hi (high trigger warning)
My name is Gina. I have PTSD from rape and physical n sexual abuse. As well as emotional trauma from psychological/emotional abuse. I've been doing well with it for a while but lately strange things have been happening. The sound of a belt buckle jingling caused me nauseau a disgusted feeling and a little bit of a flashback. Unfortunately I dont remember anything about a belt buckle. I just know it felt like something to do with either the rape or sexual abuse. Also nightmares have been bad. I wake up sick and shaking. I'm not sure where to go from here or what to do with this if anything. I found this community and thought someone could give me some ideas or feedback. Thank you. Oh also not often but certain smells cause me issues as well. Why is this happening again?
@enthusiasticTree4598 Hey there! It's awful you've been through such experiences and that you are remembering them so vividly again, especially as some elements scare you so much. One thing you can do is try to figure out why these flashbacks are coming back to you right now. Is there something you do that is causing you these triggers? Are you near things that you may find troubling? First step could be to try to stay away from these issues that are making you feel so bad - if you can.
@cristiana33well. My son is having a lot of mental health issues right now we're trying to figure out. It's been very stressful but I'm not sure if that could be a trigger or not. I've been with my husband for 24 years. He's very kind and gentle man. Yet. There are times I don't feel safe with him. It's usually when his belt jangles that these occur and in that moment I absolutely cannot stand him. He is my whole heart and I hate those times. I've been in counseling but graduated cause I was doing better and the medicine has been helping but with the new stress I wonder if I need to go back or med adjustment or both
@enthusiasticTree4598
Does your husband know about these triggers you are having towards him when he wears a belt?
Maybe he can wear something else or you both can find together a way for you not to feel triggered anymore or to find a spot where you can always go in your own mind and find peace and reasurrances that everything is okay in the present and this man is actually protecting you. :) Would that help?
My best wishes to figuring out what's up with your son!
@cristiana33i have talked to my husband some yes but we've never really gotten deep into it. I just hate even thinking about it let alone talking about it but I know if I went to him and explained it all he would do whatever it took to help me. He always has. I am just not real open with it. I try and bury it wich I know is bad but it's just to hard. I hate this and I'm so angry I have to face it at all. I just wish I could pretend it didn't happen and live a normal life
@enthusiasticTree4598
One of the classic traits of PTSD is avoidance. It is natural to want to forget and avoid the experience, but without facing it and processing what happened, your symptoms will not go away on their own. Having a therapist go through Cognitive Processing Therapy with you will help a boatload with your symptoms (I know because I had to go through it and am now symptom free). I know this costs money, but it's worth it in the end. And this all is probably hard to hear. I've had years of research in this field, and PTSD is not a set of symptoms one can just ignore. It's heartbreaking and difficult to deal with. You can do it though!
When we go through flashbacks, its our minds trying to learn something that we didn't know before. Its trying to make sense of a nonsensical situation. With some reframing of ideas that revolve around feeling guilty or ashamed, for instance, we can move forward to cope.
You're already strong for reaching out. The next step is just trusting someone enough to help you through the times to come. By all means, be open with your husband. I know it's hard, but a support system is very important for the management of an illness. Summon all your courage here.
I only wish the best for you and hope you find some peace here. If you ever need an ear, feel free to contact me.
