Trying to cope better: trigger warning
Most days feels like a struggle to cope better but I'm trying to learn to cope better and to be better
We were diagnosed with DID and cptsd. Not every part in our system communicates properly which is hard sometimes. Luckily a part doesn't feel any emotions and sometimes I wish that I could also feel no emotions or this hurt
We were sexually abused by adults when we were so young. None of the adults seemed to stop and think that we were just kids. Adults did so many things to hurt us. They did it again and again even when we were crying. They recorded it when sexually abusing us and made so many videos of it. No one made it stop. It's hard knowing that the videos of our abuse can still be there
It hurts alot sometimes and mostly we just stay inside the head and let other parts front because it feels scary to be outside. But we are writing here as a form of our own therapy. We hope that everything will be ok
-Iris and Daisy (two parts)
Thank you for sharing this with us here. Hope you can find some support to help you.
A huge part of coping feels like acceptance. Acceptance seems like a peaceful concept but how do I fully accept and come to terms that our childhood sexual abuse videos could still be out there. How does one fully accept it completely?
-Iris
@pencilmarks
I was very moved by your life story.
You are absolutely right. Some things in life in this real world are totally unjust and unacceptable. The things you mention are totally, absolutely unacceptable.
Coping is applying a set of therapeutic techniques to live the best we can with the consequences of things that happened to ourselves, for example, because we had the immense bad luck of having been cruelly mistreated as small children.
Maybe "acceptance" could be understood in the sense of recognizing and coming to terms with the fact that those are the cards we were given, and our challenge is playing the best we can with these cards. Our merit, and the measure of our success in life, is how well we play these cards, even if they are very, very bad.
Also, appreciate that we are valuable, even sacred beings. We deserve respect, care, love, and to live in peace.
We hope that through therapy, coping techniques, making significant connections like those possible in this caring, humane community, we can improve significantly from our base situation, and enjoy moments of peace and happiness.
If you want to express your feelings and further discuss these issues in a 1-to-1 chat, as a Listener I offer to arrange for a chat. I can accommodate any day and time you wish. Just leave me a message with your preferred day and time (in EST timezone).
You can reach me here: https://www.7cups.com/@WelcomeToChat
I wish you all the best and hope to stay in touch with you in the near future.
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Thank you so much for writing such a thoughtful response to me. I'm sorry that I'm reading it after so long. I wasn't the one fronting for some time and I was asleep at the back but I'm present again now and trying to do all that I can to cope. Thank you so much <3
-Iris
@pencilmarks
Thank you so much for your grateful words !
Never mind, I understand.
You are very kind !
I remain at your disposal, and wish you all the best,
Marcelo
@pencilmarks
Iris, I dont' know how to accept this at all. I wish I did. This is a hard situation with all the videos still out there. All of our sexual and physical abuse was before videos were created.
Please keep sharing with us.
Yesterday was really hard. Everything seemed to trigger memories of our abuse. We tried to ground ourselves and did things that we learned in therapy but relapsed into self harm at the end. I'm really trying to cope better but it's so hard sometimes and I think I let everyone down, all the other parts. We aren't present alot and don't front alot but it doesn't feel very good to be the one in the driver's seat and trying to do better by everyone
-Iris and Daisy
@pencilmarks
I can imagine the overwhelming feeling of responsibility while taking care of such a difficult situation.
It must be frustrating trying all the grounding techniques, without results. There are many, many grounding techniques that bring you to the present, from biting a peppercorn, to dancing like crazy to very loud music, to cold showers... You could even experiment and devise your own, and compile a checklist to see if some are effective to you.
Maybe you could also try to find some substitute for self-harm, seek another way to stop painful thoughts. Like making a phone call to your therapist, a friend, participating in the 7Cups Support Room 24/7, or even calling a self-harm prevention hotline: US Lifeline number: 1-800-273-8255 International list HERE Note that these hotlines don't take only suicidal thought,s but any serious emotional crisis.
There is also an emotional crisis texting counselor 24/7 service in the US: link HERE
I wish you all the best,
Marcelo.
