Body memories -trigger warning
Tw.
I am sure this sounds crazy but I have nothing to lose. Sometimes I still feel him. I feel like a sick and disgusting person for this. I think he would be happy :***( I wish someone good and safe had been near.
Are you referring to an unconsent sexual act?
@HavenonEarth ya :(
@MissyAmerica
Do you wamna share a little more? I
@HavenonEarth it's hard to talk about but I've been trying because I feel like I just can't take this to my grave. Idk why. It doesn't get easier to admit that I was sexually abused. I still feel queasy admitting that. :/
@MissyAmerica
Well, don
@HavenonEarth nod. I think so too. It's hard to fsay or write the words sometimes. I just want to know what it feels like to be a safe and complete person. I get pulled back with thoughts like "nobody wants to know this." It isn't pleasant conversation. :/
@MissyAmerica
No conversation about abuse or any kind of maltreatment is pleasant, really. Better to face them someday, than to avoid them constantly - thats the path to happiness.
@HavenonEarth I know you are right. I need to find a venue where I can't trigger others. I so wish I could figure this all out on my own. I would like to be good. I don't feel like I'm good. I think my abusers might have killed me on the inside. I just want to be good. I know they say I'm good on general self help sites but I feel differently about myself. I'm in constant state of vigilance. It is exhausting and I can't take meds cuz of other health problems. I worry about being too much for others to handle cuz my experience with listeners is that this stuff triggers most and those who aren't triggered don't know what to say
I don't blame them. I know I need more than listeners. I. Miss being able to work. I had options when I had $$.
@MissyAmerica
Dunno if you know this, but it
@HavenonEarth I would like to forget what happened. I have such vivid memories of my dad assaulting me. I feel like I'm going through the abuse over and over. Maybe I'm crazy. Idk. But it is haunting me.
@MissyAmerica
Do whatever feels best
@HavenonEarth. Do you think I'm posting too much? I don't want to hog the microphone. ;:)
@MissyAmerica
Well...not really. I just think you should make a decision - hold off on telling others for a while, or be informative and lift the burden now. No point in lollygaggin' much longer about this.
