Responses In Sexual Abuse ***Trigger Warning, please proceed with caution***
Sexual abuse can have an impact on the survivor’s sense of autonomy. They may experince physical or physiological responses during the sexual abuse. I think it is one of the things that doesn’t get talked about often because of the fear of guilt and shame experienced by the survivor
It is not the survivor’s fault for experiencing biological, physical or physiological reactions/responses during sexual abuse
Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual abuse may experience pleasurable biological responses to their abuse, along with the emotional distress and pain. This can be very confusing for a child and even as an adult. The survivors may feel shame and guilt and a distrust towards their own body. It may feel like their body have betrayed them. Such responses are not the survivor’s fault. They are simply the biological and physiological responses to the sexual abuse that the survivor experienced
Any physical arousals in response to abuse are physiological reactions. It is not something that the survivor had control over. In these situations as a survivor, our bodies just react because of how they are biologically built. For example like panicked breathing during a threatening situation or sweating after exercising
Experiencing physical arousals or biological responses are not expressions of pleasure or indicators of consent in sexual abuse
A common analogy is of being tickled. If you are being tickled, it can be fun under the right circumstances or can feel awful in other cases. Either way, it can be hard or impossible to stop laughing when tickled by someone. Laughter doesn’t mean that you actually like or want to be tickled. It’s just the way your body reacted to tickling
It is ok to feel the way that we do after experiencing something traumatic. It can be really confusing, difficult and painful to go through it. It can bring about feelings of guilt and shame. Everyone processes trauma at their own pace, which is ok! 
It can be helpful to remind ourselves that it wasn’t our fault. We have to remind ourselves that our biological or physiological responses don’t invalidate the fact that the abuse that happened was wrong. Whatever the physical, biological or physiological responses that we experienced during sexual abuse, does not make what happened as ok. It does NOT mean that we deserved being sexually abused
@clare7199
Thank you for your great contribution, which makes crystal clear a very relevant, but touchy and confusing point.
I can attest as a Listener, that in 1-to-1 chats I have met people with a lot of confusion, inner conflicts, and guilt coming from that.
Which created additional suffering to that coming from already very traumatic and hurting experiences.
I hope your clear explanation helps to alleviate this extra suffering to members that might be experiencing it.
Thank you !
@WelcomeToChat
It is a less talked about subject because it can lead to the survivor feeling alot of guilt, shame and self blame for what happened. It can be hard to cope with those feelings but reminding oneself that it wasn't your fault, helps at times
@clare7199
I totally agree.
That is my view based on the cases I knew.
Thank you for such a valuable contribution !
Marcelo.
@clare7199 This is a very difficult area to cope with and thank you for writing about it. I struggled terribly for 40 years with this .I am finally doing better but I can attest to the pain and suffering that it can cause. @WelcomeToChat Thank you for listening to peoples stories,
@adventurousBranch3786
Thank YOU for your participation
And particularly for the courage to share your story around this difficult subject.
It is very valuable and healing for other members that (maybe silently), read this thread.
Marcelo
An article that I found helpful to read regarding this subject
***Trigger warning, please proceed with caution***
http://www.everydayvictimblaming.com/evb-analysis/sexual-pleasure-during-abuse-and-or-rape/
It isn't the survivors fault
@clare7199
A most clear explanation of this taboo issue.
I learned from it.
Thank you !
@WelcomeToChat
I hope that awareness helps to lower the stigma and helps to reduce the guilt and shame that the survivor may feel. It is ok to feel what we feel. It is never the survivors fault that they were abused. It can be hard to cope with it
@clare7199
It will certainly do.
Awareness and clarification are the most potent weapons against shame, taboo and stigma.
I am glad to have found this article, and yes this does add to the survivor's guilt and the shame that is associated with rape by others. This is truly relevant information that needs to be more widely available.
I just want to share a bit of my story her to prove the point of why this is such a needful piece of info. I just had a birthday yesterday. I was 69 years old. I have been a product of incest from the age of 4 until I was 15. Ran away got raped at 16 and was pregnant with no one to tell and no help. I did the best any 16-year-old could do with no support. I was told that I could not have gotten pregnant unless I had an orgasm. But I don't think I did but I was unable to get help until these late years in my life and it sucks to still be dealing with this crap for all my life.
If you can help just one person with this information, then each one can teach one.
thank you
.
@scarletPear1945
I'm happy that you found this helpful. I think alot more people experience it, more then we realize. It's just not talked about often because of the guilt that surrounds it
You're really brave for sharing a bit of your story. I'm sorry that happened to you. No child deserves to be hurt in that way. I was a victim of incest abuse, it can be very confusing. You're not alone 💟
It must've been so hard for you to support yourself and go through the pregnancy alone after what happened. You're really brave to have pulled through it. It saddens me to hear that you were told that you couldn't have gotten pregnant unless you've had experienced orgasm. It saddens me that those who said such things to you, weren't empathetic and do not seem to have an understanding of how human bodies work and the biological processes involved or an understanding of consent
It was not your fault that it happened. It was not your fault in any of the abuse that you went through. Sometimes it can still be so easy to fall into self blame regardless
A line from that article that really touched me was ""We don’t believe your abuse is less ‘valid’ if you experienced sexual pleasure, or even if you didn’t. We know all of the blame for abuse lies with those who perpetrate it. We believe you and know it wasn’t your fault.""
