Was I sexually abused?
So, for context, my boyfriend (who I now know is narcissist) recently broke up with me, and after talking to some of his other exes for closure, some troubling things have come to light. He's a pathological liar, pathological cheater, and he's sexually abused many girls. I never had any idea of any of this because he made crazy, outlandish stories about his exes & made me block them all when we first started dating.
Anyway, I'm still struggling to figure out if what I experienced was sexual abuse or not. For me personally, he recorded me doing sexual acts without my knowledge or consent, he "surprised" me with new sexual acts we hadn't discussed to be "spontaneous", he physically hurt me several times during sexual activity, and he often tried to penetrate me and/or finish in me even though I told him multiple times I wasn't ready for that yet. (I was a virgin when we started dating for clarification. I guess I still technically am since we never went ALL all the way? It's confusing) While I know this definitely sounds like sexual abuse, the reason I'm so confused is because I didn't stop it. While I was manipulated into doing a lot of things I wasn't ready for, he also would stop what he was doing if I pushed him away or physically stopped him, I just... DIDN'T sometimes.