These things were not OK *multiple TW*

Your employee is disrespectful, a bully and abusive. So are you. Because what you allow them to do is as bad as the things you do yourself.

It's not OK for any of you to treat me as if I'm just a piece of the office furniture.

It's not OK for any of you to not provide the information I need in order to do my job.

It's not OK for you to scream at me because your alcoholism has turned your personal life to a wreck.

It's not OK for you to lie to me and place me in the middle of your garbage.

It's not OK for your employee to throw things when they want to act like children.

It's not OK for your employee to call me names, belittle me and bully me.

It's not OK that when I ask you to do something about it repeatedly, you have done nothing.

It's not OK your employee is allowed to this way because his sister is your girlfriend.

It's not OK that I've given up because once again there is no help and when I express my needs, they are dismissed and ignored.

Your hiring decisions.

Bringing a random, unstable, delusional and violent individual into my presence without my foreknowledge or consent was not OK.

Being trapped in a room with someone wrapped in a fantasy of taking some woman to start their own commune in the cosmos and having a hundred babies was not OK.

This person touching me was not OK. Not my hand, not my arm, certainly not my hair, not anything. Do not put your hands on me. You do not have that right.

This person stating they could rape me and there is nothing I could do about it was not OK.

That I would be forced to defend myself if they tried it was not OK.

Telling me that you knew this person was crazy within 5 minutes was not OK.

Further telling me that you deliberately left once you knew that was far beyond not OK.

Nothing about this was OK. Nothing. You brought this person here and left me trapped and alone with them for hours. Deliberately. Knowingly. Left. Me. Alone.

TW: Stalking, violence, drug addiction

Tying into CPTSD thread.

V - Your actions weren't directed at me. It was not personal and I was only a collateral bit of your obsession. I know this and intellectually understand it. I understand you have anxiety and abandonment issues and addiction.

That does not matter. You were aware that I suffer from this. You were aware that I was violently stalked for years. You were aware that I did not want you in my life in any way at all for any reason. You were aware that it was due to your own actions and decisions that I made that choice.

You choose not to seek help comprehensive help for your mental and emotional issues. You choose to either abuse your medication or refuse to take it. You chose to start using again for whatever reason. All of these are OK. Your choices. I hope you are clean again and back in a support program.

You did not respect my boundary. One that I set for my own health and safety. That was not OK.

You psychically attacked a mutual friend on more than one occasion. Not OK. Ever.

You deliberately tried to destroy a 10 year friendship and the only support I had when I needed it most. Not OK.

You actively, deliberately searched for my house and had, possibly still have, a drug dealer watching it to report back to you. That was and is not OK.

You threatened me with violence over social media and publicly multiple times. Not OK.

You falsely and publicly accused me of very serious illegal acts. Not OK.

You continue to disrespect my boundary by attempting to contact me indirectly. Not OK.

NO. There will be no amends made here. There is no justification, no reason, no excuse. None. I will deal with the effects of your actions for some time to come. You will not know what those are. I wish you well on your journey through life and hope you have a better future. Respect the boundary I have drawn and leave me alone. Those are the only amends you can make.

I forgive you. Not for you. I doubt it will make much difference to you either way. Forgiveness is for those that grant it. Harboring bitterness only hurts those that carry it.

We were a good team. We were friends. We laughed and talked and enjoyed each others company. Occasional lovers. Took you a year to wear me down. No strings attached, just a little fun here and there. Two people that could relate and shared a lot of common interests. I had your back. I thought you had mine. You promised me a lot of things. Most of which I knew you would never do. I didn't hold that against you. You had a plan and said you wanted me to be part of that plan. I never believed it most of it. But I did base some of my choices on what I did believe.

Then it all just stopped. If your plan changed you could have just told me. You threw me out of your bed at 3 am. Handed me a cup of coffee and very politely threw me out of your house a few hours later. Cut me off and cut me out completely. Treated me like crap for nearly a year. No word, no warning, no explanation. Nothing. Just actions that screamed fuck you. You couldn't even be bothered to say it. All I could do was take it. Not like I had a choice in that. I had to see you every day. Tried to talk to you about it. You wouldn't. So what could I do? Nothing but wonder what had I done or not done? Said or not said? Take whatever you chose to dish out to me that day. The icy silences. Screaming at me for I don't even know what.

