My mom was trapped and I enjoyed watching it

@creativeStrings1531

Hi, that makes sense that you'd feel that way based on the situation you were in. Your mom was trying to kidnap you and your brother, but the babysitter's husband helped protect you and keep you safe by getting in the way of what your mom was trying to do. (I could understand if maybe there were also a bit of conflict about getting some peace or relief from a situation that was hurting your mom.)

I talk to my therapist about this and I have also told her that I feel like the babysitter's husband is my hero and role model

I talk with my therapist and tell her that I feel like I will trap my mom someday just like the babysitter's husband did to my mom

Holidays are hard cause I feel like if my mom was to show up unannounced during a holiday that I would enjoy trapping her

I get to see my therapist today

I hate the holiday time don't know if my mom will show up unannounced

I hate not knowing if my mom will show up unannounced

Feel if my mom were to show up unannounced I would be ready to trap her

Experience don’t make you worse they only teaches what you need to know. Life can never be easy if second chance can’t be given because one thing is sure that I know human we will always make mistakes.

Get to go see my therapist today

Get to see my therapist today

Hope that my mom never shows up unannounced to my house

@creativeStrings1531 Hi. It sounds like you have some mixed feelings and may be trying to reach out to talk more about this. I have felt that apprehension hoping that an abusive family member wouldn’t come to my house too. As well as wanting to be prepared for if it ever did happen. You’re not alone. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m glad that nothing more happened that day. But I also know how these memories stay with us. I’m around here on the forums every so often if you want to talk about it more.

@EmbracingChaos

Yes I feel I have the fight part of PTSD

@creativeStrings1531 I understand. I get the fight reflex too sometimes. I think it wants us to acknowledge our anger, that the person did something that was not ok. You are allowed to be angry. It is ok to say that your mother was wrong for trying to kidnap you. It is ok to be glad that she was stopped.

@EmbracingChaos

I feel sometimes if my mom were to show up unannounced that I would put her through everything that the babysitter's husband did to her and I have told this to my therapist

@creativeStrings1531 I think we imagine those scenarios because we want to take our power back. As children we were so helpless and had to rely on adults for survival (whether they could actually be relied on or not). Sometimes we had to find our own ways to survive. I know for myself, I always feel a strong need now to defend myself, fight back, and stand up for myself. I think it’s natural, and we’re learning how to do it. I think it’s really awesome that you talk to your therapist about it! Does it help you feel better?

@EmbracingChaos

Sometimes it is nice to talk to my therapist other times I feel like if my mom were to show up unannounced that I would be ready to trap her and do all that the babysitter's husband did to her when he was protecting me and my brother

@creativeStrings1531 It sounds like the babysitter was doing some good things defending and protecting you.

@EmbracingChaso

Yes he was

@EmbracingChaso

The babysitter's husband means alot to me I would love to see him right now he is my hero and role model

@EmbracingChaso

I have written the babysitter's husband with no response from him yet

@creativeStrings1531 That sounds like a nice idea to reconnect with a childhood hero like that. I hope you hear back from him soon!

I am going to write another later to the babysitter's husband

I meant to say I am going to write another letter to the babysitter's husband

I really hope to reconnect with my hero and role model of the babysitter's husband soon I think I'm going to write him another letter hopefully he will respond this time

It was fun for me to watch my mom and the babysitter's husband skip around the outside of her car and to hear my mom say dinky dinky let me go as they skipped

I hate that my therapist is getting rid of me

Hopefully I can get a new therapists again soon

Well my therapist got rid of me she is supposed to send me information about peer support and crisis information

I have have no more therapist to see

It is sad to have no therapist

I really hope to get a new therapist this year

My mom gets me so excited when she says dinky dinky

My mom makes me very excited when she says dinky dinky because when she and babysitters husband skipped around the outside of her car when the babysitters husband trapped her she said dinky dinky this is stinky let me go

Getting back to go see a therapist next week I get really excited when I hear my mom say dinky dinky

Just started to see a therapist again yesterday

I have told my therapist if I ever feel like I was going to trap my mom that I would turn myself into the police I would feel more comfortable turning myself into the police before I could go through with trapping her and chasing her around her car