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Was I sexually abused?
forestfaoladh June 30th, 2020
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So, for context, my boyfriend (who I now know is narcissist) recently broke up with me, and after talking to some of his other exes for closure, some troubling things have come to light. He's a pathological liar, pathological cheater, and he's sexually abused many girls. I never had any idea of any of this because he made crazy, outlandish stories about his exes & made me block them all when we first started dating.

Anyway, I'm still struggling to figure out if what I experienced was sexual abuse or not. For me personally, he recorded me doing sexual acts without my knowledge or consent, he "surprised" me with new sexual acts we hadn't discussed to be "spontaneous", he physically hurt me several times during sexual activity, and he often tried to penetrate me and/or finish in me even though I told him multiple times I wasn't ready for that yet. (I was a virgin when we started dating for clarification. I guess I still technically am since we never went ALL all the way? It's confusing) While I know this definitely sounds like sexual abuse, the reason I'm so confused is because I didn't stop it. While I was manipulated into doing a lot of things I wasn't ready for, he also would stop what he was doing if I pushed him away or physically stopped him, I just... DIDN'T sometimes.

5
agreeablepotato July 2nd, 2020
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@forestfaoladh I'm sorry you went through this. Yes, this sounds like abuse to me, as I experienced something very similar, also being a virgin, so I really know where you're coming from. Know that you're not alone ❤️ And I hope you get all the help you need ❤️

DangerMaus July 1st, 2020
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@forestfaoladh

This is really tough to think about you and I'm sorry that you are looking back on your experiences and feeling that you might have been abused. I can't really label the experience for you, but I will say that it set off some red flags. The first thing you said is that he took images of you without your consent. Consent is an important part of any sexual relationship, so he took away your ability to say yes or no. Also you said that you felt like he manipulated you many times, so how did that make you feel? He also was also rough with you a number of times, did he care about your comfort?

You must not be feeling great about this. It seems like your ex was more interested in his selfish needs, than in how you felt. From my end, it almost feels like you didn't matter. And as I read your post, I felt very angry that you were treated that way. I felt bad, because this should have been amore enjoyable experience for you. If this wasn't abuse, what was it?

Again, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Make sure you plenty of support and it might take you time to grasp the entire situation. Stay strong!

MAUS

forestfaoladh OP July 1st, 2020
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@DangerMaus

Thank you for your support, I appreciate it more than you know. I decided to get professional help over the whole matter because I'm now having nearly every symptom of PTSD. I'm hoping I can eventually heal and learn to love & trust again because I did enjoy the comfort of being in love, even if the person I loved didn't really exist. I seem to have a pattern of attracting narcissistic abusers (I've now dealt with 3 in a full year, this one was the worst though) so I'm hoping maybe my therapist can pinpoint why that is.

Thanks again for your reply, it helped me realize some hard truths I need to accept about what I went through & it helped me make the final push to get professional therapy

DangerMaus July 1st, 2020
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@forestfaoladh

You are very brave, good luck! heart

smile103 July 1st, 2020
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Yes, I agree this definetly counts as abuse. Good luck seeking help!

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