My name is Daisy. It's the name our abusers gave me for themselves. To call me by and make me do sexual acts that I never wanted to do. Humans made me this way and I feel scared of them. But this is a reminder for me that everything will be ok, everything will be ok at the end. Don't lose hope
-Daisy
@pencilmarks Hello Daisy, 🙂 it's nice to meet you! I got my name the same way, I've been told I can change it if I want but I'm not sure yet. It's something I need to think about. Maybe it's an option for you too?
@mytwistedsoul
It is very nice to meet you. I'm not present and at the front alot of times so this feels strange and strange to say my name. I am sorry that you were hurt and got your name because of the hurt. You did not deserve being hurt in any way. I'm not sure too if I should change my name. My name Daisy feels is my whole identity because people who hurt us gave me this name. I'm not sure what I'll be if I'm not Daisy. Daisy who did sexual things for our abusers. Do you feel like that about changing or keeping your name? Btw, you matter alot and are lovely even if you keep your name or change it <3
@pencilmarks I'm sorry you got hurt too 😞 You didn't deserve your hurt either. Nobody deserves to be hurt.
I do feel that way sometimes but sometimes I don't. They said that I won't be hurt that way ever again but Idk if I can believe them. What if I change my name and get hurt again but maybe in another way? What if they find out and get mad?
Do you get scared being out? I do sometimes but it's fun sometimes too. I had jelly beans and peanut butter eggs at easter!
Daisy is a pretty name too. I hope it's ok to say that. I'm sorry if I shouldn't. It's hard to know all the shoulds and shouldn'ts.
@mytwistedsoul
Yes you're right, no body deserves to get hurt in any way. I hear you, it's hard to trust anything or believe anything sometimes. What you feel is very valid and matters. I feel like this too sometimes that if I'm not Daisy then they'll punish us for it even though we don't live with them anymore. But still scared. Feels like still being watched
I do get scared to come outside because I feel scared of humans. But I also feel curious to come out and do things and it can be fun when I'm not scared. Jelly beans and peanut butter eggs are yumm
It's ok to say. You're really nice too!
@pencilmarks I'm Beau btw! Guess it helps to introduce myself! 🙂
@mytwistedsoul
You've been in my thoughts. I hope all of you are ok <3
-Daisy
@pencilmarks Hey :) Thank you for the thoughts. - You've all been in ours as well
Be gentle with yourselves and your thoughts
J
@pencilmarks
Hi Daisy !
I am glad to see you again.
You are right. Everything will be OK.
You have already walked a long, long path, with much effort, and you are much, much better now.
Now you are safe.
You know the methods to cope.
You have a support network.
You are very intelligent and at the same time, sensitive and creative.
All those are fundamental and solid bases to continue growing.
That's why everything will be OK.
Rest assured of that.
You can count on me for anything, any day, any time, You can message me from HERE
I wish you all the best in the world.
You deserve it.
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Thank you, this is my first time here without any other part and it feels strange. But I am real. I am still trying to learn how to cope better and what helps me better. Our support network is just our therapist. I am not sure if I'm intelligent, sensitive or creative. I don't have any creative things like hobbies. I only did things for our abusers when they called me Daisy. Thank you for your kindness for me <3
-Daisy
@pencilmarks
Dear Daisy:
Thank you for writing those kind words to me.
I am very grateful for your kindness, and your trust in me, sharing your thoughts.
"Daisy" to me means a kind, courageous young woman, that is real, in the present, now, communicating with me through 7 Cups.
This is who you are to me.
You are real, you are kind, and you are wonderful.
I am glad to have met you here.
I hope we will continue writing to each other in the future.
And I wish you all the best in the world,
Marcelo.
@pencilmarks
You sure went through a lot and it is good that you're alters present could speak of this. Please tell them thanks for shairing with us.
Do not know why the adults keep doing these things to you, us, or others, over and over, but it is so true and is so real. That is also horrible about the video part of it all and it all being out there for forever, who knows where.
