Twisted irony
Tw pedo, sexual abuse
I’ve been used sexually for a long time by different people. My parents sexualize me especially my dad who is creepy. From as young as I can remember people have touched me. Although ik this is my brains way of surviving I like it now. Being seen and used as an object. It’s become a kink. Like genuinely rape kink. I hate it. Even pedofilia and being used by someone older than me part of me likes. It’s horrible I don’t want this. I swear I don’t like it or condone it but ever since I was in elementary school the idea made me feel things. I used to search for these kinds of people, they made me feel wanted, attractive and loved. I feel horrible about it, guilty. Does anyone have any experience with this or know how to deal with it? I just hope I’m not alone
@Finny17
Hello, thanks for having the courage to post your truth. I am proud of your strength and that you have to suffer through this for a while. Trauma has a way of altering the way that our brains receive and process info. The fact that this began so young, it is very understandable that you have been unable to process what is or is not healthy. This is not your fault it is the fault of the adults that were supposed to protect and care for you. My suggestion would be to seek a professional. You by no means are alone in this. We are here to support you as much as we can.
Thank you for your post❤️
@Finny17
hey, I am soo sorry u had to go through all that, and i just wanted to say that u r not alone, I do also have similar thoughts very similar but idk if i should say it, i might get banned here but just keep in mind u are not alone i have read multiple people who were victims and then ended up feeling the way u r feeling soo ur feelings are totally valid, even if u were the sole person to think this way, then also ur feelings would have been valid.
I hope knowing that i also somewhat think like that makes u feel a bit of peace :)
I have never had the courage to talk about this to anyone (except my favorite and only listener) u are sooo brave for posting and talking about it PROUD, and also i dont want to trigger u soo i wont be sharing my storyy, but i hope this helped, byeee, take careeee
@neonCup1635
😭 you have no idea how much it helps to not feel alone with this. These replies have been making me cry (in a good way). I haven’t found many people who feel the same way irl that is if I even talk about it so thank you. Knowing I’m not alone helps me feel less guilty for the feelings I have because it means I’m not crazy
@Finny17
*sorry for the late reply*
God nooo u are not crazyy, neverr. I am just soo happy i am able to help in anyway possible, i am sure one day u will be able feel the way u want to feel (happyyyyy). I am happy u dont feel lonely now.
And heres a beautiful qoute i read and wanted to share with you (about anxiety)
“If you have butterflies in your stomach, invite them to your heart”
hope this helpss!!!
@Finny17 You are not alone. I’ve thought a lot for a long time about why I had these feelings. For me I think it was a way of taking my power back with sex and over the bad experiences. Like it became my choice in similar situations. Do you think that might be true for you too?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
i think for me I never really got to heal, I never got to cry or get help and I think that’s part of what draws me in. The aftercare, being able to process what happened and not be alone with it. Ik some people use it to take their power back but for me it’s almost therapeutic, I get to recover and process things with love and support after the act with a supportive partner. I get to grieve and part of me craves to be able to heal and have someone take care of me afterwards. I actually never told anyone what happened, I kept it all in and with this I can feel and not be alone.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
i am working on finding some things that bring me joy, I tend to throw myself at homework and I’m technically a full time college student while still in my senior year of highschool so it’s a lot. I’m working on enjoying myself tho, just loving myself and doing things I enjoy that isn’t just mindlessly watching tv or doing hw. It’s surprisingly difficult but I’m trying
@Finny17 That really is a lot. I commend you for doing such hard work for yourself, both academically and in self-care. The little things add up in the long run. I think it’s great too that you’re talking things out. You’re doing great!
@Finny17
hello, I don’t know if this helps, but I just wanted to say that our brain process things in ways we sometimes can’t understand, this process isn’t a conscious decision (since it takes part in a different part of our brain) and just because your brain implicitly decided on how to respond certain thing doesn’t mean you like it or condone it, and it doesn’t represent your thoughts, personality or values. Although I do not share the same experience, my heart goes out to you and I hope you find a way to heal that suits you. Take care!
@Finny17 se quiser conversar eu estou aqui, passei por algo consideravelmente pareçido