Struggling with medical care

@LunaKisses95 I highly recommend finding a licensed midwife. They are better trained in prenatal care and delivery care than your average obgyn anyway, and will be much more helpful in this regard.

My midwife has been supportive by even recommending some books and stuff specific to pregnancy/birth/begining motherhood as a sexual assault survivor. Find someone with experience supporting women with trauma's in their past if you can.

@diplomaticTriangle1076

The midwife I see runs a birthing center with only herself and a female assistant, who I can request to not be there if I don't even want an "extra" woman there.

It's really important to me that I know the exact caregiver who will be assisting with the birth, so working with this midwife I know that she will be the one to come in for me, not just "whoever" from a team. She is my primary pre-natal, labor & delivery, and post-natal caregiver.

@diplomaticTriangle1076 that's a good idea! Do you know what your midwife's center's capacities/plans are for high risk deliveries? Every baby I know of on my mother's side was an emergency c-section... I'd rather be prepared for a complicated pregnancy and delivery and pleasantly surprised if I don't have one, if that makes sense

@LunaKisses95

Where I live midwives typically partner with a surgical obgyn and/or hospital to get the needed resources for high risk or emergency situations. My midwife offers midwife assisted hospital births for women who are high risk and are better served delivering in a hospital. That means she'll do some or all of the pre and post natal care and be a part of the delivery, but with an obgyn involved directly as well.

An important part of that, which could also be done by a doula, is that during delivery she'll make sure your voice is heard and that the hospital team doesn't jump into the against your wishes.

@NoneTheWiser do you know if a practice with both men and woman can refuse to treat me if I won't be seen by all of the doctors? I've heard that places want you to be seen by everyone because they don't know who will be on call when you go into labor. I would rather schedule induction or c-section than risk giving birth with a man (I don't even want to allow male nurses in the delivery room)

@NoneTheWiser that's a huge relief! Thank you!

@NoneTheWiser even if they find a complication, could I still refuse it the way I could other medical care? I'd happily err on the side of caution as far as treatment or delivery options went at that point. C-section is preferable to that. Anything is preferable to that.

@LunaKisses95

Hi there, I am very sorry for what you have been through. And I really understand your concerns, they are valid. I'm living in a country where midwives are the primary birth carers and as a survivor it was a god send when having my children. I was also exposed to a lot of medical interventions (e.g., pelvic surgeries, exams, proceedures) as a result of my assaults, which made me very apprehensive towards any medical intervention when haveing my kids. Today, I am a researcher in women's health, with a specilisation in concerns of the pelvis. I wonder if your state/insurance provider has access to Doulas? A Doula is a nonclinical birth worker who is essentially a birth support person, she is there with you for every procedure for physical, emotional and informational support. She is a birth mothers advocate during prenatal appointments as well as during labour and birth. This person essentially provides an avenue for a consistency of care and communication for the birth mother.

Oops pardon the typo

@ThreadbareThinker I'm not actually sure, but I'll look into that. Thank you!

And I'm so sorry for what you went through. :( <3

@LunaKisses95

Aww, thanks for the support. It is a long road to recovery, but Im getting there.

The subject of childbirth and survivors is a REAL passion of mine. Childbirth can be such a vulnerable time in any womens life, but I believe it is doubly difficult for survivors. And, I am not convinced the medical system is fully understanding of this. Regardless of where you live.

Having a support person, an advocate who is trained and fearless (lol) can take a lot of the stress away from the situation. You cant really rely on your partner/father, because they are also too emotionally involved to be able to think under pressure.

I wasnt that far along in my recovery when I had my kids so think in hindsight, I was really lucky to have such a great midwife. What helped was having a detailed birth plan. You need to consider all the possible things that could go wrong and have a plan for what is acceptable and not acceptable in that situation. We were prepared that things might not go according to plan due to all my scar tissue. So, for me, my hard boundary was Forceps. No forceps. And like you I told my midwife that we needed to make the call regarding c-section early, to make sure we didnt end up in that situation. I was also lucky that my entire medical team were women. Although, one female OB did give me a very rough internal exam while I was in labour. I was really upset and told my midwife that she was not allowed to touch me again. Later we heard my Midwife yelling at the OB in the hallway! And I didnt see her again.

I hope that story wasnt upsetting for you. I just wanted to highlight how important it is to have an advocate there with you. Dont be afraid to let people know what you need. We survivors are not particularly good at doing that, but you deserve it. You deserve for someone to take your concerns seriously.

Im here, if I can help in anyway….

(((hugs)))

@ThreadbareThinker that's awesome to hear your perspective, thank you! I think I will prefer to have no internal exams at all. I have never and will never consent to one of those. I'll let them cut me open, but not invade me. I absolutely understand about forceps. I think they should be banned in the delivery room because I just don't see how they wouldn't hurt the baby and the mama!

What's really most important to me, as with you, is that I have a healthy baby and safe delivery, but it's so reassuring to know that I do have the liberty to set these boundaries regarding care! From what I can tell the entire field of obstetrics is pretty unsympathetic and uncaring, so it's a relief to know I have options!