minimizing what happened to md
I have a bad habit of minimizing what happened to me whenever I’m feeling upset about it. I just feel so stupid for still being affected by this 3.5 entire years after it happened. And then I start thinking, it wasn’t even that bad, so many people had it worse, it couldn’t have been that bad because he convinced me to say yes and I didn’t fight back, I asked for it. I know I’m “not supposed to” think those things, but I just get so mad at myself for still having flashbacks, and I feel like such a fraud for even calling it sexual abuse because I thought what was happening was perfectly ok at the time. and even though obviously being groomed wasn’t ok, it still isn’t as bad as what some people experience. It sounds fucked up to say, but I sometimes feel like I’m choosing to still be traumatized just because I like to pity myself, when in reality there’s no reason I shouldn’t be completely over it by now. I know I shouldn’t engage with those thoughts and blame myself, but I still feel them.
@strangelilegg I think we maybe try to minimize what we went through so it doesn't feel as painful. We do it to maybe justify what we went through. We compare our trauma to others and tell ourselves it wasn't as bad as theirs to minimize what we went through. For the time being it makes it alittle less painful for us. The problem with this is that we're kind of denying ourselves healing. Grooming can be really hard to deal with. Because it leads us to believe it's ok. It can be so subtle - that even though we eventually see it for what it was our minds just have a hard time working through it
I'm sorry you're dealing with flashbacks. They're hard to deal with and it can get frustrating when they keep happening
I don't think you're choosing to still be traumatized - you need to heal. Your mind is still trying to make sense of what you went through. Minimizing and denying might push it away or tuck it away for alittle while but it will continue to resurface. Have you thought about a therapist? They could help you work through what you've been through. Even talking about it with someone can help. Please don't minimize what you went through - none of it was your fault. Noone asks to be abused or assaulted
Try to be patient with yourself. Try to be gentle with your thoughts and allow yourself to talk about your experience without comparing
You're don't have to go through this alone ❤️
Hey can we chat
(TW for descriptions of SA)
I tend to do the same. I was sexually assaulted but not raped or forced and so it feels like I shouldn't be having such a hard time with what happened. I feel confused almost always because I dont know whether to believe what I'm feeling or say im overreacting. It's hard to remember what happened cause I was drunk; even if I wrote it down there's still missing pieces from that night. but the parts that stuck are the worse parts so naturally I'm having a hard time with it.
Basically i'm trying to say that I understand where you're coming from and how almost annoyingly difficult the aftermath can be. I often feel sad, lonely, angry that he didn't ask me for consent first, he assumed that asking for things like kissing or taking off clothes meant he could go further. it's a very taxing process on our minds. Have you tried things like self care or therapy? I've found those help me some to work through it and take care of myself when I'm struggling.
I hope we can both try and work through the pain and heal eventually. You're so strong for dealing with this. You're not alone.