probably don't feel exactly the same way, but boyyyy do I relate. I noticed when I did a quick read-through you said you tried a bunch of different places. I don't know where you live, but some places have hiking groups if you like that kind of thing—just another idea. And be kind to yourself. Here's something that helps me, or is helping me: Professor Paul's "22 Courses in 1" on Udemy. I myself am new to my town, and I think this is the most stressed I have been. But yes, again, I can definitely relate.We are stuck. Just need to get unstuck.
Periodically they have like 80% off or so sales on the classes.
I myself have completed the course and started listening to it again so I can make these things habbits.
You can do it!!
Course Content: This program is structured into 22 distinct courses, each focusing on a different area of personal development. Topics range from emotional intelligence, stress management, and goal setting, to practical skills like public speaking, time management, and productivity.Learning Format: The course is delivered through a series of video lectures, downloadable resources, and practical exercises. This format allows you to learn at your own pace and apply the concepts in real-life situations.Instructor: Professor Paul is an experienced educator and coach who brings a wealth of knowledge in personal development. His teaching style is engaging and accessible, making complex concepts easy to understand and implement.Target Audience: This course is suitable for anyone looking to improve their personal and professional life. Whether you are a student, professional, or simply someone interested in self-improvement, the course offers valuable insights and tools.Outcomes: By the end of the course, you should have a better understanding of yourself, improved emotional and social skills, and practical strategies for achieving your goals. The course aims to help you become more confident, productive, and successful in various aspects of life.Community Support: The course includes access to a community of learners where you can share experiences, ask questions, and get support from peers and the instructor.
@Hiddenbeach1 I think something is wrong with my brain. I think that is why I'm stuck.
Having been through similar struggles, I've found that focusing on self-care, therapy, and seeking out online communities that promote understanding and acceptance can gradually help rebuild a sense of connection and belonging.
@SoniyaJonas It has been years of searching for me. I started when I was 22, and now I'm am 45. Really is there any hope?
@tryingtosurvive2024 There's always hope, no matter how long it takes. ❤️
@SoniyaJonas That is nice of you to say, but eventually time runs out. Everyone's life comes to an end. I'd say that if I haven't found a place by the time I'm 70, I will be too old even if I'm still alive.
@tryingtosurvive2024 I hear you, and I understand how it feels to think that time might be running out. It’s never too late to find a sense of belonging and purpose. I’ve met people in their 70s and 80s who discovered new passions, communities, and even love. Every small step you take towards self-care and seeking connection is a step towards hope. Keep sharing your journey; there are many out here who genuinely care and can relate. 💜
@tryingtosurvive2024 I hear you, and I understand how it feels to think that time might be running out. It’s never too late to find a sense of belonging and purpose. I’ve met people in their 70s and 80s who discovered new passions, communities, and even love. Every small step you take towards self-care and seeking connection is a step towards hope. Keep sharing your journey; there are many out here who genuinely care and can relate. 💜
Everything I have written in this post is true. But one of the reasons I reach out is because of my strong feelings. Often times I look at where my life is at, and think about abilities. I also think about my lack of relationships, and the emotions that come to me can be summed up in this one phrase: "I am a loser." Just to give you an idea of how sick I am. When those feelings reach their peak, and I just can't take it anymore. I reach out in hopes that someone will tell me: "You are not a loser." Right now I can hear an imaginary person say to me: "You are just fishing for support, to enable you to stay the way you are." That person is imaginary in my head, but I know those kind of people are out there because I have run into them all my life. Maybe they are right? But their attitude and treatment of me, has never made me any better. They make me feel unloved. And when they won't interact with me as a friend, they just make my loneliness and the feelings of being a loser even worse. I guess they think that this form of "tough love" will apply enough pressure that eventually a person like me will just change their life. I think people like this are ignorante. They think they know how life works, and they think life works this one way.
