Writing to Cope with Isolation (Trigger Warning)
Hello, I'm making a thread for myself, but everyone is welcomed to reply.
I might write triggering things so please be careful.
sdfsdfsdf
darkest light, fainted night
my, where could everybody be?
i see no hand
i see no smile
dancing a duet alone
standing up on my own
i'm a cripple, half legged
half a heart
half a life
half-laughing
and crying
if only could stop being half true
"no one is going to save me"
"no one is going to save me"
"no one is going to save me"
he chanted those words again and again and again, as if those were magic words that could actually save him from the misery.
he scraped the ground with bare, bloody fingers. alone in the thick dark pressing onto his skin.
"no one is going to save me"
not when he scares everything away.
"no one is going to save me"
not when he chained himself in the pit
"no one is going to save me"
every one of them who had lend a hand fell down and faded. some left others lie. they lie. they lie. they lie. pity him. pity him. the poor, helpless child. pity how he wouldn't take of the chains. pity how he mocks himself. because no one is going to save him. not when he asked for it.
@Kara13V
I recently found out that I might have BPD. Back then I was 80% sure I have it, but now that I've observed myself for 3 years, I am 99% sure.
It literally explains everything I do. I'm so relieved, I want to cry. But I can't talk to a therapist due to financial problems and mental illnesses' stigma in my family.
All this time, I thought nobody else was experiencing stuff like me. I thought I was doomed to be this way forever. I thought I'd be alone forever because of who I am (who am I anyway??)
It feels really isolating, but at least now I know there are others like me out there.
@Luchelle
You found out you may have BPD. You have observed and done the research - you are almost sure you may have it. It defines and explains your behaviour and actions. It is definitely relieving to understand yourself better. You can't discuss your observations with a professional due to finances and stigmas in your own household. That makes sense.
You felt like you were alone, isolated and no one quite understood what you were going through. I am happy to hear these new observations have helped you feel less alone. Many individuals struggle with BPD. With time and support, I am sure you will learn how to manage this disorder. <3
@Kara13V
Thank you!!
I haven't been managing it well these days, but I am looking for coping skills for it.
Gosh, these emotions sometimes are just too much to fit in this small body. I'm not sure if this is anxiety speaking because I usually don't get this type of reaction, but I'm so exhausted no matter how much I try to rest and this is really bad because I can't practice for an important competition tomorrow. My teacher frickin changed the script that I already memorized for days, now I have to start all over again. i can't do this. I don't even want to do this in the first place, but I'm a people pleaser, it's hard to say no these days. I'm so tired.
I agree that during that awful period of your life you need to try different things that may make you feel better. And writing can be one of them. While I was in college, I had some worst weeks too, and writing did help me. Well, actually writing for university made it only worse and that's why I used to buy essays on Essay pro. But when I was writing texts, essays, poems for myself it did help me a lot.