Not sure about this.. some confusing memories i try to get right
I'm not really sure about this actually never put myself in the role of a victim of sexual abuse and i still don't feel okay with saying it..
I grew up in states care with my best friend, i knew him since i was about 11 years old. You could never keep us apart, hanging out all the time. We were never officially together but he was my first love, my first kiss. He asked me if he could be my first time too.. he's really charming so i said yes.
When i was 13 (he was 14) he came to my bed at night and started to touch me. First it was okay for me but when it got serious is said i don't want this i made up my mind (at least i think i did). He didn't stop, i started to try to get him off but he was way too strong. I'm really not sure how to tell this though.. so it was really rough, i had bruises on my wrists and cryed a bit. He even asked me to do oral after it as if he wouldnt see i was upset. But in the end i wasnt very angry at him because i thought it was my fault. I thought i said yes at first so it was my fault. And i totally forgot about this for years.. or not forget but i shut it out and remembered many years later again. I thought i was old enough, he had girls before me already so i thought it must be right.. and i thought it's not his fault because he was abused by his dad. I'm not 100% sure if he was sexually abused but i think so, he'd never tell. I'm still not sure about what happened.. any oppinions?
@lexie95
lexi, I'm so sorry this has happened with you but i don't think it was your fault. I don't see your fault at all. I'm really sorry you had to go through all this. but I'm really glad that you tried to forget what happened and move on because one bad experience shouldn't affect your life forever, it was really a brave thing to do. As of him, i would say that he can't abuse you like that if he's being abused. Abuse is not the answer for what wrong things happen with us in life. if you need more support, feel free to PM listeners <3
also I suggest you go through this, 7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php
@Disneykstew
Thanks for your words.
We can never really say what's right or wrong, this thing just keeps my mind busy these days because i never really worked my way through it. I dont talk to him anymore and he's going trough a hard time.. i just wonder how much forgiveness ppl deserve. I didnt talk to a listener yet because i dont feel very comfortable with this topic.
@lexie95
I think the hardest thing about situations like this is just how confusing it all is. There's such a complexity with emotions in unwanted sexual advances. I think one thing you should remember is that even though you thought you wanted it before, you are allowed to change your mind and not want sex when the time comes. Otherwise anyone who said yes at any time would be signing away their sexual lives to that person forever. You wanted it before but when the time came, you weren't ready. And that is OK. You are allowed to do that. What happened is not your fault. That being said, he was also young. I'm not going to say that he's exempt from fault, because if you didn't want anything and said no, he should have backed off, but you were both kids, and kids make mistakes. Kids with abuse backgrounds also don't understand boundaries as well, so that could be another contributing factor.
Regarding contacting him; Do you think that would be the healthy thing for both of you? Would it be healthy for you to contact someone who made you feel so negatively (regardless of your compassion for him) and potentially go through an abuse pattern again, at the very least probably putting his needs before yours and getting pulled into his problems. You don't need to take his "stuff" on right now. Keep concentrating on your own "stuff." I think you're doing a great job confronting what is bothering you, just make sure to keep putting yourself first for the time being. I recommend finding a therapist with an abuse/sexuality/ or trauma background because they'll be better equipped than normal therapists.