Trauma is eating me
I just joined this service this month to self-heal myself some how because it's got to the point I can no longer deal with my own emotion.
I've always had an anxiety issue. I felt sudden urge to cry during class, the tendency to be a perfectionist and just so unstable. But this month, attched to all that problems, was the death of my soulmate/boyfriend. We had beein in long-distance relationship between two countries and he just commited siucide by hanging himself. Just writing this makes me shiver because I don't understand the situation. Sicne I couldn't afford to fly to his country, I was not able participate in his memorial service, either. It still feels like he is still alive. But he is not taking my calls anymore. I am starting to feel this traumatic experience is eating me alive.
@natsuki111
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. And to be so far away when it happened must have been incredibly difficult for you. I'm sure this feels like a really surreal time for you, and I'm happy you're reaching out and talking about it instead of isolating yourself. You're doing what you can to get through this and that's super impressive. It'll probably be hard for a really long time but you've got resources here. Also... it's ok to not be ok for a bit. It's not a race or anything to feel better, this is a huge thing to go through and no one expects you to simply be ok super fast.