@Amelia2324
Thank you. One of our parts said that its safe to speak and share. And with our therapist too. But another part doesn't like it so much, she is very overprotective. I did alot of painting today. I'm not sure why humans hurt others too. It does hurt that videos can still be there. But everything will be ok, don't lose hope. Thank you <3<3
-Daisy
It feels like one moment I'm happy and I'm enjoying trying to learn new things. But the next moment it all comes back and I start feeling really scared. I don't like being out for long, that's why. I've alot of memories and they keep coming back. It's hard for me to collect my thoughts. I feel very dirty that I did sexual things that our abusers made me do. I feel bad that I did that. But they made us starve then if we weren't good and didn't listen or other bad punishments which we didn't like. We were pregnant with one of our abuser's baby. When we ourselves were like children, not even old enough yet. He was the adult and he was supposed to care for us and not hurt us in this way. When we were pregnant with our abuser's baby, we didn't know all about what was happening with our body or all about pregnancy when we were that age. We were given an abortion after at the end. Ann (another part of us) tried handling it but it feels hard. Iris (another part of us) is with me. I'm Daisy so they made me do sexual things even when we were pregnant. But did it because really scared. It hurt alot and I didn't want it. I feel really scared of humans. It makes me feel really dirty and bad. I don't want to feel hurt and scared about it and I want to say that it'll be all ok for me (us)
-Daisy
@pencilmarks
Dear Deisy
I can relate to some things. I hope you understand that all the things you did were not your fault. You're the less guilty person here. You and all the other parts of you are innocent. You and all the other parts of you are precious.
The things they made to you have not forgiveness. Yet, you're safe now. You're here and you're safe. You're tremendously strong. You're the strongest person I've ever met and, even if we have never met and I'm a stranger to you, I'm so proud of you. You're an inspiration to other people including me.
You're strong, you're beautiful and you can keep going. I don't know if you'd be comfortable with it but I'd like to give you a hug.
Have a great day 💖
@Kimmkimm
I'm sorry I was asleep in our headspace. It's safe there. Thank you for saying that it wasn't our fault. It's very kind of you to say that to me. All your words mean so much to me. You're one of the kindest person. Yes I'm safe now and in here and I need to understand that no one can touch us now or make us do bad things. Thank you for the hugs <3 hugs to you too if that is ok <3
-Daisy
@pencilmarks
Dear Daisy:
I am very sorry for the feelings of shame, guilt and fear you have. It is very unjust that you feel that, because what caused it was not your fault.
You did what was necessary to survive. You were at great risk in a very dangerous environment. But you survived. That is a great achievement. You should feel proud of surviving such a situation. You are here, now, real and present, thanks to surviving.
All of us can feel shame, guilt and fear for things that happened to us that are not our fault. It is very unjust that we feel so bad for things that were not our decision or intention. But that is how we are made. That is how our brain works.
For example, if someone, anyone, even the happiest person, is walking on the street and is attacked by a criminal, at random, out of bad luck, and is humiliated, this person, that did not feel anything in particular before the attack, after that event will feel shame because was humiliated, will feel guilt because accepted the humiliation and did not impede the attack, and will feel fear of strangers and of being again in the street.
So will feel shame, guilt and fear because of an event that did not have any responsibility for. That was imposed by an external force, the attacker. By pure bad luck.
Shame, guilt and fear will stay with him for a long time after the event.
This is unjust. The world is unjust. Some people have very bad luck. They get the worst cards to play with in the game of life.
You are playing very well with the cards you got. You are winning at your own game.
You are learning that you do not deserve to feel shame and guilt. That you should feel proud of yourself. That you can have moments of happiness.
You have hope that it will be all OK.
All this is marvelous. You are on the right track, moving forward at a good pace in your life journey to heal those wounds, feel better and enjoy life.
Be patient. You are on the right path. Just keep muving forward at your own pace.
Even if you sometimes feel shame of yourself because of those wicked effects of your trauma, here in In 7 Cups we all love you, we respect you, we care for you, and we think you are the most valuable being in the Universe.
This is not an exaggeration. We really do.
