Trying to cope better: trigger warning

@pencilmarks

I was very moved by your life story.

You are absolutely right. Some things in life in this real world are totally unjust and unacceptable. The things you mention are totally, absolutely unacceptable.

Coping is applying a set of therapeutic techniques to live the best we can with the consequences of things that happened to ourselves, for example, because we had the immense bad luck of having been cruelly mistreated as small children.

Maybe "acceptance" could be understood in the sense of recognizing and coming to terms with the fact that those are the cards we were given, and our challenge is playing the best we can with these cards. Our merit, and the measure of our success in life, is how well we play these cards, even if they are very, very bad.

Also, appreciate that we are valuable, even sacred beings. We deserve respect, care, love, and to live in peace.

We hope that through therapy, coping techniques, making significant connections like those possible in this caring, humane community, we can improve significantly from our base situation, and enjoy moments of peace and happiness.

If you want to express your feelings and further discuss these issues in a 1-to-1 chat, as a Listener I offer to arrange for a chat. I can accommodate any day and time you wish. Just leave me a message with your preferred day and time (in EST timezone).

You can reach me here: https://www.7cups.com/@WelcomeToChat

I wish you all the best and hope to stay in touch with you in the near future.

Marcelo.

@pencilmarks

Iris, I dont' know how to accept this at all. I wish I did. This is a hard situation with all the videos still out there. All of our sexual and physical abuse was before videos were created.

Please keep sharing with us.

@pencilmarks

I can imagine the overwhelming feeling of responsibility while taking care of such a difficult situation.

It must be frustrating trying all the grounding techniques, without results. There are many, many grounding techniques that bring you to the present, from biting a peppercorn, to dancing like crazy to very loud music, to cold showers... You could even experiment and devise your own, and compile a checklist to see if some are effective to you.

Maybe you could also try to find some substitute for self-harm, seek another way to stop painful thoughts. Like making a phone call to your therapist, a friend, participating in the 7Cups Support Room 24/7, or even calling a self-harm prevention hotline: US Lifeline number: 1-800-273-8255 International list HERE Note that these hotlines don't take only suicidal thought,s but any serious emotional crisis.

There is also an emotional crisis texting counselor 24/7 service in the US: link HERE

I wish you all the best,

Marcelo.

@pencilmarks Hello Daisy, 🙂 it's nice to meet you! I got my name the same way, I've been told I can change it if I want but I'm not sure yet. It's something I need to think about. Maybe it's an option for you too?

@pencilmarks I'm Beau btw! Guess it helps to introduce myself! 🙂

@pencilmarks

Hi Daisy !

I am glad to see you again.

You are right. Everything will be OK.

You have already walked a long, long path, with much effort, and you are much, much better now.

Now you are safe.

You know the methods to cope.

You have a support network.

You are very intelligent and at the same time, sensitive and creative.

All those are fundamental and solid bases to continue growing.

That's why everything will be OK.

Rest assured of that.

You can count on me for anything, any day, any time, You can message me from HERE

I wish you all the best in the world.

You deserve it.

Marcelo.

@Amelia2324

Thank you. One of our parts said that its safe to speak and share. And with our therapist too. But another part doesn't like it so much, she is very overprotective. I did alot of painting today. I'm not sure why humans hurt others too. It does hurt that videos can still be there. But everything will be ok, don't lose hope. Thank you <3<3

-Daisy

@pencilmarks

Dear Deisy

I can relate to some things. I hope you understand that all the things you did were not your fault. You're the less guilty person here. You and all the other parts of you are innocent. You and all the other parts of you are precious.

The things they made to you have not forgiveness. Yet, you're safe now. You're here and you're safe. You're tremendously strong. You're the strongest person I've ever met and, even if we have never met and I'm a stranger to you, I'm so proud of you. You're an inspiration to other people including me.

You're strong, you're beautiful and you can keep going. I don't know if you'd be comfortable with it but I'd like to give you a hug.

Have a great day 💖

@pencilmarks

Dear Daisy:

I am very sorry for the feelings of shame, guilt and fear you have. It is very unjust that you feel that, because what caused it was not your fault.

You did what was necessary to survive. You were at great risk in a very dangerous environment. But you survived. That is a great achievement. You should feel proud of surviving such a situation. You are here, now, real and present, thanks to surviving.

All of us can feel shame, guilt and fear for things that happened to us that are not our fault. It is very unjust that we feel so bad for things that were not our decision or intention. But that is how we are made. That is how our brain works.

For example, if someone, anyone, even the happiest person, is walking on the street and is attacked by a criminal, at random, out of bad luck, and is humiliated, this person, that did not feel anything in particular before the attack, after that event will feel shame because was humiliated, will feel guilt because accepted the humiliation and did not impede the attack, and will feel fear of strangers and of being again in the street.

So will feel shame, guilt and fear because of an event that did not have any responsibility for. That was imposed by an external force, the attacker. By pure bad luck.

Shame, guilt and fear will stay with him for a long time after the event.

This is unjust. The world is unjust. Some people have very bad luck. They get the worst cards to play with in the game of life.

You are playing very well with the cards you got. You are winning at your own game.

You are learning that you do not deserve to feel shame and guilt. That you should feel proud of yourself. That you can have moments of happiness.

You have hope that it will be all OK.

All this is marvelous. You are on the right track, moving forward at a good pace in your life journey to heal those wounds, feel better and enjoy life.

Be patient. You are on the right path. Just keep muving forward at your own pace.

Even if you sometimes feel shame of yourself because of those wicked effects of your trauma, here in In 7 Cups we all love you, we respect you, we care for you, and we think you are the most valuable being in the Universe.

