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strangelilegg
322 M Embraced 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts43 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceOctober 1, 2022
Recent forum posts
projecting onto situations where I’msafe
Trauma Support / by strangelilegg
Last post
 February 22nd, 2023
...See more sometimes when I get into flashback mode and the guy I’m seeing does something only moderately annoying but that kinda reminds me of the past, I start projecting my past abuse onto him. Literally nothing is wrong, but then I start getting angry at him for tiny things and I can tell it’s really about the abuse that someone else put me through. idk what to do with myself. I always get so panicky I can’t even function whenever it seems like something is off, even for a dumb reason. I just need it to be fun and positive again so I know I’m not going to get hurt. I think I’m just used to feeling like if I don’t read someone’s mind and do things perfectly I’m going to be yelled at. Or if someone needs to go away or stop hanging out for some reason, they must be doing it to control me or punish me and they won’t come back. it just drives me crazy because then when I start trying to rationalize with myself and try to remember I’m just projecting, I just put my guard up again and get more freaked out because then I get worried that there actually is a red flag and I’m just missing it again . I don’t know how to stop it
feeling uncomfortable in my own body
Trauma Support / by strangelilegg
Last post
 October 22nd, 2022
...See more I was sexually abused as a senior in high school and then had a hypersexual phase my first two years of college before I processed what had happened. Ever since I actually unpacked what happened to me and came to terms with it, I’ve been disgusted by sex and my own body, which is really abnormal for me. This is literally so dumb and TMI, but I have a yeast infection rn and I’m really struggling with having to look at myself and take care of it 🙃 just needed to vent lol
tension with best friend
Relationship Stress / by strangelilegg
Last post
 October 6th, 2022
...See more so my best friend and I used to date a couple years ago but split up because it just wasn’t the right time and we wanted to focus on ourselves. we stayed best friends and recently have been growing a lot closer again, to the point where we have some romantic tension. we hang out all the time, we FaceTime most nights, and he even spends the night at my place, sleeps in my bed with me, and cuddles with me. We also will kinda flirt with each other and give each other kinda sexual compliments and stuff. I don’t want to date anyone right now, so I’m perfectly ok with where we’re at and just enjoying being with each other and doing what feels right, but I do acknowledge that there are plenty of things that aren’t platonic. The thing is, he just said a couple weeks ago “you already know my boundaries, I like platonic but we can hype each other up.” But his actions and comments absolutely haven’t been platonic at all? I trust him and know he’s a kind, caring person who is mindful to never take advantage of anyone, but I’m just worried that none of those things meant anything and he was just horny and I happened to be convenient :(
minimizing what happened to md
Trauma Support / by strangelilegg
Last post
 October 8th, 2022
...See more I have a bad habit of minimizing what happened to me whenever I’m feeling upset about it. I just feel so stupid for still being affected by this 3.5 entire years after it happened. And then I start thinking, it wasn’t even that bad, so many people had it worse, it couldn’t have been that bad because he convinced me to say yes and I didn’t fight back, I asked for it. I know I’m “not supposed to” think those things, but I just get so mad at myself for still having flashbacks, and I feel like such a fraud for even calling it sexual abuse because I thought what was happening was perfectly ok at the time. and even though obviously being groomed wasn’t ok, it still isn’t as bad as what some people experience. It sounds fucked up to say, but I sometimes feel like I’m choosing to still be traumatized just because I like to pity myself, when in reality there’s no reason I shouldn’t be completely over it by now. I know I shouldn’t engage with those thoughts and blame myself, but I still feel them.
anxious about driving after accident
Anxiety Support / by strangelilegg
Last post
 October 3rd, 2022
...See more I have panic disorder and already experienced a lot of paranoia around driving, but it was never debilitating. Now I just got into a car accident for the first time (no one involved was hurt at all, but my car was) and I’m terrified to drive now. I was making a left turn, and the only car approaching was a safe distance away, but he was distracted and speeding and ended up slamming into my drivers side head on without ever slowing down. I feel so stupid for being this anxious because I wasn’t even hurt, my car just got a little smashed in the front. But when it happened, I genuinely was nervous I was about to be seriously injured or wouldn’t make it out alive. Now that I know what it’s like to experience that, I can’t stop worrying about it, especially because it was the other driver’s mistake.
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