@Eltathank you so much
@enthusiasticTree4598 we're all here for ya :) I encourage you if you ever need immediate comfort or someone to talk to, to use our 1-1 chats :)
@HelpfulNick95thank you
@enthusiasticTree4598 just checking in, have you taken advantage of the resources we offer her or talked to a listener? Hope all is well - Nick
@HelpfulNick95yea I been talking to a listener on and off. Pretty happy with her so far. I'm starting therapy next week and to be honest I don't like it but I know stuff has to come out. Just tried therapy once a very long time ago and it took me to a very very dark place. Nothing with the therapist or anything. She was great but it was really bad so I stopped. I mostly tell people now I graduated from it so they won't make me go. With my son going through what he is I'm doing this for him but I really am pretty scared. Along with the other things something very bad happened to me when I was 12. Pretty horrific and that's one thing I have not ever let anyone go near. I don't know if I ever can but I'm going to take baby steps. Just real scared. Thank you for checking in. :)
@enthusiasticTree4598 Of course and I am so glad you are taking the steps to better yourself and seemingly the relationship you have with your son :) Not only are you facing your fears of getting these things out on the table for you, but for others as well, to overall better your and his life, and that by itself is the definition of courage and strength. I'm glad you are using a listener on the side of the therapist to help you along this path and I would like you to know that being scared is definitely an acceptable emotion with the situation you are going through. Keep your head up, deep breaths, you got this :)
@HelpfulNick95thank you so much
@enthusiasticTree4598 Of course! Keep us updated if you ever have problems with the listener you have, or if you have worries/anxiety during therapy. We as a community are just here to help you along your path :) Use all the resources we provide here at your disposal :)
@enthusiasticTree4598
@enthusiasticTree4598
This may seem odd, but what about instead of avoiding it, you confront it? Instead of hearing him take off his belt, *you* take it off. This may take baby steps. Maybe first you simply touch it. If that's too hard, you leave, let him take it off and try again the next day. Eventually you may be able to get it partially unbuckled. And then totally unbuckled. And at that point, the sound doesn't control you. You control it. Each step along the way would be a step toward control. Even those times you have to leave, it would be a step forward. Why? Because you tried! You attempted to take control instead of automatically going into fight, flight, freeze.
Now for the tough love bit. You HAVE to tell him how this makes you feel.
You need to explain to your husband that the sound bothers you (and why, to some extent) and let him know. Reverse the situation. If you were causing him distress like this and there was something you could do to help, and he didn't tell you, how would you feel? Like he didn't trust you? Like he didn't feel he could rely on you for help? This man has stood by you for decades. DECADES. He loves you. Let him help you.
As others have said, please feel free to message me. And I hope what I've said comes across in the spirit of was meant. Total support. I'm not judging you or blaming you or calling you weak or anything else negative. I'm simply giving you an idea about how to tackle this. I wish you love, light, happiness , and healing.
Autumn
@Autumnspringsi don't take it as mean at all. You are so right. I know I need to confront it. I know running from it won't make it go away. Yea I know for a fact my hubby will understand I'm just not sure how to approach it. I've known confrontation has always been inevitable it just hurts so much plus now I feel ridiculous for still going through this. My last trauma was many years ago so now I feel I should be over it..thank you so much autumn
@enthusiasticTree4598
You're welcome hon. You say you're not sure how to confront it but earlier you mentioned that you've kind of told him about it. Why don't you suggest to him that it's really been bothering you lately that it still affects you and you want to try to overcome it and this is one way you could think of to fight it. I think you've gotten a lot of good suggestions here so I'm sure you'll find something useful.
As for you "should" be over it by now, screw that. You'll be over it when you're over it. There's no schedule on things like this. Anyone who says otherwise is lying, selling something, or both. And they probably stink. And whatever they're selling probably smells worse.
So yesterday! I took my hubby aside privately while kids were in school and I explained everything as best as I understood anyway. The triggers. The belt thing. All of that. He actually said he's so glad I told him because when I just push him away or pull away without explanation it does hurt him. He takes it personally but if I would just tell him he will give me whatever I need to get through it. Wether it be space or whatever. He knows every single thing I went through so he said it wouldn't be a shock whatever I had to say. Even if it involves him if I let him know he won't take it personal. I am so terribly sorry to him that what the bad ones did to me has to make him the only good one ever suffer. He said he only suffers when I keep him out of it because we've gone through so much together he doesn't want me going through any of it alone ever!!! So I feel a lot better. It was hard and incredibly triggering but he's amazing and I am gonna try and remember everything he said and be more fair to him. Love my honey sooooo much!!! Thanks everyone.
