Currently I think I am a Bad Christian
Currently I think I am a Bad Christian.
I have spent a lot of years trying to figure out what is wrong with me and how to fix it. But I never figure it out.
I know that I am not perfect. I know that I probably have some sin in me. Yet I'm not doing anything majorly bad. The sin I refer too is what is inside, not so much what I have done on the outside.
I talk to Jesus about this stuff all the time. But I don't have a Church community to help me. I get jealous of those that do! When I see people successfully moving forward with their walk with the Lord, with the help of Church community. I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me? Why did Jesus, allow this to happen to me? How come I got to be so different? Did I do something wrong?
These thoughts have been making me sick, lately.
@tryingtosurvive2024 Hey there. You questioning your faith and if God truly cares about you or not really shows how big a heart you have. I get it friend. You're not wrong. Faith is on the move. You're in a difficult moment. We all go through this from one point to another. Search for those answers. Trust God. It doesn't have to make sense, but He's there and He loves you always.
@WellsFiction One of the reasons why I question my faith is that I see other Christians behaving in a very positive way. Some of them seem to be very sure of themselves and act like God is good all the time. They make me jealous, and I wonder if they ever go through the issues I'm going through. After that things often snowball. For example how do you get saved? I asked Jesus into my heart. But what if I believed on Him for wrong motives. One big problem I see with people, is that they are selfish. I'm selfish too, and maybe even more selfish. For example, I want Jesus to keep me out of ***. Nothing wrong with wanting to go to heaven, a good place verses a bad place when I die. But the problem is, one must also love Jesus. Really love Jesus. Not just for what He can do for me.
I go back and examine my journey with the Lord to see where I might have gone wrong. Do you ever do that?
@tryingtosurvive2024 Hmm. That's an interesting perspective. Sometimes if I'm questioning I ask myself does this represent God or not? I read from the Bible, searching for the answers I seek. I also remind myself I'm only human. Everyone fails, including followers of Christ. Instead of denying my failure or fears I try my best to give it to God and allow Him to move me if that makes sense. There will always be those people who think no matter what they do they're right or ok even if they have done something wrong. I call them modern day pharisees. All of our journey's through life are different and unique, yet we all connect through God aka the creator of the entire universe :)
@WellsFiction Thank you for your comments, and allowing me to share my thoughts. I agree that the Bible does give us some answers, but many times it doesn't. Job didn't know why He was suffering. God didn't tell Him. Apparently by the time Job wrote the book of Job, God told Him. My problem with looking for answers in the Bible is that people take Bible verses out of context a lot, and come up with meanings that might not really work the way God intended. Bad theology can be the result. Why do we have so many different Church denominations? Part of the reason is they read the Bible differently, and have different ideas about the meaning, and what is the most important things to build a Church around. When you get enough people agreeing with same views, then you got a congregation in group that excludes other believers who happen to think a little different about the same scriptures. We shouldn't be making in groups like this. We should be trying our best to figure out what God means by what He says, and align ourselves with that. That I think requires a lot of prayer, humility and willingness to learn.
@tryingtosurvive2024 You're welcomed. Don't be afraid to ask questions. God will reveal the answers to you in time. Be blessed, friend :)
Hey @tryingtosurvive2024, I relate to you with a lot of what you said, especially with feeling alone without a supportive spiritual community and having thoughts of not having good enough faith. Although, I believe do believe in the love that my Lord and savior Jesus Christ gives me unconditionally without me doing anything because I need him.
Though, idk if you heard of religious scrupulosity, mostly associated with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), though I'm not expert in it, but am someone who has been diagnosed with OCD and has religious scrupulosity with it. You can check it out to understand it better explained on websites such as the IOCDF (international OCD foundation) or NOCD.
I recommend watching some videos from Mark Dejesus, who is a pastor who has experience with OCD and religious scrupulosity, he gives helpful advice on his YouTube channel on learning to live and grow in faith and love through compassion and grace from God's love instead of focusing on the condemnation part that causes much anxiety.
Also, there are some videos as well that may be relatable, at least to know your not alone in how you feel or relate from the IOCDF (international OCD foundation) involving the topics of religious scrupulosity from their faith and OCD webinars on YouTube.
I don't think you need to have OCD or a diagnosis to relate to these as well, though I don't want to give advice that I'm not qualified to give but thought I would share some of these resources.
@tryingtosurvive2024
Hey, I just want to remind you that we all go through struggles and feel lost at times. You're not alone in this, and your journey is unique to you. Keep talking to God, and trust that He’s guiding you even when it doesn’t feel clear. Surah Al-Inshirah (94:5-6): "For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease." Stay strong, my friend—better days are ahead!"