@clare7199
Thank you for the validation and for the post
Some things that I find helpful regarding this subject
***Trigger warning, please proceed with caution***
Subjective arousal is our personal evaluation of how certain stimuli is making us feel
Physical arousal is biological responses to certain stimuli that we may experience regardless of what our subjective arousal might be
It is very normal to have subjective and physical arousal as not aligned. This is arousal non-concordance and it is something that may happen during abuse
Experiencing biological responses due to abuse are like autonomic body responses. They are enabled by the same areas of the brain that control our basic survival responses. When we feel attacked or threatened, we experience a fear response and our bodies shift into high autonomic arousal
During abuse, the survivor’s sense of security is compromised, they feel unsafe, threatened. The survivor’s brain can release high amounts of adrenalin to prepare their body to either fight, flight or freeze. This response is hyperarousal, survival mode, or acute stress response. Because of the release of adrenaline, the survivor can be in a state of high alert
This increased acute stress response can pair with non consensual stimulation during abuse, leading to biological responses
This is called excitation transfer. This happens when the build-up of adrenalin and physical arousal ‘high alert’ due to intense fear during abuse, leads to heightened biological responses
In excitation transfer phenomenon, fear-based heightened sympathetic nervous system arousal can induce sexual arousal
It is not the survivor's fault
Biological arousal/responses during abuse does not indicate consent
Biological arousal/responses during abuse does not make the survivor’s experience ‘less valid’
It is a just a sign that our bodies react, just as they do with a rapid heartbeat after exercise, sweating due to extreme heat or an adrenaline rush etc.
I had never heard of excitation transfer
Again, many thanks for this thread and your posts
@clare7199
@clare7199
I understand the nature of the physical responses of my body, and it makes sense. But it is so hard to accept. Yes, I feel like my own body has betrayed me and the guilt I feel is enormous. I've had terrible nightmares that come with physical pain that endures for minutes after I wake up. But recently, I've felt that other thing too, and it's mortifying. I can not accept it. I can't accept that I could enjoy such a horrible experience and I feel like a monster.
A dear friend in here told me that it is my brain slowly releasing bits of information for me to process. Maybe all of this is happening because my scars are still too fresh and I need to learn to live with it, but, as I am right now, I refuse to accept that it is not my fault, because the guilt is unbearable.
@Kimmkimm
yes, it can be very hard to accept even if we "logically" understand the nature of body responses. it can still be very hard to make sense of it and to cope with all the guilt and confusion that comes with it. it's something i struggle with too. bodily responses in trauma aren't talked about much because of all the guilt one may feel. but i would like to say that all guilt belongs to the person(s) who preperated the abuse. self blame is very hard to cope with but it is not yoru fault
i understand the physical pain and bodily sensations that survivors/victims can feel during flashbacks or nightmares or when they are reminded of the trauma. that itself can be very confusing to experience. but it is not your fault. you are not a monster. you are a human trying their best to cope with something that is not your fault. something i tell myself when i feel hurt is that my body reacted the way it's supposed to react and that doesn't mean that i mentally wanted my childhood traumas to happen. but it can be very hard sometimes to truly really cope with the feelings
just from your words, u seem really strong and i am proud of u. yes it was not your fault in any way no matter the bodily responses experienced. it is not your fault no matter the sensations or pain u may feel during nightmares. it is not your fault at all
@clare7199
I've tried to accept it and I just can't. I enjoyed it and that's the truth, no matter if my body was programmed to do so. I should have never felt that.
@Kimmkimm
if it's ok to say, safe hugs for u 💟💟
it really can be confusing. i've thoughts and still question myself that if i really enjoyed certain things. your feelings and emotions really do matter and u deserve to share them in a safe place where and when u feel comfortable
@clare7199
Thank you. I'm sorry for al my negative words and behavior. This is driving me crazy. I don't understand it. I feel betrayed by myself, I feel anger and hate. I'm so sorry to be like this. 😭
@Kimmkimm
u don't have to be sorry at all. it's not your fault. u are allowed to express your emotions. trauma is a very hard thing to cope with. it brings alot of emotions, alot of confusing ones. u are allowed to feel them and express them without fearing any judgement
it is hard to understand. we feel betrayed by ourselves and our body. it's ok to express your emotions and feelings. u are being very brave talking about it. this can be very confusing and hard to talk about aspect of trauma. u are not alone and u are enough as u are -a strong human trying their best. it's ok to feel what u feel and it is ok to express it. you'll be in my thoughts 💟
@clare7199
Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts, you're a very sweet person. I'm trying to be kind with myself, to repeat ro myself that I'm innocent about it and that my body responded the way it should do. There was nothing wrong, it's just me being myself. It's hard to accept but I'm trying.
@Kimmkimm
repeating and positive affirmations can be very helpful. yes you're innocent and very brave to be trying. it's not easy 💟
@clare7199 I have some affirmations that I say when having fashbacks of physical responses/body memories. Is it okay to mention them here?