Forgive you? I did. You tell me it wasn't personal. Maybe not for you but for me it was very personal. I was lied to from the moment we first talked. It wasn't OK. Find that out from you? No. I found out through others that did know. People that lied for you and covered up for you. I'm still lied to. It's still not OK. You'll never understand how much your lies have destroyed my life and my plans for the future. I'm still dealing with the fallout and will be for quite some time. Have my back? I used to believe that. Not anymore. I believe nothing from you and expect nothing from you but more empty words. I still had your back for awhile. Not so much now. I don't care anymore. You'll still go your way and I'll still go mine. But don't think I'll be there for you again. It wasn't OK.

Mom, your a bully and that's not OK. No, it's not OK that I spent the day shaking, unfocused and trying to pull myself out of a deep depression. No, it's not OK that you interrupt my job with whatever crap you want to lay at my door again. It's not OK that you talk the talk and don't walk the walk. It's not OK that it's always been about what you want. When did you ever consider my needs?

Your vague BS. It's designed to be that way. Your passive aggressive behavior. The guilt trips, the tirades, the rages. The way you claim helplessness and wallow in being your own victim. The sideways insults. The insinuations. The projection. The controlling. The implied and direct character assassinations. Unfounded accusations. The judgement. It's not OK.

You laid a lifetime of your crap at my door when I was a child. All these years later, you're still laying it. Carry your own crap or dump it on someone else. I'm not picking it up any more and you can't force it on me.

When people go to seek help for something it's not OK when they're ignored, dismissed or gaslighted. It's even worse when people are paying for that help.

Shut your mouth, stop making assumptions based off what you think you know or the latest flavor of the day and LISTEN. Maybe then you can actually help. That's what I'm paying you for. Anything else is not OK.

It's not OK that there's a pornographic picture and racist comments still on the newbie hub feed hours after the actual post was deleted.

Three of the four threads I started on these forums have been spammed by at least one sick individual that thinks it's funny to post pornographic photos.

That's not OK.

I was bullied and harassed on another thread. Repeatedly. After I asked that person to stop.

That's not OK.

I am being actively stalked by a violent, delusional, mentally ill individual.

My anonymity is VITAL to me. This morning I shared a few kind words for others in the sharing circle. At least some of those things were screenshotted and then reposted in the circle many hours later. For all to see. Without my knowledge, without my permission and in violation of the rules.

That is not OK. That is not in any way, shape or form OK.

Doesn't matter the content or the person's intentions. It wasn't theirs to pass around. I don't know how many times it happened. I just happened to pop back in the room and catch it just before it vanished. What makes this worse? It was done by members that frequently host. People I trusted. They knew better and chose to do it anyway. At least one of them knew I was in the room for hours and never mentioned it. This also happened after I was witness to a listener hosting in the morning, who not only didn't follow the guidelines for hosting, but who also berated, shamed and dismissed several members.

Absolutely NONE of this was OK. Especially not for a place that professes to exist to help people who are struggling and in need.

I feel my privacy was invaded. I feel violated. Again. What little trust I had is completely shattered. I no longer feel safe in the only place I have felt even the slightest bit safe for years. Because what else is now out there? How much more captured, kept and passed around?

Once again, I was wrong. Once again, the people who are supposed to stop this, failed. Utterly. No apology from the moderator I asked to be in the room when I called this out. No assurance that anything would be done. No. What I received was patronizing and platitudes. OK, thank you for sharing that, lets move on. The only outcry came from other members who were quickly shut down.

NOT OK.

I was asked if I reported it. No, I did not. I was too shocked to even think of it at the time. Besides, report it to whom? The admins that already did nothing?

I've experienced enough trauma for 100 lifetimes. Thank you for adding to it.

The answer to the question that no one bothered to ask? NO, right now I'm not OK.