It really troubles me when people who say they believe in God and the power of prayer, act this way. It is like with their mouths they say they believe in God and that God has everything under control. But in action they believe that you are the one that has got to make things happen. I think this phrase sums it really good: "God helps those who help themselves." I know of no religious text that actually says that. That phrase always makes me think... Is it true, or is it false? If it is true, then how much of the work is done by me, and how much of the work is done by God? I guess one could argue that God gives you the strength to do all things. I know of a Bible verse that fits that kinda fits that statement. Still it is confusing to me.
One thing I get sick of is victim blaming. Always pointing the finger at the person who is reaching out for help, and saying "It is your fault." I understand sometimes victims are in their circumstances because they made a bad choice. But this is not always true. Victim blaming is an easy way to dismiss someone.
Over the years I have gotten dismissed way more often then I have received genuine, I care about you, help.
@tryingtosurvive2024
Hello ! I too think like you do... constantly in my head, my expression, my body language, everything about me is I am a loser. I too, like you, searched for validation from others, in hope that they will say, 'you are not a failure'. Even if they do say, once in a while, I go back to thinking I am, when another person comes and tell me the great things that are happening in their lives. They are so lucky and I am, so *** unlucky. These thoughts have been my friends to the point that it hurts, and I am so sick of them I want to vomit. And yet, they continue to sojourn in this mind of mine, playing gloriously.
Occasionally, I'm so sick of the thoughts, I will tell myself, 'F*** it!' and go do something physical or listen to some techno beats. I feel better. Then, my friends love me so much they come back for many a times. I tried to 'fit in' with others also, by playing the same games the others do. I wanted so much to be a part of a group. I think I tried, for a few years. Then I discovered I couldn't, because it incited more jealousy, envy, fear and competitiveness in me, which to the point it was *** the life out of me. I felt even more of a loser and a failure. So I quit the game, and quit trying to fit into a shoe that is not my size.
Sometimes, I do things for people, for strangers and I don't even get a thank you. It's as if, it's my duty to do it. I get *** and feel down and the loser friend comes into my mind for an evening walk. But then I ask myself this, did I do that to get a thank you from someone? Is the 'thank you', the validation, of me as a person, of my existence, so important? Why do I need others' validation to confirm my existence and my worth, when in fact, I am standing here, in the flesh with my breath? If I am here, I am worthy to be here, with or without the others' validation. I did what I did for others because that is who I am, as a person. I did not do it for their thanks. I did it to express myself as a person. That is who I am or that is who I want to become.
So, does that mean, my negativity has disappeared ? No, because I've yet to make it a habit. So, brother, let us both, try to take a step in another direction today by doing something that leads you to invite another 'friend' into your mind to play. Another 'friend' with a bit more sunshine to help the seeds in your garden grow some fruits and flowers.
Bro, maybe you can give this perspective a try ? Doing things for others not in expectation of their gratitude or thanks or anything. But doing it because that it who you are or who you want to be. Then, it takes the pressure off.
😃😝🤓
@tryingtosurvive2024
You are not a loser.
And, in my experience, anybody who complains about others being "attention seeking" are missing the point. Perhaps they have never experienced a lack, or perhaps they want to feel more powerful by bring you down, but it's just another form of victim blaming.
We don't criticize people as being "food-seeking" or "oxygen-seeking". We think that it's okay to seek romance, fulfilment, career advancement, etc. But somehow, folks try to make us feel that the fundamental need for attention and connection is somehow different, and we shouldn't want it or seek it out. How does that make sense?
Respect your own needs. Try to understand and respect others, but not at your own expense. One of my hardest and most important lessons is "Everyone else is just as important as you **but you are as important as everyone else**."
@RobinGoodfella I'm with you, I don't understand why people act like it is wrong to seek romance and love. I remember 2 years ago I was on a Christian Chat Forum. They had places for people to talk about being single etc. And yet there was always some people on there to remind me "This is not a dating site." Yet there was another guy I met who shared how He met his wife there.
I understand that the website wasn't geared for dating like a dating app is. But what is wrong with people seeking love on other places besides the blessed dating site? I don't get it. Back when social networking was a new thing, I had several women who met their husbands on those sites. They were not dating sites either. (((shrugs))) The way some people think online is weird sometimes.