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I'm so confused.
Varah April 21st, 2015
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I've been dating this guy with aspergers for almost 7 months now. In the beginning of our relationship we were very close and intimate but after I was diagnosed with anxiety I was unable to be intimate again. It made me very uncomfortabl . We went to therapy for it and I discovered that me uncomfortable with sex was because when I was younger I was molested by an older cousin for a really long time and I never dealt with those feelings so now its really affecting me. He knows this but he would still ask for small intimate activities. I would say no but he would keep asking and begging until I finally said yes so he would leave me alone. He's sexually frustrated I know. But he doesn't understand how I feel about sex. How can I enjoy something that was used against me for so long? My feelings from so long agoare very confusing to me. So recently I wome up to him having sex with me and I started panicking because I didn't know what was going on. I started pushing him away and that's where he started panicking saying he didn't know what he was doing. Now my feelings are even more confusing and I don't know what to do. I want to break up with him. One of my friends keeps telling me that it was a mistake and I know that but I don't know if I can trust him again. Now he's claiming that he has sexomnia. I don't know what to believe. Is it really wrong of me to break up with him even though he keeps telling me that he's sorry and he wants to fix it? Am I being stubborn because I feel hurt by his actions and I dont want to forgive him? Why? I'm so confused

5
therapinto April 21st, 2015
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Your confusion, in this case, is quite understandable. Your boyfriend should get himself checked for sexomnia, so that at least that confusion is cleared out. Next, ask yourself if you find any hope of betterment in this relationship? and if not, then are you able to accept it the way it is? If not, then it's always good to opt for a breakup, or a mere break (to work on your individual selves).

And don't worry you'll be fine. Take care dear.

ladygust April 21st, 2015
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Perhaps you can discuss this with your therapist and him join in the session too

Varah OP April 21st, 2015
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We just had a session today. I officially ended it. I've never broken up with anyone before. It hurts but I can't stay with someone who hurt me so much. I know that's not very good for my healing. My therapist told me to stay with friends and she wants me to text her later so we can start my healing process. I started working on my past sexual abuse but after what he did what little progress I made vanished. Now I have to start anew. And I still haven't told my parents anything. I'm so tired now. I don't know where to begin.

Anomalia April 21st, 2015
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You already have begun. You've opened up, both to your therapist and here. You've taken steps that you needed to take to feel comfortable and safe. You are taking action to heal. Just keep moving in that direction, be gentle with yourself, because healing isn't ever as fast or as easy as we'd like. And keep talking to people and opening up. Feel free to reach out if you ever need a listening ear. <3

Varah OP April 21st, 2015
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I was going to yell my mom everything but I froze. I don't know where to begin. I know she's going to want me to come home. And I really want to but I'm not sure if I have someone to stay when I go back. Both of my parents are living with friends trying to save money for their own place so they won't have a room for me. I could stay with my aunt but I don't want to be a freeloader. I was trying to save up for an apartment here in AZ with my friends but I lost my job so I don't have money for that anymore. My current lease ends in September so I guess I have plenty of time to figure it out. Theirs so much I need to think about. Its so overwhelming. I'm so lost.

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