I've never said this to anyone
I'm 32 years old and when I was 21, I found myself in an abusive relationship. My partner was verbally, physically and sexually abusive. I was raped and managed to repress the memory until it was triggered when I was 27.
edited by Rain45 Moved to the Trauma community due to forum re-organisation
I have to finish my story here because I can't hit "return" without the cursor jumping to the front of the first paragraph. Mmmm, wall of text. Anyway, due to the rape, I obviously have lots of intimacy issues and had to work through the trauma. I did go to counseling where I found out that my depression and anxiety stemmed from the PTSD. I'm afraid to have children. I want kids so badly, but I'm terrified I'll screw them up. My current partner has expressed wanting children, but some part of me is scared he's not being fully honest with me and would rather we didn't. I go through hills and valleys with the depression and I've never been on medication. The anxiety can be a killer. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks anyone, for listening.
Hello @TinyTreasures , 21 is such a young age to be through so much. You are incredible for managing so far. We are all here for you with open arms. So please do remember this site the next time you want to chat. *Hugs* Take care
I think you should keep going to therapy. Talk to your therapist about your concerns about having children and maybe the right way to discipline and raise a child (since I think that's what's concerning you?) Don't feel guilty for any of this, it's NOT you're fault. I know it's difficult but it will get better with time. Any time you're triggered take a deep breath and look for videos about things you love ( cats, paintings, make-up etc). Keep your head up. It's gonna be ok.
Im perfect and make no mistakes
Undergoing through trauma therapy now and it's so tough. Sigh. And I'm gonna start school next week....
