Bunnie's Honour's Project: Dealing with PTSD due to Emotionally Abusive Relationships
This Honors Project is made by BunnieLuv and is designed to raise awareness about abusive relationships and how it can affect individuals and how to possibly deal with this mental issue. This post might bring TRIGGERS, and if you feel uncomfortable about this topic, I suggest you to refrain from reading this, and browse a listener on your member account.
What is PTSD?
PTSD, or Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, is a form of disorder that is caused by stressful situations, or dangerous events. We normally experience fear after distressing situations, but people who might have recurring problems and symptoms have a possibility that they are struggling with PTSD.
Different situations such as the death of a loved one, sexual assault, physical violence, accidents and abusive relationships can cause PTSD. An individual can experience ongoing (chronic) PTSD or short-term (acute) PTSD. Nevertheless, it can affect the quality of everyday life.
Symptoms of PTSD
According to the National Mental Institute for Health, to be diagnosed of PTSD, a person must have at least 1 of the following symptoms for at least one month:
👉 One re-experiencing symptom (flashbacks, bad dreams, frightening thoughts)
👉 One avoidance symptom (staying away from similar situations and avoiding thoughts that remind them of the event)
👉 Two arousal and reactivity symptoms (easily startled, feeling tense, insomnia, angry outbursts)
👉 Two cognition and mood symptoms (trouble remembering the traumatic event, negative thoughts about themselves or the world, guilt, blame, loss of interest in daily activities)
What is Abuse?
Abuse can come in different forms. It can be physical, emotional, verbal, social, financial, spiritual or sexual. One of the hardest to spot is emotional abuse. This can be observed in romantic relationships, families, and even friendships. Although it isnt as evident as physical abuse, the pain that it causes largely affects an individuals mental health and wellbeing. Emotional abusers tend to undermine the victims self worth, perception of reality, and their confidence. This sometimes coincides with other types of abuse, too and can be a precursor of physical abuse.
Emotionally Abusive Relationships
A healthy relationship typically involves trust, healthy communication, and respect. These kinds of relationships paves away for the betterment of an individual, and also the relationship of two people.
On the other hand, emotionally abusive relationships affect individuals negatively. Not everybody knows that they are in one. How do we know if we are in an emotionally abusive relationship?
Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
🔎 Your partner is gaslighting you. It is when false information is told by the abuser that makes the victim doubt their own memory, letting the abuser gain more power. Example: They are blatantly telling lies about something they committed, that makes you think that they did not do it after all, making you judge your own reality.
🔎 You are both arguing about trivial things, and you ending up the one to apologize, making the victim feel like theyre walking on eggshells.
🔎 You feel uncomfortable telling problems since your partner is angry over your arguments and issues, making you think that opening up is not worth it.
🔎 Your partner enjoys making you mad. Example: A couple getting into a fight because of the boyfriend being irrationally hysterical, and the girl getting frustrated about it. Afterwards, the boyfriend tells the girlfriend, Wow, you just get mad so easily! Youre weird.
🔎 Your partner likes to play the victim card, even if they are the one at fault.
🔎 Your partner gives small affirmations, that makes you stay with them.
🔎 Your partner gives fake apologies, that always shifts the blame to the you. Example: Im sorry that you think I was wrong for going out with my friends without me telling you.
🔎 Your partner is charming and romantic, then the next thing they are wildly hysterical and controlling.
🔎 Your partner prevents you from seeing your loved ones and attending daily activities such as school or work.
🔎 Your partner gets the one to decide what you do, wear or eat.
🔎 Your partner constantly needs to know where you are, and demands to know your passwords in social media.
🔎 Your partner tends to call you names and ridicules you, even in public.
PTSD and Emotional Abusive Relationships
Being with someone who is continually abusive, manipulative, and negative can hugely affect an individuals mental health and well-being. According to The South African College of Applied Psychology, emotional abuse can affect the nervous system the same way physical abuse can. Psychologists identify this as Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and has developed due to long exposure to emotional trauma where the victim has little chance of escaping.
How to Deal with this kind of Relationship?
If you think that most of the signs above describes your relationship, it would be suggested to confide to someone you trust about your situation. It will be helpful to have someone who can support you through this difficult times. It is also suggested to stay away from the abuser to avoid further conflict.
