Cults
Hey everyone,
It occurred to me that maybe there wasn't being enough said on this topic. I wanted to provide a safe place to land for those of you who are cult survivors. A cult is defined as the following:
"In the sociological classifications of religious movements, a cult is a religious or social group with socially deviant or novel beliefs and practices.[ However, whether any particular group's beliefs and practices are sufficiently deviant or novel is often unclear, thus making a precise definition problematic.]" (Wiki)
Please feel free to share your stories here and receive support.
Thank you for helping me open the dialogue.
Any non survivors could also reference the podcast Stuff You Should Know who covered this topic as well.
@blitheSun94 This is actually an area of specialization for me! I wrote my dissertation on therapy with former cult members and I have worked with a good number of them over the years. Happy to answer any questions people might have on this topic. Here are links to the two main ways to define cults - the Singer & Lifton criteria:
http://www.csj.org/studyindex/studymindctr/study_mindctr_singer.htm
http://www.csj.org/studyindex/studymindctr/study_mindctr_lifton.htm
@DrNatalieFeinblatt I do have a question if you could help at all
I recently left a cult but I'm really struggling to find resources that relate to my situation.
Everything I've found online relates to religious cults specifically, and is written with the assumption that the person escaped by themself.
My situation is different though. The group I was part of started off as a Leather family (BDSM/kink) rather than being based on a particular religion or recognised spiritual practice. We had plenty or strict rules and it otherwise meets all the criteria for being a cult.
Also the cult itself no longer exists. The leader was publicly outed as a rapist and abuser, and the cult (thankfully) fell apart after that. Only one member stuck by the leader, everybody else left.
Do you know of any resources that could help people who left non-religious cults? Because all the ones I've found so far that deal with recovery and mental health issues related to cult membership are heavily focused on, or relate back to *religious* beliefs and abuse.
They also focus a lot on the fear and trauma around knowing your cult still exists. I've read heaps that talks about how important it is to not stay in contact with current cult members (which makes perfect sense). But most of my social circle is now made up of peple who (exactly like me) *used* to be in the cult, but aren't any more.
I don't want to cut ties with them, but I'd hate for us to hinder each other in moving on from the dependency we had on each other.
So, yeah, if you know of any resources or groups that deal with those sorts of issues it'd be greatly appreciated.
Thank you
@DrNatalieFeinblatt
Is it possible for us to communicate? I want to talk to a person who is pro-LGBT, religious, and deals with the issue of cults.
Thank you.
Resources
http://www.safepassagefoundation.org/ - Safe Passage Foundation is a not-for-profit tax-exempt organization that provides resources, support and advocacy for youth raised in restrictive, isolated or high-demand communities, often referred to as "cults" by society at large.
https://www.openmindsfoundation.org/ - Support for those who have been controlled and manipulated by others such as being part of a cult. organised abuse etc
http://www.cultinformation.org.uk - Helping people affected by cults in the UK - Established 1987
http://www.icsahome.com/ - International Cultic Studies Association
http://www.encourage-cult-survivors.org/ - Encourage - For Survivors of cults and abuse
https://survivorship.org/ - For Survivors of ritual abuse, mind control, torture
http://rans.org.uk/ - Provides information and a safe place for Survivors of ritual abuse. Also offers a service called Izzys Promise - provides information, resources and training for agencies that support ritual abuse survivors.
http://www.tag-uk.net/ritualabuse.html - Raises awareness of ritual abuse, dissociation, attachment, trauma and abuse recovery
As someone who was brought up in a cult until the age of 16; I'd like to thank you for making this thread, and having some resorces there.
I'd just like to say that Safe Passage Foundation in particularly is really worthy of your support, and they have helped a lot of people!
@sweetMelody95 hey Melody thanks for that information, and it sounds like its a great resource. What experience have you had if any of this organisation? And yes its good to have this thread here for people such as yourself to feel less alone and more able to speak openly about your experiences. Thanks 
@dancingRainbow45 I don't have any direct experience with them. However in the cult I grew up in we were denied an education, and the safe passage foundation helped to pay for scolerships for some of my peers, to make it easier for them to be able to go on to study after they left.
@sweetMelody95 Thanks for sharing that information and yes a lot of cults are very good at isolating people and not allowing children to attend mainstream education, instead opting often to provide their own "education". But it was good to hear that the scholarships have enabled others to get the education they wanted :)
@sweetMelody95
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and resources with 7 Cups. 
@blitheSun94 You're welcome!