I hope that sharing you thoughts and feelings in 7 Cups helps you move from shame to pride for yourself, helps you have more moments of happiness, and that you absorb and make yours the view we all have of you, that you are a wonderful, valuable and lovable person.
Please, give my best wishes to Ann and Iris.
And to you, I feel so proud of you, that you have the courage to front and share here your thoughts and feelings.
I wish you all the best of lucks that you can continue moving forward.
I hope we continue exchanging messages. It makes me feel very well to communicate with you.
All the best, Daisy !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Thank you <3 You're always so kind and understanding to me. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me about the perspective of the person walking on the street and being attacked by a criminal. It makes think a bit different. This means alot <3 I hope I can move on the right path. Yes it's hard to share sometimes because I get scared to say and get scared that our abusers will find out somehow. Ann doesn't like talking too much because she is very overprotective. Thank you for being so nice to me <3<3
-Daisy
@pencilmarks
Dear Daisy:
Thank you for your kind, lovely words.
Remember: you are safe here.
Nobody enters this space to hurt.
And if eventually, someone enters to bother someone else, (this will never happen to you with the people you fear), their posts would be immediately deleted, and this person would be thrown out of 7 Cups.
You can write with confidence here, as in your personal notebook.
All the best,
Marcelo.
Daisy, Iris and Ann, if you are there too, we are all so fortunate for Marcelo being there for you and for all of us. Marcelo is very nice, right? Some of us like what Marcelo has been saying. Daisy we could not find our way back here to talk to you for a while. Those who are here with us now decided to read everything becasue two of us now did not know. We are here, with Amy, but we are still afraid to come out. we feel that you are very brave daisy for talking with us all so much. we know how hard it is to talk to people we want to talk to you daisy we do not know where you are right now how do we find you we want you to be ok and do not want you to hurt and we know how it is to be so afriad we are not ready to come out by ourselves yet and you are so good to be able to do this we think a lot of you daisy we miss you
@Amelia2324
Yes Marcelo seems very nice to everyone <3 I'm so glad to meet with you and the other parts present here now. I'm so glad to meet all of you. You sound really brave and are so nice and kind <3 Yes it is very scary to come out and I'm afraid that they'll find us again and make me do bad things. I hear you that it can be very scary for all of you to come out. You do deserve being heard and your feelings are validated. You deserve to talk about anything that you feel comfortable with and to feel understood <3 Amy is very brave and kind too. I think it's ok to not be ready to come out alone yet. I sometimes have other parts with me too because I get scared and our headspace is safe for me. You all are very very very brave because this is very brave to come out even with Amy. You've been so kind to us too. And you all deserve all the kindness in the world. I'll be here for all of you, if that's ok to say. You all are brave and I'm very proud of you to come out with Amy <3<3<3
-Daisy
We had a bad time at therapy because our therapist did something which I am not sure. But today was different for me when I came to the front. I feel less scared and I am getting to know the other parts a bit more
-Daisy
@pencilmarks
Dear Daisy:
Thank you for your kind words about me.
I also appreciate you very much.
Regarding that situation that made you feel bad in therapy, there are various possible reasons.
On one hand, therapists can make mistakes that hurt us, without bad intentions. They are like all people, anybody can make a mistake. For example saying something very triggering, that they didn't know was so triggering for us.
On the other hand, sometimes the therapist will intentionally talk and make questions about very sad things in our lives. This will make us feel bad. Sometimes very, very bad. But it is a part of the therapy, and her goal is to help heal us, not to hurt us.
If your therapist is good and helpful, you can forgive her mistakes, and trust her when she says and asks about sad things that make you feel bad but are necessary for the therapy.
I am glad that you could get over that bad situation and feel well.
Also that you are getting to know better the other parts. This is very, very good !
It is very important that you know the other parts and they know you. So you are advancing well on the most important things.
Congratulations on your courage to be at the front, and for your improvement in knowing the other parts !
These are very good things !
It makes me happy that you are doing these important improvements in your life.
I wish you all the best !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
Thank you. I appreciate this so so so much. It so nice of you <3
-Daisy
@pencilmarks
Dear Daisy:
Thank you for your kind words !