This is not an exaggeration. We really do.

I hope that sharing you thoughts and feelings in 7 Cups helps you move from shame to pride for yourself, helps you have more moments of happiness, and that you absorb and make yours the view we all have of you, that you are a wonderful, valuable and lovable person.

Please, give my best wishes to Ann and Iris.

And to you, I feel so proud of you, that you have the courage to front and share here your thoughts and feelings.

I wish you all the best of lucks that you can continue moving forward.

I hope we continue exchanging messages. It makes me feel very well to communicate with you.

All the best, Daisy !

Marcelo.

@Amelia2324

Yes Marcelo seems very nice to everyone <3 I'm so glad to meet with you and the other parts present here now. I'm so glad to meet all of you. You sound really brave and are so nice and kind <3 Yes it is very scary to come out and I'm afraid that they'll find us again and make me do bad things. I hear you that it can be very scary for all of you to come out. You do deserve being heard and your feelings are validated. You deserve to talk about anything that you feel comfortable with and to feel understood <3 Amy is very brave and kind too. I think it's ok to not be ready to come out alone yet. I sometimes have other parts with me too because I get scared and our headspace is safe for me. You all are very very very brave because this is very brave to come out even with Amy. You've been so kind to us too. And you all deserve all the kindness in the world. I'll be here for all of you, if that's ok to say. You all are brave and I'm very proud of you to come out with Amy <3<3<3

-Daisy

@pencilmarks

Safe Hugs Daisy. Hope it gets easier

@pencilmarks

Dear Daisy:

Thank you for your kind words about me.

I also appreciate you very much.

Regarding that situation that made you feel bad in therapy, there are various possible reasons.

On one hand, therapists can make mistakes that hurt us, without bad intentions. They are like all people, anybody can make a mistake. For example saying something very triggering, that they didn't know was so triggering for us.

On the other hand, sometimes the therapist will intentionally talk and make questions about very sad things in our lives. This will make us feel bad. Sometimes very, very bad. But it is a part of the therapy, and her goal is to help heal us, not to hurt us.

If your therapist is good and helpful, you can forgive her mistakes, and trust her when she says and asks about sad things that make you feel bad but are necessary for the therapy.

I am glad that you could get over that bad situation and feel well.

Also that you are getting to know better the other parts. This is very, very good !

It is very important that you know the other parts and they know you. So you are advancing well on the most important things.

Congratulations on your courage to be at the front, and for your improvement in knowing the other parts !

These are very good things !

It makes me happy that you are doing these important improvements in your life.

I wish you all the best !

Marcelo.

@pencilmarks

Dear Ann, Daisy and Iris:

I am very sorry for all that happened to you. Life is so unjust. You had the very bad luck of been born in a terrible place, from very bad people. I imagine that knowing that your parents were bad must be very sad.

You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't deserve any of the horrible punishments you suffered. You deserved love and care, like any child. Love and care is a natural law and a children's right. Children don't have to do anything special to deserve care and love. It's their right and the law of nature.

Most people that have babies are good people. But, unfortunately, there are also very cruel people that have babies, and hurt them instead of caring for them. Caring for a child is the natural thing a parent must do. Hurting a child is pure irrational cruelty. It doesn't have any explanation. There was nothing wrong with you to deserve such horrible things. You didn't do anything wrong.

You are wonderful angels, struggling with a terrible past. Always keep in mind that you are, and have always been, wonderful angels. Never forget this.

You are also very courageous to share your innermost thoughts and feelings here. Posting and chatting in a safe environment like 7 Cups helps train yourselves in interacting with people.

You are very active in 7 Cups, and this is a very positive and useful thing, to make online social and emotional bonds, and to become more confident with social interactions in general.

You are very loved in this community. Keep participating actively. Your posts are always cherished and welcome.

I remain at your total disposal. If you want to chat 1-on-on, you can message me HERE at any time.

You are wonderful angels. Always keep this in mind. Never forget it, not for an instant.

I wish you all the best,

Marcelo

@pencilmarks

Hi Ann, Daisy, and Iris,

I am glad to get to hear from you all again. I am sorry that I have been away for a while. It is so good to find you all again and hear from you.

A whole lot of very horrible things were done to you all. I am very sorry for what all you all went through! So are those inside. They also feel sad for what you all went through. You all have just been trough so much terrible, horrible things by your abusers. I wish you all had not had to go though all of that. It sure was a whole lot, for so long it seems. We want you to be safe now. We hope that you all can be safe now. You all were not bad at all to make any of this happen. We know that is probably very hard to understand and make sense of. We also have felt just like you do, so much in our lives. Your abusers were not good people and did not act right to you all at all, not one bit. All of what they did was not right and not the right way to treat anyone, much less a very young person. We are so sorry that they kept you inside all the time, all away from everyone else. They must have done that to keep control over you all. They are bad for trying to keep that control over you all. Some people, like your abusers, can not control themselves, and think they are right, when they are really the very wrong ones! We hope you can always have food now too. Ann, Daisy, and Iris, please know that you have friends here that care about all of you. We will never treat you these ways. No one should treat you all as you all have been treated. We want you all to be loved, be cared about, be care for, and get to be around other people that will not treat you all like this. There are good people out there. We have missed you all lots! We hope to keep being able to find you on here. hope it is ok to send all three of you a heart. , , .

@pencilmarks Hello Lily :) I hope you don't mind my popping in. I just wanted to say that it's nice to meet you and that this is a safe space for you. You're welcome to write about anything you'd like.