problems trusting same-sex friends after childhood abuse
hi all,
i'm still not quite ready to talk about everything that happened to me when i was a kid, but i did experience peer-on-peer same sex abuse as well as bullying. throughout my adult life i've been unable to make meaningful friend connections with other women/girls.
i wonder if anyone else has experienced this?
i find i just can't bring myself to trust other women/girls not to hurt me. but often the male friends i've had want to take it to a sexual relationship, which i don't want either. i've formed superficial bonds with other women, but i can't confide in someone i don't trust.
so now i'm just lonely. really, really lonely.
I'm sorry for what happened to you. From personal experience I know how hard it can be to trust someone after being abused. I empathize with your pain and loneliness and I hope you feel better soon. It was brave of you to post here and it shows your strength which is truly admirable. Lots of love, hugs and all the support you need. <3
PS: I'm a woman.
@amel47enna thank you amel. it made me feel very vulnerable posting this. it's only the second time i've ever put a name to what happened to me. even though it happen over 2 decades ago, those experiences have been on my mind of late as i try to make friends now.
@falconer42
I'm sure it must be very painful. But, the courage you portray is incredible. This is not just me saying it to make you feel better, it's the truth. I'm a survivor myself, yet to make my way to safety and so I can relate. Stay strong, you're a beautiful person. Lots of love.
@amel47enna i'm still pretty new here, but i was looking for a place to kind of talk about it. or at least find others who'd experienced similar things. people talk about sexual abuse disturbing your "love map." but for me, it's disturbed my "friendship map." i don't like to be touched or hugged by people i'm friendly with (virtual hugs seem to be okay), because it makes me remember, and makes me anxious even when i'm not consciously reliving the experiences. i'm trying to be brave and make connections, and allow myself to be open and honest with other women. but it's really scary. so thanks for the support!
@falconer42
We are all here for you, no matter what.
@falconer42 and @amel47enna
I am so glad that you are both talking and sharing in your experiences. Your experiences make you unique and you can lean on one another as members as you go through life. And you have me, always.
Keep well guys.
I want to say that you are strong for posting this as it is very hard to talk about these things. It is very understandable that it difficult for you to trust the same sex because of your experience. I want you to know that you are not alone and there are many other people who feel this way.. I hope all is well 
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I, too, was sexually abused by someone of the same sex. I hope everything goes well for you, and I hope that this never happens to you again. Safe hugs, if okay. <3
@beethebuzz it's good to find others who have experienced this, i think. i'm trying to negotiate the intense desire to keep this from happening again with my own feelings of loneliness. i try to tell myself, i am an adult now, not the defenseless child i was, and i control what happens to me. but the defenseless child is still there, and her fear is so contagious.
@falconer42
Remember that we are here for you. Always.