Oh, and I just thought I'd also mention, that if you buy from amazon via this liink: http://smile.amazon.com/Prime-Day/b?ie=UTF8&node=13887280011 then some of the money goes directly back to them!
Belong here. It was a Chr*st*an cult. Most wouldn't think it's a cult but it was very ritualized and traumatic. Birth - 21... lots of pain and abuse in that religion... It was fundie Pentecostalism... I was in a private school/institution from grades K-12... shut in closets for 3 school days/sokitary confinement... public shaming and ridicule, sexual inappropriateness, and LOTS of verbal and emotional abuse...
@LovelyChantel
I can tell this was difficult for you to share, thank you so much for doing so. You are not alone, unfortunately. Extremism in all it's forms is never a good thing. I hope you have managed to surround yourself with love and support. <3
I hate so much that I was brought up in a sex cult. Even worse is that it's still affecting me and those I care about over 15 years later. Even when there is some kind of justice, the abuser only get a light sentance, while we are sentanced to life.
@resourcefulPond1641 Hey Pond, Thank you for sharing your words here and for having the courage to do so. It must take a lot to share what you did and it must feel sometime as though you the one sentances to a lifetime of feeling trapped with everything you have gone through while they get away with everything. It is possible to overcome what happened to you but its a long road to recovery. Its not going to be easy but leaving the environment that you left is one of the hardest things you did.
You went through and Survived what a lot of people would be unable to cope with. You are a strong person even when you don't feel that way and no it should never of happened you to. The strength you had to survive what you did can now be used to help you begin to heal from what you went through.
How do you feel about the fact you left?
@Rain45
I'm very glad I was able to leave; however, I guess because I left along with other members of my biological family when I was 16 years old, so it didn't really feel like it was my choice to leave. I didn't leave. It was just another thing that happened to me that I had no choice in. I remember feeling anger that they didn't even ask me if that's what I wanted. Also, as much as I might have wanted to leave, I wonder if I would have had the strength to leave on my own. Honestly I doubt it. I feel that the circumstances of my leaving were very disempowering, even though the outcome was good in the sense that once I was out I could slowly learn to have my own agency as a person in my own right, although that has taken me many years.
@resourcefulPond1641 That seems quite a mixture of emotions you describe in your post Pond and one that perhaps has you with conflicting emotions at times? Im glad that there are times when you feel glad that you did leave the situation you grew up in, and that you know deep down that for you the outcome was the right one for you, where you could slowly learn to become a person in your own right again, however long this has taken you, and will continue to take you. But I do hear how because it wasnt your choice, it did leave you feeling disempowered. If members of your biological family had decided not to have left, do you feel you would have gotten to the stage where you would have left? I guess growing up in the environment you did, there was little choice for you and so when they decided to leave taking you with them, it was just another example of where you once again had no choice? i think its only natural too that you would have felt anger, anger that this decision was being made from you, but also that you were being uprooted into the unknown perhaps? What do you feel?
*whispers "I fit here"*
I was there 18 months. Disguised as a Christian rehabilitation centre. They'll never know what I went through.
I went 19/06/13 and "graduated" 21/12/14
I was defiant and tenacious, I got the heavy artillery as a mentor.
*runs away now*
@Tenacity37 *Whispers back* tho would like to shout it out for all to hear, you do fit here*
How do you feel about what you went through Tenacity?
Maybe that defianess and tenacity got you through what you had to go through?
Maybe one day you wont feel the need to run away?
@Rain45
I feel different, alone, misunderstood, less scared now, damaged, very damaged.
it is what got me through, tenacity, and that i already knew what abuse looked like and what it took to survive.
*goes and sits in the corner under her invisibility cloak*
@Tenacity37 Hey Tenacity You know something, and I know you may not believe me and thats okay, but I and others get the feeling pf being different, we get the feeling of being alone and of being misunderstood and of feeling damaged because though our experiences may be similar, may be different, the one thing trauma leaves people feeling is all the feelings you describe here. And Im really truly sorry that you feel this much pain and sadness in your heart 
And when you have grown up in the kind of environment you have tenacity, that is exactly the kinds of feelings you are left with, and exactly the kinds of feelings your abusers would have wanted you to have felt, for that would have played into their tactics, of isolating you from the world and keeping you a prisoner to their world.
