Can allies ever really understand?
By allies, I'm referring to those who are near to us, support and love us.
When I have flashbacks at night, I can't normally stay in bed and get up, go downstairs and try to ground myself, calm myself down, distract myself when possible with TV, reading something... Whatever works or seems like it might help.
Unsurprisingly, when I don't sleep well, particularly when I have bad dreams I'm a wreck the next day, really tired, unable to function fully.
When I attempt to explain why I didn't sleep the night through, and how important it is for me to move, to 'reset the clock', anything to reduce the stress of the whole situation, I keep encountering a simplistic response from those closest to be. When I explain that a trigger can be the weight of the duvet on my body, the response is that I should throw the duvet off me. When I explain that I can't sleep, need to distract myself, to calm down, I'm told that I should turn the light on and read my book, despite me stating that staying in bed is not at all helpful and that I need space and a different environment.
I've tried time and again to explain what I experience when I have nightmares, what the impact is, how the route back to some sense of calm is not always predictable, and rarely easy to control. I know part of the response I get is grounded in their frustration, but I can't seem to convey what I need from my allies, how I need them to give me the space to handle things in the way that I find easiest.
Part of me wants my allies to hear from someone else, to read up on it, to show a true interest in understanding what I'm going through, rather than reacting in what feels like a judgemental, simplistic and somewhat unsupportive manner. I'm short tempered, irritable and introverted in the aftermath of my nightmares. I need to find the means to communicate more clearly what I need, to care less about the subsequent response, and to focus more closely on doing the right thing for me, without putting others first.
How do you communicate, explain, enunciate what nightmares look like through the eyes of a survivor? How do you describe the impact of the terrors, the palpitations, the nausea, sickness, mortal fear? And how do you explain that all of this is experienced through the eyes of a child, not the adult who occupies this body in the present day? How do you make your allies understand?
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Grits