An effective way of dealing with abuse is counseling as they can offer ways on how you can cope with these kinds of trauma. They can provide different kinds of treatment (medications and therapy) that can help your mental health and well-being.
Staying healthy through diet and exercise can be a good coping technique. Relaxation techniques can be good to the mind, too.
There are many different ways to recover, but of course, one should always not force themselves, and only do so once they are ready.
❓ Discussion Questions ❓
1. Who do you think is prone to this kind of abuse?
2. Why do you think emotional abuse is hard to identify?
3. If you have a loved one that is going through this kind of struggle, what can you do to help?
4. What can you do to possibly avoid this kind of situation?
REFERENCES
PSTD:
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml
Abuse:
https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/understand-domestic-violence/types-of-abuse/
https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/abuse.html
Gaslighting:
https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6766/gaslighting-examples/
Emotionally Abusive Relationships:
https://www.prevention.com/sex/relationships/a25359049/signs-of-emotional-abuse/
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-emotional-abuse#find-a-professional
Taggles: @LavenderFlower @Hope @Erato @IsraNMSL @LeetheUnicorn @bear228 @Yendi @SpaceStation2 @ambercares @ItsDev @kindsoul10 @musicalMagic @Tazzie @MieraCurie @Glue
Congratulations to your honours project. :) Well written and easy to understand.
@kindSoul10 Thank you so much, soul, I wanted this to be easily understood for everyone, that is the goal! <3
@BunnieLuv maybe it's offtopic but people with disabilities are prone be abused when forced to live in caring facilities.
@kindSoul10 I see, what might be the reason to that if I may ask? :O
@BunnieLuv it's about dependency, hierarchy, stigma and having limited defensive capabilities.
They are dependent on the staff and usually institutions don't want trouble. So warning signs get ignored, victims are scared to file complains and often there is prejudice that people with (mental) disabilities are not a reliable source. Or it's stigma that people with disabilities don't know what's good for them, so complains get ignored and make them easy targets for abuse.
@kindSoul10 Oh no. This is such a terrible thing, I feel sorry that people with disability are treated like this! :( But I am actually weirded out that I can relate. There was someone that treated me as an unreliable person because I was sick to the core, mentally. I am glad that someone has explained this in this kind of terms--makes me feel understood, if you know what I mean. Thanks so much soul <3
@BunnieLuv yeah I know. -hugs-
@BunnieLuv Many congratulations for this awesome Honors Project. I love how you chose a very important topic, and I see that you have done a great job in presenting a rather tough topic in a simple, easy to grasp way - well done!
I will try to answer these questions soon when I get more time but for now, those are very thought-provoking questions!
Your wings already exist, all you need to do is fly!
@BunnieLuv
First of all I wanna say that I am very proud of you for finishing your Honors Project! It is written so good and everything is so clear making it easy to understand. Congratulations bunbun🌹❤
Now for your questions
1. Who do you think is prone to this kind of abuse?
I think that it can happen to anyone... But I guess the most abused ones are the ones who don't even realize that it is actually abused. Usually because they think that abuse is only physical while it can be emotionally too. Also to people in institutes like people with disabilities, or children in foster cares, and mental health institutes. Because they are more vulnerable then others making them an easier target..
2. Why do you think emotional abuse is hard to identify?
Usually it's because of the lack of knowledge, we tend to think that it is normal and sometimes we don't want to believe it is abuse... We think that we are the wrong ones as our abusive partner make us believe like that... Also I think that an emotionally abusive relationship can be in families and friendship too and not only with your love partner. Something not alot of people realize either...
3. If you have a loved one that is going through this kind of struggle, what can you do to help?
First I would support them. A very important thing. Hmm, I would try to search for solutions with my partner and join him in his recovery, like maybe going to therapists with him and medicate with him. I will also try to build up trust again, and shower him with love... Giving him everything I can and what he deserves🙈
4. What can you do to possibly avoid this kind of situation?
I don't think completely avoiding an emotionally abusive relationship is possible as we never really know how a person is until we date them.... But we should always be aware of the relationship we are in. If we feel like something is wrong, we should kind of track how the relationship is going, and search up if there is indeed something wrong with it. That's why awareness is really important. To let people know that there are different types of abuse...
Another thing is we shouldn't shrug off a bad feeling and accept the truth that it is possible to be emotionally abused. Sometimes people are in denial, making them fall only deeper in the situation rather than to try to get out. Which sadly ends up with ptsd's.
