PTSD-like symptoms from relationship breakup

@jamie2001uk

Hello, and welcome to 7 cups.

I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with painful memories. Relationship break ups really do hurt. I can relate with being easily triggered. It's been a journey for me discovering why I get triggered and how to deal with it but I believe it has been worth it and I wish you the best of luck on you own journey.

I'm sorry to hear how withdrawn you have become. That sounds very lonely. But sometimes we need some time and space to heal. And that's OK. Thank you for sharing and I hope you continue to find ways to connect on 7 cups that help you.

This shall too pass

@jamie2001uk

@jamie2001uk

Hi Jamie, I think you made a very accurate diagnosis about yourself. It absolutely sounds like you've got a bit of PTSD from that sudden breakup. I actually went through something similar last year. Mundane things around me would trigger me and the amount of pain was so unbearable. And I disagree with the others in this forum- Not amount of time not space can heal traumatic wounds until you sit with the emotions and rebuild those neural pathways through having experiences that directly contradict the trauma. And this process can take years.

First of all, I am so sorry that this happened to you. It is awful and I can only imagine how hard it must be to reclaim your identity and sense of self when you're feeling so out of sorts. The emotional abuse you described only heightens the feelings of abandonment. I can't provide any immediate solutions for you, I will say that what you're feeling right now completely makes sense. In fact, it's impressive how accurately you've described what you're feeling and connected it to trauma. Over time, c-PTSD can cause you to dissociate and can make the process of dealing with it even more difficult, as you have to sit with the alarm in your body first before trying to mentally work through any traumatic memories.

I just want to list some ways to calm your fight-or-flight response from the triggers, through a trauma-based methodology, from literature+shaped with my own experiences with trauma.

As soon as you're aware of yourself during or after the traumatic flashback itself, you need to calm your bodily reactions and your fight-or-flight response that goes off.

At that moment if you’re having panic attack-like symptoms, first try to identify what parts of your body are feeling pained and then apply pressure against them as you take deep breaths.

Simple method: Place one hand on your chest and apply pressure. Place your other hand on your diaphragm and take deep breaths that move your stomach, placing your hand there will make it easier to breathe deeply (no need to apply pressure here).

Keep following that method until you can breathe independently a bit. If your fight-or-flight response is still going off strongly even after that, move one of your hands to the spot beneath your ear and right above your jaw. Apply pressure here with two fingers and hold it there/massage it. This stimulates your vagus nerve directly to physiologically calm down that response.

Once you can yawn, you're good to go.

Learning to observe and tolerate physical reactions to feelings is a prerequisite to any further thought and trauma exploration. I personally find that applying pressure with my hands against my lower neck and chest region helps me calm down a little bit. Once I can be calm enough to voice my own thoughts, I move on to step 2.

Step 2: Have new, positive experiences that contradict the negative emotions you feel when you are having flashbacks, etc.

Although Step 2 is a more long-term step, I find that a similar calming effect can be achieved if I voice or write down affirmations that contradict how the trauma flashbacks are making me feel and acknowledge that the flashbacks/hallucinations are not real. I say “This isn’t real”, “You’re okay”, “I’m okay”, “I am strong”, or “I am safe”— any phrase that can help me break free from the mental aspect of it. Becoming aware of what traumatic thoughts trigger physical sensations and hallucinations can help you formulate what thoughts to repeat to yourself to calm down. Here, journaling really helps me. I write down exactly what I feel at the moment, write down the pros and cons of the situation, and then write affirmations if I need them.

In a long-term sense, building positive relationships with others has helped me to be more open and kind to myself. Calming myself just enough to have the courage to open up— and then seeing and experiencing things that directly contradict my trauma has been very helpful in a long-term sense. This helps to rebuild neural pathways, as mentioned in step 3.

Step 3: Rebuild new neural pathways through processing traumatic memories

I only recommend this step once you can successfully use steps 1 and 2 to calm your flashbacks without needing any more than 12 hours. In Step 3, you should process and put the trauma into words so that you can recognize what exactly it is that is causing these physical responses.

Even as I have completed all three steps, I still get triggered to this day and find myself pressing on my chest, breathing deeply, and whispering affirmations. I don't often vocalize the trauma once I'm already aware of it- no need to trigger the flashbacks. Trauma is something that isn’t easily healed, but I wanted to share with you the trauma-informed methodology that worked for me and what gave me further insight into myself.

I wish you good luck and I recommend you the book “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and the Body in the Healing of Trauma”, by Bessel Van Der Kolk.