~~The logical side of me tells me that I am not going to die. The past is the past is there is nothing that I can't do about it. Except I have the "should of", "would of" and "could of" constantly running in my head.
But then logical side of me is asking me of what is triggering it, why it is happening now. I have gone through periods of times where it doesn't happen. It is worst in October because that is when it happen, and it is March.
So I am trying to figure out of why. For one thing, I am stressed to the point where I have hives and my hair has been falling out. I have to go in for surgery which it seems like I am jumping through hoops to get the date set. My boyfriend's child is hospitalized and there is not a damn thing that I could do about it.
And then I am trying to forgive this person who is the cause this. Except he has never shown any remorse and he hasn't earn it. So the reason of I want forgive him is so I can let go all of this crap and move it. So I kind of feel selfish because I was raised to put others before your needs.