Sorry, I hope my answers kind of make sense. It is 2:32 am and my mind isn't at it's brightest now hihih🙈
@IsraNMSL
Your answers make perfect 👌🏻 sense. Especially about not even realizing abuse is happening-sometimes there is that perception that its just normal. So hard for a child to know any better....but sooner or later they grow up and knowledge is power indeed.
@IsraNMSL Thanks so much Isra for reading and even answering the questions! <3
I agree that emotional abuse can happen to everyone, which means that everybody is at RISK. But I understand where you're coming from about people who are more susceptible such as children and people who have other mental health issues. Also, yes! Emotional abuse is hard to identify due to lack of information about it, not everyone is comfortable to share their experiences, too, which is why I decided to create this project for everybody's knowledge! <3 And yes, emotional abuse can be observed in different kinds of relationship, doesn't have to be romantic.
That's so nice of you being supportive! And yes, therapy and medications can very much help! Knowing that someone is there to support them through their struggles is very very helpful.
I agree that there is no 100% WAY to actually avoid emotional abuse, since as we said earlier, everyone is at risk! But yes, with the right information and being aware of the people we interact with, that can help us in trying to avoid being unguarded with people who can do this to us.
Take care Isra xx
Bunnie 🦋 Congratulations on your Honors Project. You finally did it! Yayyy 🌼🌼🌼 How's it feel like to reach this point? Hee~~ 🙈 To answer your questions:
1. Who do you think is prone to this kind of abuse? 🌼
For me victims with low self esteem might have the tendency to stay in this kind of abuse. They might feel that no one will care as much as the abuser and think they are 100%, responsible for anything wrong that happened in their relationship.
2. Why do you think emotional abuse is hard to identify? 🦋
Most people afraid to seek help in fear of embarrassment if someone would say nothing is wrong with the relationship. Then we will blame ourselves again for thinking that our relationship is problematic. It's a never ending cycle starting from there.
3. If you have a loved one that is going through this kind of struggle, what can you do to help? 🌼
Giving unsolicited advice is absolutely not helping since it would make the victim feels helpless and feel like they're the one to be blame. Giving emotional support and guide them through their feelings might help them realize the importance of breaking the chains and escape from the abuser.
4. What can you do to possibly avoid this kind of situation? 🦋
Being cautious is one thing but identifying the first symptoms of emotional abuse is the most important thing in my opinion.
Hi Miera, thanks for the reply! <3 It feels amazing to post this, I am sure you know :P :) Congratulations to us!
You are correct, people who have self-esteem can be prone to this kind of abuse. One of the reasons why this kind of abuse is hard to observe/know is because the victim thinks otherwise (their fault entirely, no one else will be appreciative of them) which makes them susceptible to stay in this kind of relationship.
True, that is can be a never ending cycle! A dangerous cycle, actually. And yes, one of the reasons why emotional abuse is hard to identify is because of the victim's fear itself of exposing their abuser, or it's also possible that they think that no one will believe them, stuff like that.
Yes, emotional support is very helpful throughout this time! In general, we just want someone to listen and someone to understand. It might also make them realize their worth and what kind of treatment they deserve.
oooh, very good point! Being cautious and knowledgeable about these kinds of things is indeed very helpful!
Take care, Miera xx
That's a really good post. Very informative and you give really good resources to learn more about PTSD and how to get support. I'm really surprised that such high quality content is around, very well done, Bunnie!
Now to answer your questions:
1. Who do you think is prone to this kind of abuse?
Anyone can fall victim to this sort of abuse, but children, teens and people who have low self-esteem and struggle with self-affirmation would be more prone to suffer from it.
2. Why do you think emotional abuse is hard to identify?
It doesn't leave bruises nor scars. There's a fine line between tough love and abuse. And people tend to wish to see the good in others, even if the bad is overwhelming.
3. If you have a loved one that is going through this kind of struggle, what can you do to help?
Be there for them, be a mediator if needed, offer shelter if necessary, call the authorities if it's that serious.
4. What can you do to possibly avoid this kind of situation?
Be very careful with my relationships, cultivate self-love, self-respect and remember that if someone makes me very unhappy through abuse, pretty flowers every month don't make up for it. It's best to leave. And there's always a way out, and there's always a way to get help.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