You are welcome !
I remain always at your disposal.
Marcelo.
We've health problems now because of our childhood sexual trauma and because we were pregnant with our dad's baby at such a young age. Didn't know what was happening to our body. It makes us feel so dirty and disgusting. The things we did because our abusers told us too or else punishments
It feels like we were just starving most of the time because sometimes we weren't given food or if we did something wrong, made mistakes, then food wasn't given. We tried our best to be good. We tried out best to not make any mistakes and always do good. But still they hurt us. Our absuers didn't seem to care if we got injuries. They would still keep hurting us. Sometimes they hurt us by putting in sharp objects down there
We don't know what we did wrong. We were homeschooled and only interacted with our abusers. We weren't allowed to go out or talk to anyone. We never really saw or talked to anyone except our abusers when growing up. We had no friend because we weren't allowed to go out. The only times we were taken outside was to go to hotel rooms to have abusers hurt us. But most times our abusers would just come at our home and hurt us
We still find it so hard to interact socially now and seeing so many people sacres us
-Ann, Daisy and Iris
@pencilmarks
Dear Ann, Daisy and Iris:
I am very sorry for all that happened to you. Life is so unjust. You had the very bad luck of been born in a terrible place, from very bad people. I imagine that knowing that your parents were bad must be very sad.
You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't deserve any of the horrible punishments you suffered. You deserved love and care, like any child. Love and care is a natural law and a children's right. Children don't have to do anything special to deserve care and love. It's their right and the law of nature.
Most people that have babies are good people. But, unfortunately, there are also very cruel people that have babies, and hurt them instead of caring for them. Caring for a child is the natural thing a parent must do. Hurting a child is pure irrational cruelty. It doesn't have any explanation. There was nothing wrong with you to deserve such horrible things. You didn't do anything wrong.
You are wonderful angels, struggling with a terrible past. Always keep in mind that you are, and have always been, wonderful angels. Never forget this.
You are also very courageous to share your innermost thoughts and feelings here. Posting and chatting in a safe environment like 7 Cups helps train yourselves in interacting with people.
You are very active in 7 Cups, and this is a very positive and useful thing, to make online social and emotional bonds, and to become more confident with social interactions in general.
You are very loved in this community. Keep participating actively. Your posts are always cherished and welcome.
I remain at your total disposal. If you want to chat 1-on-on, you can message me HERE at any time.
You are wonderful angels. Always keep this in mind. Never forget it, not for an instant.
I wish you all the best,
Marcelo
@pencilmarks
Hi Ann, Daisy, and Iris,
I am glad to get to hear from you all again. I am sorry that I have been away for a while. It is so good to find you all again and hear from you. 
A whole lot of very horrible things were done to you all. I am very sorry for what all you all went through! So are those inside. They also feel sad for what you all went through. You all have just been trough so much terrible, horrible things by your abusers. I wish you all had not had to go though all of that. It sure was a whole lot, for so long it seems. We want you to be safe now. We hope that you all can be safe now. You all were not bad at all to make any of this happen. We know that is probably very hard to understand and make sense of. We also have felt just like you do, so much in our lives. Your abusers were not good people and did not act right to you all at all, not one bit. All of what they did was not right and not the right way to treat anyone, much less a very young person. We are so sorry that they kept you inside all the time, all away from everyone else. They must have done that to keep control over you all. They are bad for trying to keep that control over you all. Some people, like your abusers, can not control themselves, and think they are right, when they are really the very wrong ones! We hope you can always have food now too. Ann, Daisy, and Iris, please know that you have friends here that care about all of you. We will never treat you these ways. No one should treat you all as you all have been treated. We want you all to be loved, be cared about, be care for, and get to be around other people that will not treat you all like this. There are good people out there. We have missed you all lots! We hope to keep being able to find you on here. hope it is ok to send all three of you a heart. , , .
They said maybe writing here will help to let it out
Lilly
@pencilmarks Hello Lily :) I hope you don't mind my popping in. I just wanted to say that it's nice to meet you and that this is a safe space for you. You're welcome to write about anything you'd like.
