hi (high trigger warning)
My name is Gina. I have PTSD from rape and physical n sexual abuse. As well as emotional trauma from psychological/emotional abuse. I've been doing well with it for a while but lately strange things have been happening. The sound of a belt buckle jingling caused me nauseau a disgusted feeling and a little bit of a flashback. Unfortunately I dont remember anything about a belt buckle. I just know it felt like something to do with either the rape or sexual abuse. Also nightmares have been bad. I wake up sick and shaking. I'm not sure where to go from here or what to do with this if anything. I found this community and thought someone could give me some ideas or feedback. Thank you. Oh also not often but certain smells cause me issues as well. Why is this happening again?
@enthusiasticTree4598 Hey there! It's awful you've been through such experiences and that you are remembering them so vividly again, especially as some elements scare you so much. One thing you can do is try to figure out why these flashbacks are coming back to you right now. Is there something you do that is causing you these triggers? Are you near things that you may find troubling? First step could be to try to stay away from these issues that are making you feel so bad - if you can.
@cristiana33well. My son is having a lot of mental health issues right now we're trying to figure out. It's been very stressful but I'm not sure if that could be a trigger or not. I've been with my husband for 24 years. He's very kind and gentle man. Yet. There are times I don't feel safe with him. It's usually when his belt jangles that these occur and in that moment I absolutely cannot stand him. He is my whole heart and I hate those times. I've been in counseling but graduated cause I was doing better and the medicine has been helping but with the new stress I wonder if I need to go back or med adjustment or both
@enthusiasticTree4598
Does your husband know about these triggers you are having towards him when he wears a belt?
Maybe he can wear something else or you both can find together a way for you not to feel triggered anymore or to find a spot where you can always go in your own mind and find peace and reasurrances that everything is okay in the present and this man is actually protecting you. :) Would that help?
My best wishes to figuring out what's up with your son!
@enthusiasticTree4598
@enthusiasticTree4598
This may seem odd, but what about instead of avoiding it, you confront it? Instead of hearing him take off his belt, *you* take it off. This may take baby steps. Maybe first you simply touch it. If that's too hard, you leave, let him take it off and try again the next day. Eventually you may be able to get it partially unbuckled. And then totally unbuckled. And at that point, the sound doesn't control you. You control it. Each step along the way would be a step toward control. Even those times you have to leave, it would be a step forward. Why? Because you tried! You attempted to take control instead of automatically going into fight, flight, freeze.
Now for the tough love bit. You HAVE to tell him how this makes you feel.
You need to explain to your husband that the sound bothers you (and why, to some extent) and let him know. Reverse the situation. If you were causing him distress like this and there was something you could do to help, and he didn't tell you, how would you feel? Like he didn't trust you? Like he didn't feel he could rely on you for help? This man has stood by you for decades. DECADES. He loves you. Let him help you.
As others have said, please feel free to message me. And I hope what I've said comes across in the spirit of was meant. Total support. I'm not judging you or blaming you or calling you weak or anything else negative. I'm simply giving you an idea about how to tackle this. I wish you love, light, happiness , and healing.
Autumn
@Autumnspringsi don't take it as mean at all. You are so right. I know I need to confront it. I know running from it won't make it go away. Yea I know for a fact my hubby will understand I'm just not sure how to approach it. I've known confrontation has always been inevitable it just hurts so much plus now I feel ridiculous for still going through this. My last trauma was many years ago so now I feel I should be over it..thank you so much autumn
@enthusiasticTree4598
You're welcome hon. You say you're not sure how to confront it but earlier you mentioned that you've kind of told him about it. Why don't you suggest to him that it's really been bothering you lately that it still affects you and you want to try to overcome it and this is one way you could think of to fight it. I think you've gotten a lot of good suggestions here so I'm sure you'll find something useful.
As for you "should" be over it by now, screw that. You'll be over it when you're over it. There's no schedule on things like this. Anyone who says otherwise is lying, selling something, or both. And they probably stink. And whatever they're selling probably smells worse.
So yesterday! I took my hubby aside privately while kids were in school and I explained everything as best as I understood anyway. The triggers. The belt thing. All of that. He actually said he's so glad I told him because when I just push him away or pull away without explanation it does hurt him. He takes it personally but if I would just tell him he will give me whatever I need to get through it. Wether it be space or whatever. He knows every single thing I went through so he said it wouldn't be a shock whatever I had to say. Even if it involves him if I let him know he won't take it personal. I am so terribly sorry to him that what the bad ones did to me has to make him the only good one ever suffer. He said he only suffers when I keep him out of it because we've gone through so much together he doesn't want me going through any of it alone ever!!! So I feel a lot better. It was hard and incredibly triggering but he's amazing and I am gonna try and remember everything he said and be more fair to him. Love my honey sooooo much!!! Thanks everyone.