You dont have to be invisible anymore, you dont have to hide away anymore. You can come out from under that cloak any time you feel safe to, you can even hold onto a hand for strength and hope if you need, for you have nothing to feel ashamed about, you have nothing to feel bad about now. All that matters now is you and your safety. I hope one day you dont feel these kinds of feelings anyone and come to realise you are not alone, and that you are visible and you matter and though you have been made to feel as though your damaged, that you are precious despite all that happened to you
@Rain45
I didn't completely run away this time
@Tenacity37 Thats okay Tenacity, so how about you say how things are for you now. When you say you didnt completely run away, what have you managed to do so far for you? And you know its really hard to break away completely first time around and often people find they can only break ties bit by bit by bit over time and this is often what survivors find. Sometimes, its the phone contact that is the last to go.
@Rain45
*curls up in the corner*
They have a saying in the autistic community "one person with autism is one person with autism" I feel like similar can be said within the trauma community "one day with C/PTSD is one day with C/PTSD".
No two days are the same, coping one day, dealing with messed up beliefs, misunderstandings the next, angry one day, grieving the next, chipping away at life. But nobody lives in our shoes, nobody walks a day in our shoes.
I fit here. I hate that I fit here. I hate that my view of God is seen with abuse coloured glasses.
They destroyed everything good in my life so that I would become dependent on them and become their robot.
As soon as they realised I had God on my side though and I wasn't going to conform, all hell broke loose, and they blamed me.
@Tenacity37 You are very right Tenacity, no one lives in your shoes, not even those who have been through similar experiences and can empathise with some of what you may be going through because only you an truly know what it feels like to be living with what you are experiencing, but you have people here who are willing to walk beside you and to sit beside you, even in those times when you may wish to curl up in that corner, even if to only offer a blanket, or a hand to hold onto, or to just sit close by, until your ready to talk. Its so very hard. No one can proclaim to fully appreciate what your going through but we care and we are here for you Tenacity. Leaving one world or one culture and then trying to fit into another is so very hard. But things can change, and things can improve little by little over time. It may not seem like it now, but it is possible.
Historically, yes they tried to destroy everything that was good in your life, and it may seem that way now for you now as you begin to unravel the damage that the abuse has caused, but the damage can be healed. You dont have to continue to be that robot any longer. They blamed you to make you feel bad because they couldnt control you any longer, they were losing their grip and control over you, and they were not going to blame themselves. You were vulnerable and you were the vulnerable target sadly who was all too easy to blame. I hope one day you will be able to see you were not to blame for the situation that happened to you
@Rain45
*curls up in the corner and cries*
they considered themselves gods, his mouthpiece, spokesperson.
i was different, i wasn't addicted to drugs or alcohol, i had different issues.
i also went in Christian, most don't go in as Christians, but become Christians during their time (it's basically compulsary)
they didn't have a blank slate with me, they had to break all the other beliefs down first to build up their own version of Christianity
I wouldn't have a bar of it, they never broke me.
I got the director as my mentor
she really is a monster
they made me contact my biological family, ask for forgiveness
they made me write letters to anybody i had told about PR (paternal relation) abusing me, saying that i lied to them...
*runs away back to the corner and hides under my cloak and cries*
@Rain45
They started the whole cycle all over again, with PR the conditioning, abuse, surrounded my life in abuse all over again, when I was 2 years free.
I had learned from PR that the only way to survive was to manipulate people. I don't do that anymore. That's all they ever saw me as though, not even when I started changing, because I learned how bad it felt to be manipulated, and I didn't want to do that to anyone else, because they were doing it to me.
@Tenacity37
It sounds a bit familiar, VO by any chance? That is where I was. They first saved my life, then destroyed it.
I am really sorry you had to go through this. ❤
@MaschaV
I don't know what that stands for
@Tenacity37
Don't worry, it was not them then.
I hope all is well ❤
I've already posted my story elsewhere so I will just leave a link here: https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaticExperiencesCommunity_60/DissociationDID_919/Shareyourstory_50343/
I also posted some links in the resources thread within the DID section but I'll post them here in case anyone wants them.
Satanic Ritual Abuse ***Trigger warning for all links below***
What Ritual abuse is and common cults: https://ritualabuse.us/ritualabuse/articles/whatisra/
Common mind control programs in SRA survivors: https://ritualabuse.us/ritualabuse/articles/common-programs-observed-in-survivors-of-satanic-ritualistic-abuse/
Recovering from RA/MC: https://ritualabuse.us/smart-conference/2015-conference/the-long-voyage-out-the-epic-challenge-of-recovery-from-organized-abuse/
https://ritualabuse.us/smart-conference/2014-conference/overcoming-mind-control-keys-to-recovery/
