9 Unhealthy Behaviors Adults Have After Going Through Childhood Trauma
Trauma is difficult to deal with. Whether its emotional, mental, physical or sexual. You go through life believing you have overcome it. Only to exhibit unhealthy behaviors as an adult. If you are not careful you will stick to these behaviors for the rest of your life unless you confront the past head-on. By allowing yourself to feel. Express your emotions, process it, and then let it go. Its okay to look back, but dont stay there. The following is a list of behaviors adults have after going through childhood trauma:
1. Becoming overwhelmed by fear: You believe playing it safely is the best option. Convincing yourself with lies. The problem here is that you prevent yourself from living fully and pursuing your dreams.
2. Becoming passive-aggressive: Trauma has taught you to defend yourself by going around the problem instead of confronting it. You repress your emotions and anger. In time all those bottled up emotions start to slowly come out. Some of you may think you are avoiding negativity. When in fact you are only hurting yourself in the long run.
3. Overprotecting yourself: You believe that everyone in your life will betray you one way or another. This prevents you from having fulfilling relationships. Starving yourself from true connection. Just because you have been hurt in the past by people. Doesnt mean everyone has ill intentions.
4. Self-victimization: When a person becomes used to being the victim, it becomes part of their identity. It has been ingrained in their mind. Sadly, embracing this identity will affect all aspects of your life. This doesnt allow you to move forward.
5. Preparing for problems: You unconsciously believe the same problem will reemerge. Even though the traumatic event happened long ago. Living like this prevents you from being present and truly having fun with your loved ones.
6. Forgetting big chunks of your life: An upbringing full of trauma can lead you to forget moments of your life. You may have a hard time remembering what happened. It can be distressing when people remember things about that you that you cant.
7. Feeling incomplete: Those of you have been through severe trauma end up feeling as if parts of you are missing. Trauma can leave you feeling disconnected from life. It's a survival mechanism. A sort of dissociation. To survive you build yourself a character or story that you thrive on. Making it difficult for you to discover who you truly are.
8. Attracted to unhealthy situations: Sometimes you unconsciously look for people who have the same traits as your abuser(s). Therefore, you may end up in a relationship or situation that is eerily similar to your past experience. This doesnt mean you are looking for trouble, its just your brain's way of attaching itself to similar circumstances.
9. Looking for external validation: Growing up in an abusive household can leave you feeling insecure. Trauma can impact you in such a way, that as an adult you look for other peoples validation. Such as your bosss approval and likes from friends on social media. You yearn to feel wanted.
Its difficult to move forward in life after experiencing childhood trauma. Keep in mind you dont have to continue living this way. Talk to a close friend or family member. Ask for help and guidance. Overcoming trauma isnt going to happen in a day, but I can assure you fighting for a better life is worth it. Do you agree with these points? If so let me know in the comment section below.
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I feel like I am a poster child for your post. Althought the term "trama" seems to not apply to me as not distinct and obvious event transpired, at least not that I am aware. I have read a book called "Childhood Emotional Neglect" by Dr. Jonis Webb, which is very similiar in content to your post. Problem I have is the first half of the book hits home, very educational about the problem, very emotional. Then I get to the second half, which is the "fix it" portion, and I just can't seem to pull it off. I don't think I am in touch with my emotions or even recognize them. It is becoming apparent I need professional help, but financially and logistically, that kind of help seem like a far away dream. Thanks for posting this, hopefully I can use it as inspiration to find a way. Have a great day.
@ruffneckred
Sounds like you have gone through some trials in your home growing up. I'm very sorry if you have been through emotional neglect. It can be a very painful thing to realize after your adult years. I hope one day you are able to find the professional help you deserve. In the meantime you're very welcome to connect with those who can help you talk about things emotionally in your own time and when you feel ready.
@Jenna
Thank you. I have made progress, and I have a listener, we talk daily. I have also found a book by Dr. Jonice Webb on Childhood Emotional Neglect that is astounding and life changing. Unfortunately living in a rural area "help" is hard to obtain both due to lack of services and the stigma of the topic. My estranged immediate family would have a cow if I revealed my thoughts on my issues especially in relation to our parents. Definately egg shell walking if I ever go down that path. My wife is trying to detach from me and my young adult kids are mostly absorbed in their own lives. So here I am, alone on 7 cups, luckily alone on 7 cups means thousands of supporters. Have a great, I am going to have a great day whether anyone likes it or not. GO Sioux!
How do I get over these?
@Rebekahwriter13
The most honest answer is professional help to help you through the long-term effects of the Trauma.
@Jenna I've been to several and they really didn't help all that much.
@Jenna
This post so describes me in any form of relationship. It is good to see these issues pointed out because I can use them for some self reflection. I think I will use them in my journaling and work with myself on each of these topics...maybe even write them on a posterboard to use when I am having issues in my relationships...something to remind me why I am not doing well and how I need to challenge myself to do better. I can be very sabotaging when it comes to other people in my life. I just can't stay comfortable with them having access to me/my life for very long. It just all becomes too much for me to handle.
Thank you for this very helpful post. :)
@Jenna
I am trying to over come but i feel like its such a constant struggle because the sheer number or traumas
@Jenna
Do you agree with these points? If so let me know in the comment section below.
This made me look things realisticly...I think I'm very much in denial..
@Jenna wonderful post that really resonates. Thank you. ♡
I feel liked I checked every bulletpoint. T_T The domestic violence in my family, coupled with being isolated in a fundementalist group put me on constant edge. I'm yearning for validation from others but never seek it by just letting go and being myself. I usually seek appproval from others by being a perfectionsit and overworking myself at every task I'm given. In the end, I just exhaust myself and end up suspecting that my colleagues/friends are only using me for the work I do and don't really like or accept me. This in turn leads me to put up my walls and isolate myself even more. My fear of being hurt by others permeates most of my relationships in any situation. In the end, it feels like I'm just chasing my own tail trying to accomplish two impossible things at once; make everyone like me or at least not want to hurt me, and protect myself from all things uncomfortable or risky in a relationship. Impossible goals which in the end leave me feeling misunderstood and lonely every time. I wish I knew how to break the cycle but it's so easy to slip back into.
How do you really trust when earliest memory is abuse and abuse abuse
fast forward still trapped,,,.
no way out no where to run
just exsisting but not living
the fear never leaves
