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agreeablepotato
396 M Embraced 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2020 Member sinceMay 17, 2020
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I repressed memories of my rape for 4 years
Trauma Support / by agreeablepotato
Last post
 May 19th, 2020
...See more I was 18 when this began (I'm 24 now). I met this guy in college. He was my first boyfriend and I was such an innocent person. I've heard of many red flags in men, but sexual abuse was always covered as "that's just how men are". So when I started in this relationship and the guy started touching my chest without asking me, I felt uncomfortable, let him know, he said "I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable" but tried again without asking a couple of days (or weeks?) later. As we had more time together, things became more aggressive: He insisted on seeing me naked even though I said no a million times, until I let him see me. He insisted (always insisted for every step) until I said yes. But when it came to sex, I really didn't want to do it. Without asking me, he tried to penetrate me. I confronted him and he apologized but said "we've been together for a year now. Everyone does it, I love you. I don't understand why you don't want to!" And then, for a year, we fought about it almost every time we met. Until I agreed to doing it just to make him shut up. While on the act, I asked him to stop and he said "Let me finish first" and well... There are more stories, but some have come to me after 4 years and I'm so traumatized, penetration (even with fingers) scares me. Good thing, I found a partner who understands now. He's not forcing me to do anything and is willing to wait until I feel comfortable with these things. I feel I can heal in peace but don't know how to start.
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