I don't feel understood
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I am not a new member, but this is my first time posting publicly. In the two years I've been here, I've spoken with many listeners, and I can say that very few seem to truly understand what I’m saying. This isn’t necessarily their fault, as my depression is quite severe, and my way of thinking tends to be extreme (black-and-white)
I just feel huge disappointment because even those who initially seem to understand, eventually start talking to me about hope and saying things like "everything will be fine," without basing it on anything concrete. I understand that many people need to hear exactly that, and it’s said with 100% good intentions, but to me it feels like toxic positivity and it’s triggering. If there were signs that there is hope for my situation to improve, I would have hope. And if there was an obvious solution to my problems, I would have already tried it (as I have).
I’m not asking anyone to understand me under pressure, as that’s impossible. Only someone with similar experiences or a mindset like mine could do so. But I keep searching and can’t find anyone...
I apologize if I sound critical.
Thank you for reading.
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@RandomHuman001 I agree
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@RandomHuman001
The only one who truly understands you is the closest one to you. This is the one who is within you. Other people are just distant images in comparison.
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@RandomHuman001 As I turn the pages of life, sometimes words emerge that uncover the stories hidden deep inside me. These are the stories that are not shared with anyone, nor do they find their way to my lips. But inside, in some corner of my heart, these stories shout, cry out, and demand answers.
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Although I might not understand how you feel, I completely understand what you mean. I have been dealing with depression (severe depression mostly) for more than 2 years now and I know it can be frustrating talking with people that don't quite understand what we are going through.
I still have hope though! Therapy encourages me to see victory in the tiniest things and keep hope alive inside of me. If you wanna talk, I'm always open.
@uselessfat
For me the most frustrating thing is when I don't feel understood even by people who have depression. I look around and see even the most severe cases preserving some hope (thankfully), while I don't have any. I feel like an alien.
I think there is no way for members to chat with each other here, but thank you.
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@RandomHuman001 there is a way for members to chat with each other, in the pen pal section. you make a "chat" post
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Well...do you want to have hope? You have to really want it. And I honestly believe you are overlooking some things in your life to believe that there is no hope for you. Either that, or you just don't want to because you don't believe in It, which is a philosophy I don't understand, but...it exists.
Either way, for me to try to get into this any deeper I think we would have to talk a lot more.
I hope you find what you are looking for 🤍
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@RandomHuman001 You are entitled to your feelings. They are valued.
As for the black and white thinking, do you feel like, it might be getting in the way for you?
I am thinking, that for some, that the way they think about things can play a role, in how people understand others.
I am not saying your like this.
But it is something to ponder and think about.
@calmMango9611
I'm not sure I understand your question. Of course my way of thinking affects communication and relationships with others because this is who I am. I don't know how others define terms like self, consciousness, soul etc., but for me it's quite clear that everything begins and ends with the mind and the thoughts it produces. I've been told that I need to change my mindset several times (but without changing myself) and honestly, I find this so contradictory. My mindset and views on the world are my identity. Changing them entails an alive death. It might happen one day naturally, but I think it's unfair that I have to FORCE it because otherwise I'll be eternally marginalised.
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@RandomHuman001 Ok. Thanks for answering the question. I am sorry you did not understand the question.
I looked back at my response, and I should have phrased the question differently. I am sorry for this.
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@RandomHuman001 Thank you for sharing this it takes a lot of strength to articulate feelings as complex as yours, especially when it feels like others might not fully grasp them. I understand how frustrating it can be when responses, though well-meaning, don’t resonate with the depth of what you're experiencing. It’s not about dismissing their intentions but about longing for understanding on a level that feels real and not superficial.
Your insight into your own emotions and thought patterns shows incredible self-awareness. Black-and-white thinking and severe depression can make the world feel like it’s closing in, and it’s exhausting to constantly explain yourself to others who may not fully relate.
I can’t claim to have all the answers, but I did write an e-book called "The Silence" where I shared my own journey through some of life’s darkest and most isolating moments. It’s not a clinical guide or polished advice just raw, real experiences and the small, imperfect steps I took to cope and rebuild. I also talk about methods that helped me understand my own mind better, without leaning on empty reassurances.
The book isn’t priced as a professional product. It’s simply a way for me to share my story and connect with others who might feel unseen or unheard. If it feels like something that could help, you can find it here: The Silence.
I hope you find a way to feel truly understood whether through connection with someone who shares a similar mindset, or simply through recognizing that your perspective, even if different, is valid and worthy of care. You deserve to be heard, without judgment or oversimplification.
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@RandomHuman001
I do understand what you feel, maybe thats how every depressed person would feel but going on looking for some person who would understand or searching for such person for what you want will completely act as fuel to your fire. As I'm no one to guide you but would say that stop searching for someone instead make new connections and not just depend on any one specific person.
Thankyou,
Apologizing if said anything wrong.
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Depression is tricky and stagnating. Not many people would have a first hand understanding of it. Sometimes when people try to help, they forget the depth of sorrow and voidness the other person is going through.
Despite this, the sun does shine through provided some conditions can be met by the person who is suffering.
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Hello there, @RandomHuman001 !
I myself do not post in the forum very much either, but I had just finished a chat request and your message randomly caught my eye. You do not, and you should not, apologize for your words!
The big problem in interactions between Members and Listeners here is that you never know what you're going to get. Some people are actually professionals (in my case, for example, I have almost 20 years of experience in Psychology), while others may even have their heart in the right place, but not the complete training required to handle all situations - even I can openly admit I sometimes struggle with cases related to cults or sexual abuse!
What you say, in this context, is indeed a problem and a significant one at that. Nobody should be making you promises of any sort, because such things are too often dismissive of the real problem the person is facing. My own patients in real life hate hearing that kind of thing, because it makes them think "oh, everything is going to be alright? And when's that, precisely? Why hasn't it come yet? Am I the one to blame, when others repeatedly tell me everything is going to be alright?" Instead, if people want to truly be able to listen to you, and understand your personal experience and its nuances, they should try to place themselves in your proverbial shoes and realize that blank statements not only do not help, but may even harm. So, if one such listener reads this message of mine, please stop doing that, don't make promises, it never helps!
Unfortunately, I cannot take your case myself - I take very few users nowadays, and all of them as randomly selected requests at very random times - but let's hope someone experienced sees your message and contacts you, okay? 😉
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@RandomHuman001I can totally understand. As someone with severe trauma, I do get what it is being hopeless.